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post #16 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 12:21 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

The OP came here for help and support with a difficult problem and some of you are using her pain as an opportunity to debate the abortion issue.

Can you be any more self-centered?

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post #17 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 12:29 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

If you do it will be the end of your marriage. After this one either one of you get fixed. It's then done. You both should have had the fixing surgery after the second. Live with it. Youe husband is excited about it, then he must really love you!
You both have a lot to give and love. Go with it.
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post #18 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 12:36 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

@Red Sonja I'm not doing what you claim, I have been there and done that with my wife, neither of us regret the abortion at all, and are perfectly okay with it, and given identical circumstances as discussed this morning would make the same decision.

Plus I can relate that neither my wife nor I have ever suffered from any mental illness, depression, anxiety et al and have thus never been on medication for the same.

As someone who has actually been there and done that, I think it is appalling that some people in this discussion have been using this discussion to vilify those who have faced this. All I have done is challenge some of that vilification.

Participants here should make no mistake, not all of us have a problem with it and some of us given the right circumstances consider the decision to abort a very sensible one.

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post #19 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 01:37 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

If you can't handle a third...consider Adoption over abortion. So many women can't conceive and would do anything for a baby. Please don't kill one because the timing is bad and your tired. Imagine the regret. My one friend who did this was haunted by it the rest of her life. She had two boys already, and like you, was just exhausted. It tuned out it was not the right choice for her. Please be completely sure before you kill your baby.

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post #20 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 01:48 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

Please, debating abortion is really not going to help Snow. It's pretty clear that she knows all the arguments pro and con.

She has stated a problem that she has. She does not feel capable of handling the pregnancy.

How about actually helping her and lets find out why she feels this way and what kind of support she needs.

The thread jack of arguing the pros and cons of the abortion debate will be deleted. (speaking as a moderator)
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post #21 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 01:50 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
If you can't handle a third...consider Adoption over abortion. So many women can't conceive and would do anything for a baby. Please don't kill one because the timing is bad and your tired. Imagine the regret. My one friend who did this was haunted by it the rest of her life. She had two boys already, and like you, was just exhausted. It tuned out it was not the right choice for her. Please be completely sure before you kill your baby.
Her husband wants the baby. It would require both of them signing off on the adoption. I doubt he would sign away his rights to the baby.
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post #22 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 01:55 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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they're 7 and 3 years old

right

it's not that i don't think it's the right time

yes, i almost lost second baby

yes

they just say it will change once i give birth

thanks a lot for understanding, really.. it's just a hard decision that's going to wreck my family either way and i'm just afraid...

and no i do not work
You say that you almost lost your second baby. What happened? At what point in the pregnancy did this happen? Could you please tell us more about this.

You also said that you had PPD. Was this with only one of your children or both? If only one, which one. How long did it last and how did it affect you?

Why do you think you are so tried now? Did you ever really come out of the PPD?

What is a typical week like for you? How much help do you get from your husband and what kind of help?

How much time a week to you and your husband spend together, just the two of you doing date-like things?

How much time week do you get for yourself to do things like get out with friends, by yourself and to pamper yourself?
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post #23 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:25 AM Thread Starter
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You say that you almost lost your second baby. What happened? At what point in the pregnancy did this happen? Could you please tell us more about this.

You also said that you had PPD. Was this with only one of your children or both? If only one, which one. How long did it last and how did it affect you?

Why do you think you are so tried now? Did you ever really come out of the PPD?

What is a typical week like for you? How much help do you get from your husband and what kind of help?

How much time a week to you and your husband spend together, just the two of you doing date-like things?

How much time week do you get for yourself to do things like get out with friends, by yourself and to pamper yourself?

I had bad things going on back then, i was really really stressed and unable to focus on my own health so when i was 28 weeks pregnant i almost lost him.

I had PPD with my second baby im not sure how long it lasted

I do not think its the right time because my sons are taking all my time and also think two kids are enough i dont really see why my huaband still want more

Its so busy and loud because as we all know children love to play and being loud and careless is so much fun to them. To be honest, i have a nanny to help me most of the time since my husband is barely around he only shows a bit of help during the weekends otherwise its just me and the nanny who take care of them.

We only get that like once in a while since hes always busy with work and im taking care of the family

You could say once in a week
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post #24 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:40 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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Originally Posted by Snowflakes View Post
I had bad things going on back then, i was really really stressed and unable to focus on my own health so when i was 28 weeks pregnant i almost lost him.
Are you more able to focus on your health now?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflakes View Post
Its so busy and loud because as we all know children love to play and being loud and careless is so much fun to them. To be honest, i have a nanny to help me most of the time since my husband is barely around he only shows a bit of help during the weekends otherwise its just me and the nanny who take care of them.
Is your nanny full time? Can you rely more on her? That way you could spend more time taking care of yourself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflakes View Post
We only get that like once in a while since hes always busy with work and im taking care of the family

You could say once in a week
So it sounds like you and your husband don't have much of a relationship if you only spend time together once in a while. Is that right?

