Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Family Not Understanding
I know what it is like to be married and poor. My wife fell ill on our honeymoon night. She was bedridden for more than a year and lost her job as a result. I had a full class load at a local college and worked a job during the day tutoring, at night selling electronics and another job on the weekend. I was buried in a stack of medical bills that I was unable to pay. So you can say that the first two years of my marriage were not fun and we were very poor since we owed more than we were worth. We watched a 9" black and white TV and going out for fun, was out of the question. I was always working or in school. Money was always a worry, but I shielded my wife from that part and vowed to myself that I would never be poor again. I was raised in a poor family so my folks understood.
I decided to take a risk and quit college for a full time job. Plan B was to go to night school. My risk paid off and in two years I was a branch manager in another State, buying the first of what would become 9 new homes. After that, money was never a problem and my fear of being poor again moved us ever higher up the income ladder.
I never took an uncalculated risk. I always had a plan B or even plan C, if the previous plans did not work out. I would ask myself what would happen if I did this and it did not work out. That is how you should proceed. Look at the benefits of what you want to do and then imagine what would happen if it does not work out. I never jumped into a lake without knowing where the rocks were. Ignore the family. I have no trouble doing that. In fact I had it out with my parents and told them that they had to call before visiting me and get my permission. I was tired of them just dropping in unannounced. I set boundaries for both my family and that of my wife.
So first thing it to limit contact with the family. If that does not work, do what I did; took a job 2000 miles away. I have spent my life doing what it takes to get what I want. I do not let life take me on its path. I bend it to my will if possible. Once the family situation is taken car of, then look at the risk if you fail at what you want to do and then plan for it so that if it fails, you have a fallover plan. This has worked for me over 47 years and took me from lower income to the top 5% in the country, all without a college degree. I never had come into contact with the rich and famous, so I did stupid stuff when with them like dipping my fingers in the lobster butter bowl thinking it was water to clean my fingers. Yet I kept putting myself in uncomfortable situation rather than stick to my comfort zone with limited opportunities. I was running from poverty so fast that I was willing to risk embarrassment which happened from time to time, like when I was the guest speaker at a meeting of MPs in England and walked around the lunch table trying to find a seat only to be told that my seat was at the head of the table. Still I kept going and that is how you make it in life. So take that position if you feel it can help you in the future. I have done things like that which paid little for the job, but got my name out there and due to that companies wanted to hire me.
I understand poor. My football was a milk carton stuffed with newspapers growing up. I ran with a gang in the public housing I grew up in. Not many 8 year olds carry switchblade knives. Lost count of the fights I was in but have souvenir scars on my face and body. If I can reach the top coming from that and being married at 19 with a bedridden wife, your situation should be just as surmountable.
Make your choice, but do not put yourself in a position that if it does not work out you are financially ruined. Disregard family if you must. I always put my wife and our marriage above all else. My family's plan for me was to become a city worker so I could get a good pension when I retired. I wanted a lot more than that so I just nodded my head in agreement whenever they brought it up, and then moved away from them for many years. I have not see my family in 7 years and do not plan on doing so until they die. BTW, I was making more than my dad when I was 25. Glad that I did not listen to my family.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
Last edited by Vinnydee; 03-15-2017 at 12:14 PM.