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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 11:10 PM Thread Starter
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High strung daughter

My oldest daughter (11) is extremely high strung. She worries and obsesses over everything--her own behavior, everyone else's behavior, the stock market...She's always been this way, and I'm really afraid for her future.

For some background, this seems to run in my family. My mother is the same way, and it's definitely affected her life, and the lives of those around her.

With her moving into junior high next year (in my opinion, the absolute toughest time for kids), puberty, etc--I'm terrified she's just going to snap one of these days. I really wish she could just chill out for her own mental health.

Anyone else have any experience with a situation like this?


Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 11:21 PM
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Re: High strung daughter

Find a creative diversion - art, music.... Professional intervention would be helpful.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 11:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: High strung daughter

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Find a creative diversion - art, music.... Professional intervention would be helpful.
She's very good at drawing. Loves anime style art. I also have her in martial arts to help with getting some of those negative emotions out, but that seems to just backfire with worrying about her next test, etc.

I've talked to her mom about some counseling before, but we haven't pulled the trigger on it.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 12:28 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

How about some sport that takes a lot of energy.. maybe swimming?
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 12:46 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

I suck at being a dad, so I'm not so sure my advice would help. I would say at her age that is a lot to stress about and I would think professional counseling may help, at least I hope it does.

Sending you and your family some aloha.


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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 04:28 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

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I suck at being a dad, so I'm not so sure my advice would help. I would say at her age that is a lot to stress about and I would think professional counseling may help, at least I hope it does.

Sending you and your family some aloha.
You are a great dad, Ikaika. You deserve to have some confidence in yourself.

(And as a side note, your patience in explaining basic principles over on the political and religious board is amazing, and greatly appreciated. Reason burns like a light in the darkness there, thanks to your presence.)

Fozzy, just reassure her and encourage her to talk through her worries with you. Empathize, but try to help her see the bright side of things, too.

For example, not doing well in a class may show her where her strengths and weaknesses lie, and that is helpful for making a career choice later on. Not everyone needs to be good at everything. Most of us are not. But finding the things that we are naturally good at and interested in and developing those strengths can bring a lot of satisfaction.

Bringing up the first child can feel so hard. Just wait until you get to your third one. You will have all this down pat.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 05:35 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

She may have an anxiety disorder. And unfortunately, people with anxiety problems can't just relax/chill out. Of course, she'd need a professional assessment to properly diagnose and treat. (I've read that a combination of therapy and medication are the most effective treatment in such cases.)

I hope that you're able to find a way to help her. That kind of anxiety is terrible to live with.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 06:33 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

My daughter was a little like this, certainly more so when she was younger. She was the clever kid in the class getting stressed because other kids were messing around. She would get upset if she wasn't getting straight A's or any hint of constructive criticism via her teachers.

It baffled me because we are fairly relaxed parents and have never been pushy or strict. Once she left high school and went to college she has become increasingly relaxed and slowly slowly becoming more tolerant of her own flaws and that of others.

I think schools can sometimes push children too hard and give them very high expectations - those that a prone to stress feel it worse.

Is she very bright/academic Fozzy?
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:03 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

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She may have an anxiety disorder. And unfortunately, people with anxiety problems can't just relax/chill out. Of course, she'd need a professional assessment to properly diagnose and treat. (I've read that a combination of therapy and medication are the most effective treatment in such cases.)

I hope that you're able to find a way to help her. That kind of anxiety is terrible to live with.


My youngest son is 11 and is also very high strung and in general a worrier. We've had our kids in therapy for dealing with chronic health issues in the family and he has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

This year he started middle school and it definitely has been much harder on him. He is very bright, sweet and funny, but just cannot stop worrying... and annoys easily when peers fool around in class (he also has ADHD).

Anyway, he became so stressed that he made concerning statements to the school psych, crisis team got involved and he ended up inpatient for a month!

It was hard in all of us being separated, but it ended up helping him tremendously. His time away allowed doctors to finally find a medication that helped him, and now he is doing great and so much more relaxed and happy.



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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:19 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

Yes! The women in my family are also fairly high strung, and go-getters. This has affected all of us, some more than others. I'm always tense and sore from clenching my muscles; my sister recently cracked a tooth from clenching her jaws, and my Mom was hit the worst. She suffered from heart issues which have completed resolved themselves, but it was touch and go for awhile there.

Things to do with your daughter: help her find an outlet to release some energy. Maybe a sport to exert physical energy, or maybe even something quieter for her to focus energy in a different way. What sort of things does she enjoy doing?

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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:42 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

Perhaps yoga may do her some good.

I took a semester away from undergrad to do an internship at a yoga ashram when I realized I could no longer cope adequately with the stress of trying to pay my way through college, maintain my work ethic, deal with family issues and the death of my gran. I was barely sleeping because I was constantly worried and thinking so much.

I can't say enough good things about my experience with yoga. It taught me better coping mechanisms and most importantly, awareness. Awareness of my mind and the way I think and how it influences the way I feel.
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:51 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

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Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
My oldest daughter (11) is extremely high strung. She worries and obsesses over everything--her own behavior, everyone else's behavior, the stock market...She's always been this way, and I'm really afraid for her future.

For some background, this seems to run in my family. My mother is the same way, and it's definitely affected her life, and the lives of those around her.

With her moving into junior high next year (in my opinion, the absolute toughest time for kids), puberty, etc--I'm terrified she's just going to snap one of these days. I really wish she could just chill out for her own mental health.

Anyone else have any experience with a situation like this?
any history of diabetes in the family ?
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: High strung daughter

don't coddle her.

don't give her unreasonable fear any acknowledgement by trying to convince her otherwise. just sat get over it these are normal things everybody has to learn to deal with.

when she being unreasonable tell her calmly that you think she being unreasonable.

shes 11 most likely she will grow out of it.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 11:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: High strung daughter

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Originally Posted by soulpotato View Post
She may have an anxiety disorder. And unfortunately, people with anxiety problems can't just relax/chill out. Of course, she'd need a professional assessment to properly diagnose and treat. (I've read that a combination of therapy and medication are the most effective treatment in such cases.)

I hope that you're able to find a way to help her. That kind of anxiety is terrible to live with.
This is really what I'm afraid of. My mom had a nervous breakdown when I was around 7 because she was never able to learn to cope with her own stress and anxiety.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 11:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: High strung daughter

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Originally Posted by peacem View Post
My daughter was a little like this, certainly more so when she was younger. She was the clever kid in the class getting stressed because other kids were messing around. She would get upset if she wasn't getting straight A's or any hint of constructive criticism via her teachers.

It baffled me because we are fairly relaxed parents and have never been pushy or strict. Once she left high school and went to college she has become increasingly relaxed and slowly slowly becoming more tolerant of her own flaws and that of others.

I think schools can sometimes push children too hard and give them very high expectations - those that a prone to stress feel it worse.

Is she very bright/academic Fozzy?
That's my kid to a tee. She's very bright, but struggles with ADD and feels horrible when she doesn't succeed. Absolutely her own worst critic. When she's "on", she shows moments of absolute brilliance, but her own self doubts and anxiety are often what keeps her from excelling. She vapor-locks.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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