How is your marriage over all?
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post #25 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:08 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

It sounds a bit like your husband wants the kids for the sake of enjoying them when they're old enough, meanwhile you seem to be saddled with the majority of all of the raising.

Would be be agreeable if he were commit to help take more care of the children or hire a nanny FT so that you could work or do more things that don't always involve the children?

Perhaps if you weren't set on the inevitable future as you see it, and it were to change to take some pressure off, would that make you less afraid of the future and maybe reconsider where you stand?

Don't misinterpret. I am not telling you what you should do. I merely want to understand if this is a decision of yours set in stone or if there's a possibility of a different outcome, if other factors change.


"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #26 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:36 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflakes View Post
I had bad things going on back then, i was really really stressed and unable to focus on my own health so when i was 28 weeks pregnant i almost lost him.

I had PPD with my second baby im not sure how long it lasted

I do not think its the right time because my sons are taking all my time and also think two kids are enough i dont really see why my huaband still want more

Its so busy and loud because as we all know children love to play and being loud and careless is so much fun to them. To be honest, i have a nanny to help me most of the time since my husband is barely around he only shows a bit of help during the weekends otherwise its just me and the nanny who take care of them.

We only get that like once in a while since hes always busy with work and im taking care of the family

You could say once in a week
Wow, you have a nanny most of the time, you are so blessed. How many others would have loved even a little help but couldn't afford it.
Surely she can care for the boys for a few weeks at the beginning while you recover from the birth and care for the baby?

Have you sought medical help for the tiredness? Had blood tests? Mind you tiredness is very common in the first 3 months anyway.

Last edited by Diana7; 02-19-2017 at 05:41 AM.
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post #27 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:47 AM Thread Starter
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Are you more able to focus on your health now?
Yes hopefully


Quote:
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Is your nanny full time? Can you rely more on her? That way you could spend more time taking care of yourself.
No she's not but i might be able to

Quote:
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So it sounds like you and your husband don't have much of a relationship if you only spend time together once in a while. Is that right?

How is your marriage over all?
Right, its surviving i guess
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post #28 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:49 AM
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Cool Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

Making a baby is certainly a "team project" and as such, so is it's raising!

I agree with your H: It takes two votes to not want that beautiful child!

To wit: Keep this precious baby, but shortly after its birth, go get your tubes tied or have your hubby undergo an immediate vasectomy!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #29 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 06:12 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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Right, its surviving i guess
So your marriage is "surviving" meaning that it's not all that good.

Why don't you and your husband get much time together, just the two of you?

About how much time is he home each week?

How many hours a week do you have a nanny to help you?

Do you do all the housework, shopping, cooking, etc?
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post #30 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 06:20 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

This is all very sad. It touched my heart. I've got a few questions and comments. Take them for what they are worth. Hopefully, they will get you to think and start to act. Sounds like you have simply been the baby maker and you and your husband have been the overseers of the children. I honestly don't think you or your husband were ready for any of them. But, with such little information, it's tough to tell.

How much time do you spend doing quality things with your children. Who takes the seven year old to school and picks him/her up?

How are they disciplined? Do you do it or do you leave it to someone else? Who do you leave it to, if that is the case?

What fun things does your oldest do in school that you have helped with? What did you do to help?

Are there any school activities that you and your husband have gone to see? I guess I'm thinking of little plays or choir or some sort of Christmas or Holiday festivities. How did you help to prepare him/her for the activities?

When the three year old gets out of hand, what do you say/do?

How often do the children get out of hand and drive you crazy? What is it they do to make you so miserable?

Do you make dinner or does someone else? What do you make?

How about lunches for the children? What do you do for lunch for the seven year old? What do you do for lunch for the three year old?

Lots of questions. I'm just trying to get a picture of what is going on.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflakes View Post
I had bad things going on back then, i was really really stressed and unable to focus on my own health so when i was 28 weeks pregnant i almost lost him.

I had PPD with my second baby im not sure how long it lasted

I do not think its the right time because my sons are taking all my time and also think two kids are enough i dont really see why my huaband still want more

Its so busy and loud because as we all know children love to play and being loud and careless is so much fun to them. To be honest, i have a nanny to help me most of the time since my husband is barely around he only shows a bit of help during the weekends otherwise its just me and the nanny who take care of them.

We only get that like once in a while since hes always busy with work and im taking care of the family

You could say once in a week
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflakes View Post
Yes hopefully




No she's not but i might be able to



Right, its surviving i guess

Have you seen your doctor about your depression? Have you told her/him about how you are tired and don't look forward to each day?

Have you talked with a psychologist about these issues? When was the last time?

Are you on any medications for help with sleep? Do you sleep well any time? Do you smoke, drink or do any drugs not prescribed by a physician?

Do you have friends you spend time with? How much time do you spend with them in a week?

Tough questions. You don't have to answer. I felt obligated to understand where you are coming from, but I don't have to know. Thanks.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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