If the boy is wrapped up in drugs it's going to be very hard to talk sense into him or for him to become self aware of how he is ruining his life, he is emotionally and motivational numbed.
Thanks for the reply, you are absolutely correct. He acknowledges he has a problem but has no desire to fix it. Can't help someone that does not want to help themselves.
My first question to you is how he can maintain his lifestyle? Drugs cost money, food cost money, shelter cost money, phones cost money, cars cost money. If you are giving him any of those things you are enabling him.
Currently I pay for shelter and food, but I don't buy anything he likes to eat (I do the shopping). He has a part time job which we can see he uses to buy drugs. We cut off his phone, he has lost his car, the entertainment around the house are being locked up, and next step is rent. We have laid out the expectations and the consequences in writing, I am just going down the list. If he fails to pay rent, on to the next step, to the curb.
He has no comprehension why we are doing this to him, because in his words, "None of my friends has to pay for anything..." They also did not fail out of high school and get caught with drugs. He just can't wrap his head around the fact that his actions have consequences.
You really need to get tough on him. Stop paying for anything unnecessary for his survival, no phone, no cable or internet, no spending money, if you bought a game system sell it, strip his room of everything but the bare essentials, no TV in there or computer. Start giving him home drug test and if he fails there needs to be consequences, not just threats. Set goals and time tables, he needs to earn his keep plain and simple, he can earn privileges back but no more free ride. Go to some AlAnon meetings, or start reading some books on how to disconnect and stop enabling.
All he has is his room and the food I buy, nobody gives him money anymore. I am in full agreement that privileges are earned and they are fast disappearing. My trust in him is gone at this point. Drug test is worthless because I already know it will be positive.
You are in a difficult spot as the step dad, nothing will work unless his mom and dad and you are all on the same page. I let things go too long with my son and things kept getting worse, don't make the same mistake millions of us parents have made but tolerating destructive behavior, it usually doesn't end well.
Herein lays the problem, Dad is onboard but lives 100 miles away and has already alienated his son (He already kicked the son out). Mom knows what needs to be done but her depression over failing as a mother is almost overwhelming her. She is looking for counseling for herself but this does not help with dealing with her son in the present.
I am already at the point of kicking the kid out due to just being worthless, but as a step parent, I can't just do that and expect my wife to be on board. It really does create a lot of friction between us. I really don't want to flush my marriage down the toilet over this but I can't keep living this way either.