Bottom line is its nobody's business who the parents choose to leave their estate to, and frankly it's being petty to be mad over it.
My mom gave everything to my sister who spent her life drinking and doing drugs, not much money but a house and property. One of my brothers is still estranged from my sister because of it, myself and my other brother never batted an eyebrow. I actually wanted my mom to sell the place and use the money to enjoy herself but she wouldn't.
Her choice for her reasons, what right did I have to lay claim to her assets? I would guess she knew my sister would never get her act together and that was the last way she could help her.
The only part that bothers me is to see my childhood home rot to the ground, it's an ugly site these days, but sis and her husband plan on fixing it up any day now! lol
As for me I tell the kids I plan on spending my last dollar on the last day of my life so plan on no inheritance. Truthfully now I help then when I see they need it, I'm very lucky because they are both resourceful and never ask for help, I just like to upgrade their lives sometimes. In the end it will be a 50/50 split, my expectations are they succeed on their own. I would never reward one for poor judgement and deny the other for doing things right, but that's my choice.
I believe in death just like in life, where one distributes his/ her assets is where that person has found value. Therefore, it helps when there is some explanation / coherence / consistency in the decisions that are made.
furthermore, there is still pressure in western society to take elderly parents in / make sacrifices in one's life to accommodate the caring of that parent. I'm afraid you can't have one without the other. I certainly don't to allow a parent to bankrupt me while they hand over assets in their death to someone else.
My mother took care of her mother in the last 10 years of her life. Of course, there will be some who disagreed with how she did it:
1. She effectively kidnapped my mother. My grandmother would go in and out of lucidity. in the year before my mother brought her to her town, she had had to rush to my grandmother's house for various emergencies.... like causing a fire in the house. She lives inthe midwest. My grandmother lived on the east coast.
my mother's brother did nothing to help even though he lived a 30 minute drive away.
2. My grandmother refused to quit smoking. both of my parents are non smokers. I later heard from one of my mother's friends that my grandmother was so defiant, she smoked right in front of them. My father said she had to go. my mother found an assisted living place a 20 minute drive form their house.
This is the same woman who told my mother that she made a horrible choice in husbands because my father was still finishing medical school and couldn't afford the train fare to go visit my grandmother in the 50s.
But my parents lavished my grandmother with money as long as I can remember.