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post #61 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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i guess so
How many hours a week does your husband work? He seems to work a LOT of hours.

If you don't mind my asking, what kind of work does he do?

Do you have access to the bill for his cell phone?

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post #62 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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How many hours a week does your husband work? He seems to work a LOT of hours.

If you don't mind my asking, what kind of work does he do?

Do you have access to the bill for his cell phone?
He just spends most of his time out i only get to see him in the morning and late at night and he also travels a lot so.. he's a businessman so i guess it's just that he's so focused on work or maybe.. i don't know...

No i don't ?
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post #63 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:25 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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Yes, you do need help. You are obviously overwhelmed and exhausted in a situation that should not be exhausting at all. Don’t despair. There are things that you can do to get to the bottom of this to find what is causing your distress and how to resolve it.

You seem to feel powerless and that may have a lot to do with why you are overwhelmed. You are not powerless. There are things you can do to make your situation better.

You have said that you are exhausted from your last pregnancy and you had PPD. Are you still depressed?

You said that your boys can get out of hand. There are ways to teach them self-control. The earlier self-control is learned, the better. Yes children get loud and are energetic, but if they are out of control that is a different matter. There are ways to teach your children self-discipline that will make for a calmer, happier household.

Is your husband faithful to you?
Snow, I quoted this post because it expresses what I see in your posts here. So forgive me, but I have more questions for you.

How old are you and your husband?

You seem unable to handle a pretty normal small family. You seem frazzled and depressed. In all kindness, there seems to be something wrong.

I think you feel trapped, does this pregnancy make you feel trapped?

You seem to be fragile emotionally. Did you find things in life this difficult before you had children? Did you find being a mother as difficult after your first child? Or did all of this start with your second child.

Before you married, and then before you had children, did you have a job/career? If so how did you handle those? Was it difficult?

Some women love being stay-at-home-moms (SAHM) and they thrive. Some women do not. There is nothing wrong with being one of the women who do not do well as a SAHM. Do you think you would do better emotionally if you worked outside the home?

Last edited by EleGirl; 02-19-2017 at 02:31 PM.
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post #64 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:30 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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He just spends most of his time out i only get to see him in the morning and late at night and he also travels a lot so.. he's a businessman so i guess it's just that he's so focused on work or maybe.. i don't know...

No i don't ?
Do you have access to any of the bills for your household?

Do you have access to money?

If you had access to his cell phone bill, I was going to say that you might want to check his calls and see if there is a number that he communicates with often. With what you are saying about him, I would not be surprised at all if he was cheating on you. He has all the time in the world to do whatever he wants.

He also spends very little time with you. In healthy relationship, a couple needs to spend a minimum of 15 hours a week together, just the two of them, without kids, without friends/family, etc. And these hours need to be quality time doing date-like things that you both enjoy. It sounds like the two of you don't get much, if any, of this.
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post #65 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:41 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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@Red Sonja I'm not doing what you claim.
I know, I was talking about 2 or so others on this thread who seem to lose their empathy when someone mentions the word abortion.
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post #66 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 02:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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How old are you and your husband?
i'm 30 he's 32

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I think you feel trapped, does this pregnancy make you feel trapped?

You seem to be fragile emotionally. Did you find things in life this difficult before you had children? Did you find being a mother as difficult after your first child? Or did all of this start with your second child.
I do maybe... it all started after having my second child

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Before you married, and then before you had children, did you have a job/career? If so how did you handle those? Was it difficult?
i did work till i had my second baby, i went through some problems with my husband over a co-worker so i had to quit

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Do you have access to any of the bills for your household?

Do you have access to money?

If you had access to his cell phone bill, I was going to say that you might want to check his calls and see if there is a number that he communicates with often. With what you are saying about him, I would not be surprised at all if he was cheating on you. He has all the time in the world to do whatever he wants.

He also spends very little time with you. In healthy relationship, a couple needs to spend a minimum of 15 hours a week together, just the two of them, without kids, without friends/family, etc. And these hours need to be quality time doing date-like things that you both enjoy. It sounds like the two of you don't get much, if any, of this.
i think i'm going to stick to what you said.. it might be true you're right thanks tho
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post #67 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:04 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

I think we're getting somewhere.
What happened with the coworker?
Did you quit while you were pregnant or when you had the baby?

