Hypothetical question....inheritance - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 07:58 AM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

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Originally Posted by Cooper View Post
I understand your reasoning, it's just not necessarily how things always work out. I easily believe at times an inheritance is given in appreciation, but many times it is given as a safety net. While I would never find fault with where someone decides to leave an inheritance I would be upset with some of the stipulations I have read here. Who wants to the burden of receiving the family home under the stipulation you need to keep it forever and allow others to move in and out? Knowing my siblings I would refuse and pass the house to one of them.
And your point is.....?

I agree that the example that you give is the worst way to divide assets...... as if houses maintain themselves. The parents forgot to leave money for that. but also, other details to that story are missing. If the aunt's main job was to take care of other family members, then where was she getting the money to eat, dress, etc herself and those in her care ...... not to mention pay the property taxes, insurance, utilities and regular upkeep of the house.

If you're a fair parent you will take advice as to the best way to do something. I have to admit my mother is the type of person who will "forget" about attending / ongoing costs when making a decision as she criticizes someone for not taking the "cheaper" option. She's always the smartest guy in the room, you know. I'm sure she's not the only one who thinks that of themself.

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post #47 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 05:19 AM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

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And your point is.....?

I agree that the example that you give is the worst way to divide assets...... as if houses maintain themselves. The parents forgot to leave money for that. but also, other details to that story are missing. If the aunt's main job was to take care of other family members, then where was she getting the money to eat, dress, etc herself and those in her care ...... not to mention pay the property taxes, insurance, utilities and regular upkeep of the house.

If you're a fair parent you will take advice as to the best way to do something. I have to admit my mother is the type of person who will "forget" about attending / ongoing costs when making a decision as she criticizes someone for not taking the "cheaper" option. She's always the smartest guy in the room, you know. I'm sure she's not the only one who thinks that of themself.
My point was your thinking is sensible and logical, I agree with it. I believe most people would agree, but in the end emotions and perceptions cloud logic and reality, not in all cases but in many.

My gut reaction is to say divide things equally, but currently my kids are on equal footing, that can certainly change in the coming years and I may change my view. I will paraphrase something you said "give in life as in death where you have found value", I absolutely agree with that. Unlike your mother I think I'm very aware of the cost of things and the value of personal sacrifice, if I need my children to help with my care at some point (hope not) I will make sure they are compensated at the time, I would hate to be a liability to my kids or cause hardship.

Last edited by Cooper; 02-14-2017 at 05:45 AM.
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post #48 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:18 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

Why would you punish the ones who are acting like adults? I would, and will, split things equally between my children.

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post #49 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 05:44 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

I am a perfect example of this. My mother put my brother on all her bank accounts, and became his personal ATM. She never let me see a bank statement until tax time, and after a couple of years I finally figured out that the account amounts were going down not up, so I forced myself on the accounts, too. When I saw the checks he was writing, and after the promised me many time he would stop (and didn't), I told him to write one more check and I would prosecute him for Elder Abuse. He stopped.

In the meantime, I have taken in our mother and have basically supported her; she spends a little bit of money here and there, but I have it in accounts my brother can't touch. If she needs a nursing home, which I am trying to avoid, but it's getting hard, she will be able to pay for one.

And in her will, she leaves everything to him and his family. And my brother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's so if he goes into a nursing home, the government will get everything. Luckily, her will doesn't mention her cash funds so I have them secured for me and his kids.
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post #50 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:25 AM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

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I am a perfect example of this. My mother put my brother on all her bank accounts, and became his personal ATM. She never let me see a bank statement until tax time, and after a couple of years I finally figured out that the account amounts were going down not up, so I forced myself on the accounts, too. When I saw the checks he was writing, and after the promised me many time he would stop (and didn't), I told him to write one more check and I would prosecute him for Elder Abuse. He stopped.

In the meantime, I have taken in our mother and have basically supported her; she spends a little bit of money here and there, but I have it in accounts my brother can't touch. If she needs a nursing home, which I am trying to avoid, but it's getting hard, she will be able to pay for one.

And in her will, she leaves everything to him and his family. And my brother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's so if he goes into a nursing home, the government will get everything. Luckily, her will doesn't mention her cash funds so I have them secured for me and his kids.

Why is she leaving it all to him? Have you discussed this with her?
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post #51 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:52 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

She doesn't even remember what is in her will; she is 96 and senile. She insisted that everything was split 50/50 in her will, then when I read it and asked, she said she didn't know me then. She doesn't have much outside cash, she lives with me, and he has always been her golden child. I expected it.

I have one child; what I have will be put into a trust for her, with dispensation for her children in case she becomes incapapictated in some way. I had two,, but lost my youngest eight years ago and he didn't have children. As time goes by, my trust can be changed in any way we need to.

Last edited by Pam; 03-06-2017 at 09:00 PM.
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post #52 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 10:09 AM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

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Hi everyone!
Just wondering how you would feel about this particular situation.

If you have 5 adult children, 4 of these children are living fairly well, good jobs, nice homes and comfortable lifestyle (but not very wealthy - just well-off), but 1 adult child only works a few hours a week on the minimum wage, is wholly dependent on their spouse, has no investments or property of their own....

Would you leave your entire estate to the adult child who has the least...
Would you leave it to all your children equally...
Would you leave them sums that are pro rota to their net worth...

Thanks for you opinion.
No hesitation - equally.

Married 20 years, currently working with husband to separate in 2018
Mom to two young teens
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