01-03-2012, 09:10 AM
Join Date: Jan 2012
| | my wife and her mother and their relationship
Hope you can help because I am at my absolute teather and can't face a life with my wife to be and mother in law.
My fiance is very close to her mother, like most girls. Unfortunately, not only is she close to her, her mother is her best friend. So not only do I contend with a mother in law, I contend with a mother in law who is a best friend.
She used to ring at all hours until I persuaded my wife to put a 9pm limit there so we can have our own time, but that is raw with them, and they my wife or MIL donít like it and occassionally still rings her mobile at 10pm saying sorry itís only a quick question
Generally her mother treats her like a 12 year old. Pulls her away from me to hug her, if we are sitting down she will pull my fiance to her and craddle her and kiss her head (We are both 26!!)
My fiance sees nothing wrong though and I am the bad guy for having a vendetta against her mother. I just want her to cut the cord a little and for her mother to let us live. my fiance speaks to her everyday and tells her everything that we do.
Her mother is very demanding of her attention and time, and tells her to cheer up if she goes to visit and isn't all happy and smiley. She has had a go at me for not being happy and I told her I am what I am, I won't change.
I am just petrified. I don't want to give in and let them rule the roost, but if I carry on I can't see us being able to carry on.
Her mother will organise new years eve in October to make sure we all attend, and I then get a row for suggesting we do something with our friends and not her family. her mother has already asked if she can be there when my wife gives birth(years off wanting a baby) and when I suggested that it should be our moment I had a row.
Please help me find a way to get my fiance to see what I am saying and to start our own lives and cut the cord. I say lets set boundaries but she doesn't want to and all I hear from them both is how good their bond is. My fiancee always feels sorry for her parents, and her parents put a lot on her. I'm petrified I will lose touch with my family and get dragged into hers especially when we do have kids. Please PLease please help,
In the past she has taken a call from her mother in tesco for instance, and left me just standing there for 10mins, even after getting back from hols as I'm getting the bags she rings her mam, but she cannot see why this drives me mad. Today we arrived back from honeymoon, and when landing we texted both parents as we waited to get off the plane so say we had landed safely. It was 5.30am, and her mother rings her and my wife takes the call. I try and explain why this drives me insane but it's always barked back that I'm trying to ruin their relationship. Please please help, any ideas how I can get through this with my wife and MIL? Neither think they are doing anything wrong, it's just a healthy mother daughter relationship.
Everything is so dramatic and if it happens to them itís x 10 worse than anyone else,
Please any suggestions would be great