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post #76 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:12 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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no i mean they really got into a big fight over that and i then he did blame me for a short time before just realizing that it isn't my fault.. i really didn't want to quit but again i had no choice, my marriage nearly reached its end over that so i had to save it.
i really don't know...
I'm sorry. That sounds like you were terribly mistreated and ended up being the one who paid the price.

How do you feel about going back to work now at a different job?


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post #77 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 05:49 PM
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post #78 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 11:45 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

Keep it. What if it's a girl?

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post #79 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

I will keep it i guess i have no choice
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post #80 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 02:08 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

Snowflakes,

How are you doing? Are you feeling any better?

Have you talked with your husband at all about your feelings on this pregnancy, since the last time?

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post #81 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 02:19 PM
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my husband won't let me have an abortion

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post #82 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Snowflakes,

How are you doing? Are you feeling any better?

Have you talked with your husband at all about your feelings on this pregnancy, since the last time?
Better actually thanks.
Yes, and all i got was "I understand and I'm sorry that i can't be around that much but you have to keep the baby i wont allow you to just go and kill him or her"
Its just not working
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post #83 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
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I will keep it i guess i have no choice


Why do you keep saying you don't have a choice?
Because if i go for an abortion i might ruin my marriage also a lot of people like family and close friends told me to keep the baby. So obviously i have no choice
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post #84 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 04:06 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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I will keep it i guess i have no choice
If you can begin to frame this differently in your mind, it will help you and your child. If you view this child as a burden now, you may always feel that you were tricked into having this child and it could severely impact your relationship with him/her. I know you don't want that to happen.

In the meantime, I suggest that you continue working to get to the bottom of your feelings of being overwhelmed and how you can resolve that so your life will be peaceful and productive. We will do what we can to help you by asking questions, answering your questions, and recommending resources.

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post #85 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 05:07 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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Better actually thanks.
Yes, and all i got was "I understand and I'm sorry that i can't be around that much but you have to keep the baby i wont allow you to just go and kill him or her"
Its just not working
Snowflakes, please don't take this as an attack, as it most definitely is NOT meant that way. You are a pretty timid woman, aren't you? I ask this because you seem to feel defeated at every turn, and even your response about how talking with your husband went... Did you respond to his "I'm sorry that I can't be around that much"? I know I voiced my opinion on abortion, and I recognize that my opinion on the subject does not help your specific situation. But, when your husband came up with that half-assed apology, that was the PERFECT opportunity to tell him, point blank, that if he truly feels that way, then he needs to MAKE time for the family. There is a song I absolutely love, by Sanctus Real. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I do want to put a disclaimer. The song is a Christian song, entitled "Lead Me". I think there can be a lot applied with that song, in the sense of an essentially absent father. Sure, he is there sometimes, but you often feel like you are doing this alone, right? I mean, it's nice that you have the nanny, but you pretty much feel like you are a single mom, most of the time? Tell him that. And when he comes back with that same apology, tell him that words aren't the answer. You need your HUSBAND, not just some words to try to placate you. And TELL him that while the nanny is nice, your kids need their FATHER to be present. Tbh, Snowflakes, I am angry FOR you in this predicament.

I do agree that with your baby, you need to adjust your thinking, if you do decide to keep him or her. By that, I mean no more "I guess I have no choice". Yea, I do understand the surprise aspect. My daughter was a year old and still nursing when... SURPRISE! Little brother was coming 9 months later lol. So, I get it. But, if my husband wasn't around/available... if he was MIA as much as you have stated your husband is? Well, you have seen how hot-headed I can be. I absolutely would have told him that he WOULD be taking a more active role with the kids, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Yea, that's the woman he married, so he knew what he was getting into. But, seriously, if you haven't had THAT talk with him, you need to.

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post #86 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 05:20 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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He just spends most of his time out i only get to see him in the morning and late at night and he also travels a lot so.. he's a businessman so i guess it's just that he's so focused on work or maybe.. i don't know...
"A businessman" is pretty generic. Is there something specific that is more important than his family?

This isn't intended to sound insulting but do you actually know what he does and where he goes? You have a right to.

It sounds like he needs to make a choice between job and family here, and not spending time at home while declaring that you must keep a child that he knowingly created against your wishes isn't a choice.

I know that some jobs involve a lot of travel but the responsibility is then on that person to make the best of their family time at home.

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Better actually thanks.
Yes, and all i got was "I understand and I'm sorry that i can't be around that much but you have to keep the baby i wont allow you to just go and kill him or her"
Its just not working
That isn't a phrase used in a healthy relationship.

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Because if i go for an abortion i might ruin my marriage also a lot of people like family and close friends told me to keep the baby. So obviously i have no choice
It's your body and you do have a choice, your family and friends can give you their opinions but they don't tell you what you must do. What you do is your decision.

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post #87 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:33 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

This same situation happened to me. We kept the baby which made three kids for us. We love them all. I got pregnant again and this time had an abortion around Christmas. 4 kids would have killed us. You need to make the right choice for you. Three kids has pushed me to the brinks of sanity. I love them all so much, but I am also tired. What ever you decide it is the right decision. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

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post #88 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 11:35 PM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

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he just said he wants to have the baby...
i do understand all of that "killing your child" thing, i mean the baby is a part of me, a part of my soul but i'm really tired with the kids and i'm not sure it's the right time to have another one right now... you could say i'm somehow exhausted from giving birth i need some more time.. please don't say i'm selfish...
You are NOT selfish.

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post #89 of 89 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 12:02 AM
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Re: my husband won't let me have an abortion

I think you know have received all the input you will be able to get, OP. People are going to disagree or agree with your decision(s), but at the end of the day you need to make one and stand by it.
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