Your inlaws - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:03 AM
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Re: Your inlaws

I get along great with my inlaws. I'm a southern redneck (though an educated one), and they are laid back California folks. Her dad and step mom fly fish and I join them sometimes when visiting. Her sisters are nice too. Heck, her whole family is nice. Granted, we have different lifestyles, but I love them as family.

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post #17 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:20 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

I also get along great with my inlaws.

My mother though, not so much.

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post #18 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:53 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

It's hard to remember but there was actually a time that I did get along with my in-laws. In fact, I was invited to dinner with the family every night until we got married. I thought everything was going to go well. I actually got along better with them then my own family. Then the **** hit the fan. Soon AFTER the wedding, my wife announced that she had no intention of helping me with the expenses of the family and instead expected to quit her job and be a SAHM. We talked about this at length BEFORE the wedding and she said she fully intended to work and help out. I suddenly felt I had been scammed.

Instead of the friendly treatment I got before by the in-laws, I was all of the sudden "Mr. *******". I was never again invited to a meal at their house and was told that I better make more money if my marriage was going to survive and I also was EXPECTED to buy a house. I didn't make much back then and all I had money for was a small house several towns over from the in-laws. This however was not acceptable. It wasn't big enough for "their daughter". Meanwhile my wife's cousin married a millionaire who I was constantly compared to: he was great and I sucked. The only time I was invited over was at holiday get together's where I would be publicly ridiculed for how "poor" I was. I starting hating Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's how things went until FIL suddenly passed away and we had to move cross country because my wife got me fired at my job. I however retained the title of Mr. ******* by MIL because I "purposefully moved the family away" from her.

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post #19 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:20 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

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It's hard to remember but there was actually a time that I did get along with my in-laws. In fact, I was invited to dinner with the family every night until we got married. I thought everything was going to go well. I actually got along better with them then my own family. Then the **** hit the fan. Soon AFTER the wedding, my wife announced that she had no intention of helping me with the expenses of the family and instead expected to quit her job and be a SAHM. We talked about this at length BEFORE the wedding and she said she fully intended to work and help out. I suddenly felt I had been scammed.

Instead of the friendly treatment I got before by the in-laws, I was all of the sudden "Mr. *******". I was never again invited to a meal at their house and was told that I better make more money if my marriage was going to survive and I also was EXPECTED to buy a house. I didn't make much back then and all I had money for was a small house several towns over from the in-laws. This however was not acceptable. It wasn't big enough for "their daughter". Meanwhile my wife's cousin married a millionaire who I was constantly compared to: he was great and I sucked. The only time I was invited over was at holiday get together's where I would be publicly ridiculed for how "poor" I was. I starting hating Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's how things went until FIL suddenly passed away and we had to move cross country because my wife got me fired at my job. I however retained the title of Mr. ******* by MIL because I "purposefully moved the family away" from her.
Good grief our in laws do sound alike.

When we were engaged I found a lovely house to rent that was in the next village, it was a friend of my mothers so got it at a knockdown price, we both earned about the same (how can my son possibly afford that! You are taking advantage of him!). A year later we bought a small cottage (not good enough, made of brick, garden not big enough, I was tying him down with a mortgage). Then we had our first baby and we both wanted me to be a SAHM (you are taking advantage of him, its not fair! ). Before this she had complained about women who go out to work and that the children suffer for it - she hasn't worked a day in her married life.

Whatever I do for my husband is never good enough. She quizzes him about birthday presents and always complains that its not much. Holidays are never good enough either - she blames everything on me being a SAHM and us not having enough money. But the reality is we are very well off, so much so that my husband recently went part-time so we could raise our disabled child together.

I am lucky in that my husband is aware of what she is like, that she is manipulative and everything she says has an agenda.
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post #20 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:33 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

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Good grief our in laws do sound alike.

When we were engaged I found a lovely house to rent that was in the next village, it was a friend of my mothers so got it at a knockdown price, we both earned about the same (how can my son possibly afford that! You are taking advantage of him!). A year later we bought a small cottage (not good enough, made of brick, garden not big enough, I was tying him down with a mortgage). Then we had our first baby and we both wanted me to be a SAHM (you are taking advantage of him, its not fair! ). Before this she had complained about women who go out to work and that the children suffer for it - she hasn't worked a day in her married life.

Whatever I do for my husband is never good enough. She quizzes him about birthday presents and always complains that its not much. Holidays are never good enough either - she blames everything on me being a SAHM and us not having enough money. But the reality is we are very well off, so much so that my husband recently went part-time so we could raise our disabled child together.

I am lucky in that my husband is aware of what she is like, that she is manipulative and everything she says has an agenda.
I'm just glad I don't have to deal with them anymore. Meanwhile our marriage remains the broken mess it was after we moved. I only wish I had enough money to divorce her.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #21 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:49 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

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I'm just glad I don't have to deal with them anymore. Meanwhile our marriage remains the broken mess it was after we moved. I only wish I had enough money to divorce her.
I didn't want to say anything because it's not my place, but now you have said that I was thinking that some of the **** is on her - she sounds enmeshed. Sorry you are going through that.
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post #22 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 06:33 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

I do not hate them but I do not have a strong relationship with all of them...H has a stepmother (untrustworthy, gossipy 2-faced), biological mother (genuine, sweet and wonderful) and his father (a bit cuckoo..)..I absolutely adore his aunt and his grandmother is a sweetheart. His brothers both very different, one is very antisocial and the other has no social manners (ignorant, gossipy..kinda like his mother!) So really I have only chosen to build relationships with the aunt, grandma and the biological mum (who I consider my mil) the stepmother I feel will stop spoiling my children once her biological sons have their own. Fron stories Ive heard she was not a good stepmother and that's why I am weary of her and have a bad intuitive feelings from her. I also have an odd feelings towards the brother with bad social manners-he's spoken badly about me to my fil. I wish we were friends but I am so different I don't see that happening and I am not even close with the BIL girlfriend. Which I could care less about, I have a good family and friend support system that I don't need to convince others to love me when I just don't feel it...sometimes I am embaressed by them because my family is so close and loving that when they see how H family is I feel bad that they have had to associate with them..except the aunt and grandma, my family also loves them! But the brothers and stepmother, my family doesn't seem to like them either....

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post #23 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 10:31 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

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post #24 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 11:18 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

@jasmine31 Your MIL is awesome!!! You're lucky


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post #25 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 11:56 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

Ah inlaws...where do I begin? Rofl.

I've not spoken to any of my inlaws in over two years. I stepped right back. My husband still saw them very occasionally, but not lately. They disrespected a request when their granddaughter was in hospital back in January, and when my husband stood up to them over it they responded by not speaking to him since, including on his 50th birthday. He got a card in the mail and a text message. That's it. Not even a phone call. Utterly disgusting. That's their way of teaching him a lesson.

Well, the jokes on them because he had some unsettling news from the doctor yesterday, and while I think he should tell them he said he doesn't want them to know. I was in two minds about reaching out to them about it, and I almost did but after talking with him more lastnight, I won't be telling them. He's adamant that he doesn't want them to know and as his wife, I have to respect his wishes.

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post #26 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 12:44 AM
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Re: Your inlaws

My inlaws had the decency to die a few years after my marriage plus we lived 2,000 miles away. My inlaws were abusive alcoholics that no one liked.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #27 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:51 PM
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Re: Your inlaws

.......

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post #28 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:12 AM
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Re: Your inlaws

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Originally Posted by As'laDain View Post
I also get along great with my inlaws.

My mother though, not so much.
^^^This
What Sir As'laDain said.

Happy weekend to you and your family Sir.
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