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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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post #68 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:21 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Do you have access to any of the bills for your household?

Do you have access to money?

If you had access to his cell phone bill, I was going to say that you might want to check his calls and see if there is a number that he communicates with often. With what you are saying about him, I would not be surprised at all if he was cheating on you. He has all the time in the world to do whatever he wants.

He also spends very little time with you. In healthy relationship, a couple needs to spend a minimum of 15 hours a week together, just the two of them, without kids, without friends/family, etc. And these hours need to be quality time doing date-like things that you both enjoy. It sounds like the two of you don't get much, if any, of this.
I don't think it's the right thing to do now, making her overthink about the possibility that her husband might be cheating on her
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post #69 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 03:29 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

Snowflakes,

You haven't done anything wrong. Please think about this. You talked with him and he agreed to the terms. He broke his word with you.

That's part of why folks are asking about infidelity. He seems uncaring.

Whatever you choose to do is your decision. It's no one's business, but yours. If you can get past the initial barrage of questions and arguments, you will find these ladies helpful.

You can always come back later, after you have thought about things a while. We can't really pressure you more than you allow us. All you have to do is leave.

If you want this thread deleted, a moderator can do it for you. I'd give it another chance, though.

You have little to lose. We don't know you. This is an anonymous forum.
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post #70 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
I think we're getting somewhere.
What happened with the coworker?
Did you quit while you were pregnant or when you had the baby?
he was getting to flirty with me, he'd call me in the middle of the night and start talking sexual, he got too touchy with me even thought i was pregnant so when my husband found out he told quit
i did while i was pregnant

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post #71 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:43 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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he was getting to flirty with me, he'd call me in the middle of the night and start talking sexual, he got too touchy with me even thought i was pregnant so when my husband found out he told quit
i did while i was pregnant
How far along were you?
I find it interesting that your husband made you quit rather than dealing directly and appropriately with a man who was harassing you. Did your husband blame you for the man's unwanted advances?
How did you feel when you were made to quit over something that wasn't your fault?
I'm wondering if your PPD was really not childbirth related, but was due to the trauma over being harassed, then forced to quit.

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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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post #72 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:48 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

This is a terrible position for the OP to be in.

In the end, I would say that one should never bring an unwanted child into the world and that to me takes precedence over everything else. Other people will have other strongly held positions.

What causes me to feel more strongly this way is that her husbands actions are consistent with an attempt to trick her into getting pregnant. If that is true, it was a despicable thing to do and in my opinion invalidates any of his wishes in the matter. She might not have known he had a condom, but he sure did. Considering that breech of trust, she should never have sex with him again.
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post #73 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 04:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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How far along were you?
I find it interesting that your husband made you quit rather than dealing directly and appropriately with a man who was harassing you. Did your husband blame you for the man's unwanted advances?
How did you feel when you were made to quit over something that wasn't your fault?
I'm wondering if your PPD was really not childbirth related, but was due to the trauma over being harassed, then forced to quit.
no i mean they really got into a big fight over that and i then he did blame me for a short time before just realizing that it isn't my fault.. i really didn't want to quit but again i had no choice, my marriage nearly reached its end over that so i had to save it.
i really don't know...
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post #74 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:00 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

After I read this entire thread, it struck me that this about far more than not wanting a third child. Your husband is gone much of the time. Do you feel neglected? Does he interact with the children when he's at home? Also, you sound very depressed. If you decide to continue the pregnancy, antidepressant medication wouldn't be permitted (as far as I know). But how about seeing a therapist and talking about all the things that are bothering you? Even with a nanny, it sounds like you are a wife without a husband much of the time and the kids are without a father. If I'm incorrect in my stance, please correct me.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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post #75 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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Good grief, so every man who works hard for his family must be cheating?What a terrible thing to say.
Him working hard is not the issue. There are other issues and people are trying to figure out what's going in their marriage.

You have already gotten two warnings about arguing with other members in stead of addressing the OP directly.
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