My husband hates his own son what do I do? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 05:43 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy My husband hates his own son what do I do?

My son is now 20 and my husband hates him everything he said about my so is negative. I'm tired of fighting with him over this issue. He says it's just me that I defend him. He's working no drugs always been a good kid but here lately all they do is fight. For instance, my son call one evening from work had car trouble need a part and asked if dad could pick it up at the store and bring it to him at work. Well that started our augment, when I asked he rolled his eyes and smartly said sure I'll drop everything and get it. I asked "what were you going to leave him stranded"? Then he said he never should of gotten that car. He 20 he can pick out his own car you might not like his tast but you don't treat him like **** because it wouldn't of been your choice. We have three other sons that are all older and he doesn't treat them this way. What should I do.


Last edited by EleGirl; 03-26-2017 at 07:50 PM.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 05:49 PM
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

Your son is almost an adult.

Let them work it out.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:08 PM
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

Maybe he thinks if your son is twenty,has his own car and works then he should have moved out by now.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:43 PM
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

Is he your son's stepfather?

If so, I agree with others - you should let your son handle this as he is a man.

Communicating with your husband would be your responsibility. When did his lack of respect for your son start?

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

This is our son he's not a stepfather. He never talks to him only to yell and be negative.
It always causes a argument between us.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

The lack of respect toward our son started after high school.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 11:36 PM
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

There must be more to the story that you are unaware of.

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 03:25 AM
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

Do they physically fight at all​
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 07:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

No physical fighting
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:33 AM
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

Does your son still live at home? (It seems like from the car example you mentioned that the physical location of his job was relatively close by)
Is it possible that your husband disagreed with your son's plans for post-high school? (You also mentioned that he works hard but did not mention any education plans. Maybe your husband wanted your son to go to college but he opted for a job right out of H/S instead.)
You also made it clear that your husband did not agree with his choice in car. If this is true, that would make another example of your husband having given advice that your son ignored.

If I'm anywhere close in my guesses, and these aren't the only examples of your son ignoring his father's advice, then it seems that your husband once looked upon your son favorably but began to take personal offense when your son began to ignore his well-intended advice. Being men, they'd rather thump chests then do feelings and over time has turned into a passive-aggressive conflict. Now your husband either has a "He made his own bed, let him lay in it" or a "I wasted enough of my time trying to help him" mentality. Neither really helps the situation, but eventually, your husband and son will have to work it out. Let them. They are both adults. But you need to remember that you cannot force people to like each other. Don't be disappointed if things are cool between them for awhile. And at the same time, instead of arguing with your husband, sometime gently ask him if it has anything to do with him feeling slighted and listen to him. Remember that your husband is allowed to feel frustrated if his son chooses paths that he feels isn't right. Maybe even let your husband vent a little about him to you - it may prevent a blow up between the two of them later.


Another perspective about the car too: I don't know what your financial situation is, but I'm guessing that your son bought his car used, not new. If money was any type of issue when buying that car, it means your son had to prioritize what features he wanted. Fuel mileage, warranty, age, reliability, body/ paint quality, history of upkeep, etc. all come into play besides just overall price. If your son was more concerned about the stereo system than the safety features, part of me understands your husband's attitude (even if I don't necessarily agree w/ it)...

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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:32 PM
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Re: My husband hates his own son what do I do?

Whatis your husband's relationship like his parents and other family members of origin?
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