Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 09:34 AM Thread Starter
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Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

I just got a surprised visit from my son's girlfriend or such I say ex-girlfriend. She took the day off from school to come see me because my idiot of a son broke up with her. I asked her what happen and she said she does not know. He would not talk to her. She heard from some friends that he was talking about breaking up with her. So, she asked why and he said it was complicated and did not want to talk about it. WTF?

So, she was crying and ask me if I knew anything. I said no but he was just a stupid boy, who can't express his feelings well. So, after having a long talk with her and trying to reassure her that she will be ok, I found out she went to Mexico and saw an old friend there. So, I think someone of those foolish kids told my son that she saw a boy there and now he thinks that she cheated. The old friend was never a boyfriend, just someone who knows her family. So, my son and his friends decided she cheated and they all stop speaking to her.

Young people drama.

Last night, I gave my son a bottle of perfume for her because I did not like it and thought she might like it. My son told me that I should stop giving her stuff and not to get too close to her. Not realizing he was already broken up with her. I asked if everything was alright and he said mum, you don't need to know everything about me.

I am trying to get him to learn to talk but nothing is working with this boy.

She is such a nice girl and I really liked her. My son is a good kid, with no problems expect his addiction to his Xbox. He is involued in a lot of sports and is involved in youth development and leadership. So, he is always busy and is only home on Sundays. He has taken classes on communication and he does speech/debate, so how on earth he can't talk to his girlfriend?

Anyone with similar stories/trials?

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post #2 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:28 AM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

I and my wife have the same issue with her son.

He does all this thinking in his head and on social media. Trying to have a discussion with him is like talking to a brick wall, he just sits there and looks at you. He gets all wound up but can't tell us what is bothering him. I know what you mean about drama, nothing is simple. Everything gets blown out of proportion.

What gets us is that he can never see his involvement in a situation. Will never accept his actions and will shift blame all the time. Getting him to see that he ****ed something up is almost impossible. Every now and then he will have a moment of clarity and will get depressed for a little while.

He is a okay kid but has issues, I have posted on him previously. He is now reaping some of what he has sown and having to deal with some of the fallout of his actions. He had a great future but now has to dig himself out of the hole he has dug for himself. At least he has not gotten some girl pregnant yet.
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post #3 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 12:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

No sex yet. Thank God for that. I just wish he would talk more. He thinks bringing his gf home to watch streaming videos is a date.

But I was so surprised she came to see me during the school day. She was so sad because she does not understand what happened. My daughter said my son is one of those guys who messes up girls with his stupid self.
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post #4 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 12:50 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

Is it a young men problem or more of a young generation (i.e .men and women) problem? I think the growing role of social media and lack of direct interaction with people is leading to poor communication skills among both young men and women. Taking classes really only prepare you for more "formal" interactions, where a lot of social communicating seems to be happening via text/social media.
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post #5 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 12:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

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Is it a young men problem or more of a young generation (i.e .men and women) problem? I think the growing role of social media and lack of direct interaction with people is leading to poor communication skills among both young men and women. Taking classes really only prepare you for more "formal" interactions, where a lot of social communicating seems to be happening via text/social media.
I think it's young men. The girls are still taking. And the boys are still internalizing everything and can't express themselves. This is his second relationship. The first one broke up with him because he needed to speak more and he would not talk that much to her. So, she end things. Now here we are agAIN.
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post #6 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 12:55 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

Maybe you should stop assuming you know what is best for your son. Perhaps it had nothing to do with what you think he heard, maybe this girl just doesn't feel right tom him. By refusing to talk, he is in fact communicating. Perhaps he is not comfortable expressing his thoughts without feeling he is being judged? From my experience I learned to just keep my mouth shut about things that were bothering me, because I was told it was stupid, or I shouldn't think that way or some other response, other than to just be allowed to express how I felt without judgement. Perhaps empathy for your son would go farther than judging him. Whatever he is feeling is real to him. Understanding and listening maybe all he needs.

