Hypothetical question....inheritance - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:50 PM Thread Starter
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Hypothetical question....inheritance

Hi everyone!
Just wondering how you would feel about this particular situation.

If you have 5 adult children, 4 of these children are living fairly well, good jobs, nice homes and comfortable lifestyle (but not very wealthy - just well-off), but 1 adult child only works a few hours a week on the minimum wage, is wholly dependent on their spouse, has no investments or property of their own....

Would you leave your entire estate to the adult child who has the least...
Would you leave it to all your children equally...
Would you leave them sums that are pro rota to their net worth...

Thanks for you opinion.

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post #2 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:54 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

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Originally Posted by peacem View Post
Hi everyone!
Just wondering how you would feel about this particular situation.

If you have 5 adult children, 4 of these children are living fairly well, good jobs, nice homes and comfortable lifestyle (but not very wealthy - just well-off), but 1 adult child only works a few hours a week on the minimum wage, is wholly dependent on their spouse, has no investments or property of their own....

Would you leave your entire estate to the adult child who has the least...
Would you leave it to all your children equally...
Would you leave them sums that are pro rota to their net worth...

Thanks for you opinion.
All equally.
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post #3 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:54 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

Before I could answer the question, I'd like to know why one of the five is working only a few hours a week at minimum wage.
What is that person's situation?
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post #4 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

Equally unless there was some extenuating circumstance with that 1 adult/child.
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post #5 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:56 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

Quote:
Originally Posted by peacem View Post
Hi everyone!
Just wondering how you would feel about this particular situation.

If you have 5 adult children, 4 of these children are living fairly well, good jobs, nice homes and comfortable lifestyle (but not very wealthy - just well-off), but 1 adult child only works a few hours a week on the minimum wage, is wholly dependent on their spouse, has no investments or property of their own....

Would you leave your entire estate to the adult child who has the least...
Would you leave it to all your children equally...
Would you leave them sums that are pro rota to their net worth...

Thanks for you opinion.
If that adult child has a disability that would have kept them from obtaining full time work, I would gift them a little more than the others (but never all of it). Otherwise, I would split it equally.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #6 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:58 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

Split it equally between them all.Why should the better off ones suffer for improving their lives.
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post #7 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:00 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

I hear that some parents are dividing up assets on the basis of how much they spent on each child. so if one child went to an expensive university and the other didn't, the one that didn't gets more money.

my mother tells me that while she did help my sister buy her place, she has made some arrangements in the inheritance in view of that. I heard another parent saying something similar bout their daughter who they're helping to buy property.

you may also want to consider the child(ren) who made sacrifices on your or any other relative's behalf. My FIL died a few months ago. I asked my husband whether his half sister would get more of his estate since it seems she was the one really putting in the face time and chauffeuring services for him in the last 2 years of his life.
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post #8 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

The low wage earner is 100% able bodied but if financially reliant upon her husband....her husband is twice her age and now an elderly man, he has adult children from another marriage plus children with the woman (mentioned here). He want to divide his estate among all his children and his second wife. Which means there is very little financial security assuming he dies before her.

So her mother (of 5 children), who is currently dying, is wanting to give her the entire estate for future security, and has considered her other children are 'doing ok'. Hope that makes sense.

Opinions?
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post #9 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

My wife and I are far better off than her 2 sisters. Her mom's will is set up equally. Wife and I have already talked, we'll even it out ourselves. We likely won't take a third of the proceeds of the sale of the house, things like that.

We have no kids, my sister has two, the are explicitly/separately factored in.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #10 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:04 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

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Originally Posted by peacem View Post
The low wage earner is 100% able bodied but if financially reliant upon her husband....her husband is twice her age and now an elderly man, he has adult children from another marriage plus children with the woman (mentioned here). He want to divide his estate among all his children and his second wife. Which means there is very little financial security assuming he dies before her.

So her mother (of 5 children), who is currently dying, is wanting to give her the entire estate for future security, and has considered her other children are 'doing ok'. Hope that makes sense.

Opinions?
I'd be furious if I were one of the 4 that were disinherited because my sibling screwed up.

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post #11 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:06 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

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I hear that some parents are dividing up assets on the basis of how much they spent on each child. so if one child went to an expensive university and the other didn't, the one that didn't gets more money.

my mother tells me that while she did help my sister buy her place, she has made some arrangements in the inheritance in view of that. I heard another parent saying something similar bout their daughter who they're helping to buy property.

you may also want to consider the child(ren) who made sacrifices on your or any other relative's behalf. My FIL died a few months ago. I asked my husband whether his half sister would get more of his estate since it seems she was the one really putting in the face time and chauffeuring services for him in the last 2 years of his life.
This idea of taking into consideration the money spent on things like education, money to buy a house, etc. makes a lot of sense. It could be argued that those funds were part of the inheritance of the child who got them.
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post #12 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:09 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

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I'd be furious if I were one of the 4 that were disinherited because my sibling screwed up.
yeah, I agree. Quite often as well, I question why young women marry men like the one described. when I was in my 20s, the thought of dating let alone marrying a guy with a child was just never a possibility for me.

Children, that is ADULT children, should be able to have their eyes wide open when they are choosing a life partner. Sometimes, love is not always enough.
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post #13 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:15 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

Quote:
Originally Posted by peacem View Post
The low wage earner is 100% able bodied but if financially reliant upon her husband....her husband is twice her age and now an elderly man, he has adult children from another marriage plus children with the woman (mentioned here). He want to divide his estate among all his children and his second wife. Which means there is very little financial security assuming he dies before her.

So her mother (of 5 children), who is currently dying, is wanting to give her the entire estate for future security, and has considered her other children are 'doing ok'. Hope that makes sense.

Opinions?
Did the mother pay for things like college tuition for the children? Did she give any of them money to do things like buy a house, etc?

The problem I see with giving the 5th child all the money is that I would worry that she would use it to help support her husband and comingle the money so that he gets his hands on it. If I had a child in that situation, I would but that child's inheritance in a trust with rules on how and when she can use it.

Also, I would advise the child to look at the inheritance laws of her state. If there is a will that gives money to his ex and the children, she can probably contest it since it cuts her out. Does her husband have retirement? Is it set up for her to get his retirement after he dies? She will also get his social security after he dies. If she is low enough income, she will also qualify for Medicaid and for income support, food stamps, etc.

She might be in a better situation than her mother knows.

I'd either give to the children equally, or divide it by 6 and give that one child 2 portions at most. But I would not give it all to the one child who has not taken care of herself. She made bad choices. She will continue to make bad choices with her inheritance if there is no protection like a trust.

How do the other 4 treat the 5th child? Would they help her if she needed it?
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post #14 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:17 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

If your wish is to help one more than the rest, then to avoid resentment, I suggest you talk to the other four and ask if they would be okay with your idea or some variant. They should not be penalized for their success, nor the one rewarded for making her choice. If she were disabled, then I could understand it, but otherwise, this could create rancor among the siblings. NextTimeAround's suggestions are good ones to factor in, though.

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post #15 of 52 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: Hypothetical question....inheritance

My wife's parents left everything to their oldest son and gave nothing to her or her other brother. This has caused alot of turmoil and probably added to the disfunctionality of their family. Noone is on speaking terms. The brother who received nothing always talked about adding on to his house with his share while my wife never spoke of it at all. I always thought we wouldn't get anything and I was right. The brother that got all of the estate lived with his mom till the end and never got married, plus he was a total loser. He never sold the house and continues to live there. My guess is that if my inlaws could see what this has done to their family, they would have split the estate evenly.

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