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post #46 of 49 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 05:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife forces kids into religious programs...

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Originally Posted by Talker67 View Post
i am catholic, and went to catholic grades school and high school, so i think i know what i am talking about. There is no dungeon where they torture poor little kids until they are brainwashed about Catholicism. You seem to be very anti catholic. did you personally have some sort of bad trouble with a priest or something?

Any religion is what YOU make of it. I fear your attitude might be turning off your kids for good, when in fact they might want to pursue some form of organized religion in their adult life.
Talker: as you likely know (or should know), there are two types of Catholics (and many stripes in between of course, but for the sake of argument...)--regular catholics and Taliban Catholics (TC). Regular catholics accept the teachings of Vatican II and take things in stride, like ecumenism, reading the bible and a general goodwill toward people of all faiths. Taliban Catholics cling to the idea that they belong to the One True Church, outside of which there is no salvation. Now, my wife isn't fully in the TC wing of the church but the problem is that most of the doctrine in support of TC is still "on the books." So if you come from a background where this fossilized doctrine still holds sway, there is a temptation to resort to the old-school tactics theology by guilt, fear, shaming, etc. And since she is involved in youth ministry, it isn't too hard to fall back on these destructive modes of teaching. It is the latter that I can't tolerate because I have seen the harmful effects first hand, naturally made worse when your own kids are involved... make sense?

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post #47 of 49 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 07:01 PM
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Re: Wife forces kids into religious programs...

another aspect that you and your wife should be considering is the competitiveness in school.

I went to a high school that knew no boundaries when it came to homework. in high school, yes, 10 page papers were due on Monday. the stated goal was to give each student 30 to 45 minutes of homework each night.

Add to that extra- curricular activities and well, those students whose parents were keen on the kids succeeding.... I don't need to finish this.

Why don't you have a look at college applications and see what emphasis they put on things. I hear nowadays, volunteering is sought after. IS there a group at church that tries to channel the high school age parishioners into charity volunteering? But I'm sure there is usual, grades, test scores, leadership activities, accomplishments and so on. How much will hanging around the cathedral will that help your kids?

And I am sure that you will want kids to receive whatever they can in scholarships to defray some of the costs of university.

I wonder how much credit Georgetown or Notre Dame gives church going.

And also, we're in a relationship based economy. Any parent who makes it difficult for their child to make and maintain friendships is downright abusive. Networking is a sought after skill in business.

Hope that helps in some talking points with your wife and the counselor.
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post #48 of 49 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 10:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife forces kids into religious programs...

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another aspect that you and your wife should be considering is the competitiveness in school.

I went to a high school that knew no boundaries when it came to homework. in high school, yes, 10 page papers were due on Monday. the stated goal was to give each student 30 to 45 minutes of homework each night.

Add to that extra- curricular activities and well, those students whose parents were keen on the kids succeeding.... I don't need to finish this.

Why don't you have a look at college applications and see what emphasis they put on things. I hear nowadays, volunteering is sought after. IS there a group at church that tries to channel the high school age parishioners into charity volunteering? But I'm sure there is usual, grades, test scores, leadership activities, accomplishments and so on. How much will hanging around the cathedral will that help your kids?

And I am sure that you will want kids to receive whatever they can in scholarships to defray some of the costs of university.

I wonder how much credit Georgetown or Notre Dame gives church going.

And also, we're in a relationship based economy. Any parent who makes it difficult for their child to make and maintain friendships is downright abusive. Networking is a sought after skill in business.

Hope that helps in some talking points with your wife and the counselor.
A little off the topic at hand, but that is one way to put a positive spin on it--they have lots of volunteer work, some against their will of course but it still counts, right? I like your point about being in a "relationship based economy." A valid point and although she doesn't discourage friendships outside of the church, she has not made it easy either. Un-churched families are looked upon with a disproportionate amount of skepticism, however good their values and personal demeanor appear to be... anyway, thanks for the feedback.
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post #49 of 49 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 10:29 AM
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Re: Wife forces kids into religious programs...

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Originally Posted by Sillyputty View Post
A little off the topic at hand, but that is one way to put a positive spin on it--they have lots of volunteer work, some against their will of course but it still counts, right? I like your point about being in a "relationship based economy." A valid point and although she doesn't discourage friendships outside of the church, she has not made it easy either. Un-churched families are looked upon with a disproportionate amount of skepticism, however good their values and personal demeanor appear to be... anyway, thanks for the feedback.
She's discouraging them then. I realise now that my mother was trying to choose my friends as well. I just didn't notice when I was in high school but certainly did in my 20s and beyond. When your kids figure it out, they are not going to have a good opinion of your mother.

My grandfather was a minister. he had my father under his thumb for all his life. I realise now that for all my father's 80 hour work weeks, some of that money never came home to us. instead, it went to make my grandfather who was never going to be happy with father happy or accepting of him.

We would go to church. then lunch at my grandparents and then hang around their house till late in the evening. If my father ever noticed that I cracked a book, there would be hell to pay.

And yet, with my parents both degree holders, they would be the first to tell anyone how important a university degree is. We need to be careful with what people say and what they do.

To this day, my mother likes comparing me to "the other black girl" in my class. She was on scholarship, ergo, she got her education for free...... and had a younger sister by two years. I had three younger siblings by 9 years. Imagine how much housework, babysitting and so on that cut in to my high school and study time. She graduated 2nd on the class. I graduated 10th in the class.

If the situation had been different, wonder how different the outcome would have been?
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