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post #7 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

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Maybe you should stop assuming you know what is best for your son. Perhaps it had nothing to do with what you think he heard, maybe this girl just doesn't feel right tom him. By refusing to talk, he is in fact communicating. Perhaps he is not comfortable expressing his thoughts without feeling he is being judged? From my experience I learned to just keep my mouth shut about things that were bothering me, because I was told it was stupid, or I shouldn't think that way or some other response, other than to just be allowed to express how I felt without judgement. Perhaps empathy for your son would go farther than judging him. Whatever he is feeling is real to him. Understanding and listening maybe all he needs.
You think I am judging him?

I thought I was just trying to understand him. It's kinda hard to listen to him when he does not speak.

I totally understand that maybe she is not the one for him. And he has ever right to keep his feeling to himself. I just don't want him to become one of those men who can't communicate.
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post #8 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

Is young people having difficulties talking about relationships a new problem? I seem to remember it from when I was young.
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post #9 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:07 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

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Is young people having difficulties talking about relationships a new problem? I seem to remember it from when I was young.
I think this is what I was getting at. It doesn't seem like a new problem to me, and maybe just amplified now thanks to social media.
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post #10 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:15 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

Wait what? A teenager being stupid and hurtful in a relationship? j/k. I think this is less about boys and men, but more about you feeling embarrassed at your son's actions.

First thing I thought was, "she ran to his mom, that's why he said nothing." You know your son better than us, but at the end of the day we do not know what is in our kids minds even if we believe they were raised properly. You weren't dating her and only saw small snippets.

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post #11 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:26 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

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I said no but he was just a stupid boy, who can't express his feelings well.
I have identified your problem for you. Is it any surprise that a young man whose Mother posts on a message boy calling him a stupid boy has some trouble talking about his feelings?

Your completely dismissive of him. I wonder if he has learned not to bother because of this. Guys are to dumb to talk about their feelings as we know. /s

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post #12 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:29 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

How old is your son? What grade is he in?

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post #13 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:57 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

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You think I am judging him?

I thought I was just trying to understand him. It's kinda hard to listen to him when he does not speak.

I totally understand that maybe she is not the one for him. And he has ever right to keep his feeling to himself. I just don't want him to become one of those men who can't communicate.
I dunno, what is say something like "my idiot of a son"? Sounds pretty judgmental to me. You called your son an idiot because he doesn't want to go out with a girl who you happen to like. I could completely understand why he might not feel comfortable discussing an issue with you. Then his sister (I assume since she is your daughter) comes along and says "he is messing girls up with his stupid self". All of his friends are "foolish" because they won't speak to her. Yet you only have her (the exGF) side of the story and have already determined your son is a dolt because after all this is already his SECOND relationship. So here we go again, which sould like this has happened before.

Your son is in HS and will probably have many relationships (hopefully) along the way. Be HIS shoulder to cry and, not another woman taking sides against him. If you convey any of the thoughts you have expressed here to him, in any way (communication is not just talking BTW) it is no wonder he feels uncomfortable talking about his feelings with women (you his sister, he first ex, his second ex etc)

I understand teenage angst, but honestly his exGF sounds like a real drama queen. She thinks she can manipulate him thru you and you fell for it. I would have told her that he is his own person and will make decisions as he sees fir. And I would tell him, that he need not stress over this one, because there will always be another.

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post #14 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:02 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

I don't think it's a generational or a gender issue.

Personality is the driver of such things.

My 16 year old son has always been a blabber mouth, he loves to talk about everything all of the time, in fact he could do with being a little reticent at times. On the other hand my 13 year old daughter has always been very guarded emotionally, very quiet (except when she's making music), hides things and is a keeper of secrets.
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post #15 of 41 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:43 PM
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Re: Why are young men having such a difficult time communicating

He made a choice and he clearly wants to live by it. Whether you think he's wrong about it, he needs to learn about choices and consequences on his own terms.

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