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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:40 PM Thread Starter
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Young Family

OK, cards on the table: I'm 18, have been married to my husband for over a year who is the same age as me, and I am 32 weeks pregnant with our baby.

Our family and friends in Scotland were shocked by the news but quickly got used to it, and there were no issues.

Now we've moved to Canada (temporarily, possibly permanently) where some of mine and my husband's extended family live.

Today we were visiting his aunt and her family, and whilst we were all together everything was happy and you know, the usual for a family "reunion" type thing. After a while the men all went outside to do whatever, and I went to the bathroom. When I got back, I stopped before reaching the living room where the women were all congregated and could hear their conversation.

Basically, it was alone the lines of "how can such a young girl care for a child of her own? She won't know what to do!". And the bit the hurt most was when the aunt herself said "that boy [my husband] is making a big mistake, he should have ran a mile!".

I couldn't even face them after that and went outside to find my husband, who realised how upset I was and made our excuses to leave. I told him I'm fine but have spent the past three hours crying about it.

Am I really going to be that bad a mother just because I am 18? My husband and I love each other and are in a solid marriage. I was confident before of our relationship and having a baby but now I feel like everyone is against me and I am somehow doing something horrible.


~Kayleigh

Life is either a great adventure or nothing - Helen Keller.
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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:10 PM
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Re: Young Family

Its going to be tough but you will be fine! don't listen to those old biddies. beside there nothing you can do about it now. except be a good mom and dad.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:12 PM
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Re: Young Family

Aww, Kayleigh, dry your tears! Your husband did the right thing to get you away from there. You will do just fine.

Of course you won't be a bad mother because you're 18! Women get criticized at just about any age for having a baby, or putting off having babies! Get their gossiping nonsense out of your head. Focus instead on what's ahead of you. Life will change!

As for you, I've read some of your posts and you both have jobs (skills). You're in love, and they need to mind their own business. I don't recall your reason for going to Canada so late in your pregnancy but as a married couple you made that decision. Stick with your husband and family that supports you both.

What did your husband have to say? I hope for all sakes, especially yours, things can get straightened out.
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:29 PM
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Re: Young Family

Mother Theresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

Too often people settle for living in boxes based on their own experiences... the best thing you can do is smile at their (the boxes) limitations and be thankful they don't fit you.

नमस्ते 🙏

Last edited by Emerging Buddhist; 04-13-2017 at 07:26 PM.
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Young Family

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Originally Posted by chillymorn69 View Post
Its going to be tough but you will be fine! don't listen to those old biddies. beside there nothing you can do about it now. except be a good mom and dad.
Thank you!

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Originally Posted by Seasong View Post
Aww, Kayleigh, dry your tears! Your husband did the right thing to get you away from there. You will do just fine.

Of course you won't be a bad mother because you're 18! Women get criticized at just about any age for having a baby, or putting off having babies! Get their gossiping nonsense out of your head. Focus instead on what's ahead of you. Life will change!

As for you, I've read some of your posts and you both have jobs (skills). You're in love, and they need to mind their own business. I don't recall your reason for going to Canada so late in your pregnancy but as a married couple you made that decision. Stick with your husband and family that supports you both.

What did your husband have to say? I hope for all sakes, especially yours, things can get straightened out.
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.

I didn't tell my husband the full story until we went to bed last night and he was furious. He thought I had just got upset because I was overwhelmed with so many people, but didn't realise they had actually said something offensive. He has gone round now to confront them about it, which I didn't want him to do but maybe it is the only way to move on from this. My way would have been to just not see them again, but then that's not fair on our child to deprive them of extended family.

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
Mother Theresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

Too often people settle for living in boxes based on their own experiences... the best thing you can do is smile at their (the boxes) limitations and be thankful they don't fit you.
That's a beautiful quote from Mother Theresa, I haven't heard that before. So true!!

~Kayleigh

Life is either a great adventure or nothing - Helen Keller.
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:28 AM
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Re: Young Family

Screw them @ScottishGirl1998. Not too long ago it was quite common for women to have babies at your age.

Every single one of my aunts had their first child by the time they were 18. They all turned out just fine. They're still fairly young and their kids are out of the house, that will be a big advantage for you and your husband.

Go forth and prove them wrong mama! You and your husband, url got this!
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:43 AM
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Re: Young Family

As another poster said, the best way to handle this is to just be the best wife/mother you can be. If you have good results, they will take notice, and their feelings will likely change.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: Young Family

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Screw them
This. And learn some fitting Newfie jokes.

But seriously, you'll do fine.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:16 AM
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Re: Young Family

People tend to find flaws in others because they themselves are flawed and belittling other raises their ranking in their own eyes.

Truthfully no one knows what kind of mother you will be, it's much more to do with maturity level than age. Prove them all wrong. Best wishes with the baby, your hearts about to grow 100 times it's normal size. You think you love your husband, wait until you experience loving a child, nothing compares.
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: Young Family

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People tend to find flaws in others because they themselves are flawed and belittling other raises their ranking in their own eyes.

Truthfully no one knows what kind of mother you will be, it's much more to do with maturity level than age. Prove them all wrong. Best wishes with the baby, your hearts about to grow 100 times it's normal size. You think you love your husband, wait until you experience loving a child, nothing compares.
In fairness, I do not know any parents who would be overjoyed to see their 18 year old son or daughter married to another 18 year old and expecting a child.

That does not mean this will not all work out just fine. But their concerns are not unreasonable, either.

Again, the most effective approach is for you two to do the best job you can, Scottish girl, and let them see their concerns were unfounded.

Your husband may want to rethink angrily confronting the relatives, too. Approaching them maturely and humbly, though, and asking them to feel free to speak directly with you two about their concerns, could open some constructive dialogue.

And don't forget that you can always just agree to disagree with them.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 10:40 AM
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Re: Young Family

I think it was horrible that your family was making remarks like that behind your back. I had to go through that to. I got married relatively late and there was always talk among the family that I was irresponsible, even suspicions that I was gay. Don't listen to these awful people. They obviously don't have your best interest in mind. If you ever do see that horrible woman who made the comments against you can sarcastically say that you're going to be the best mother and your H doesn't plan on running any time soon. Losers. Let them think what they think and consider the source.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 11:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Young Family

Thank you again for all the replies, they have really helped.

My husband did go to see them and although he was angry at the time he had calmed down by the time he drove to their house and said he had a long conversation with them. Apparently the aunt was "just concerned" and played it down and even denied the exact wording that I heard!!

She's a bitter woman for sure, but her husband is a really decent guy and I think now it is out in the open he'll put her in her place if she steps out of line again.

We won't be rushing back for another visit, but I can at least face her now knowing she knows where we both stand on things, and that she and her family are welcome to visit us when the baby arrives.

~Kayleigh

Life is either a great adventure or nothing - Helen Keller.
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 11:57 AM
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Re: Young Family

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Thank you again for all the replies, they have really helped.

My husband did go to see them and although he was angry at the time he had calmed down by the time he drove to their house and said he had a long conversation with them. Apparently the aunt was "just concerned" and played it down and even denied the exact wording that I heard!!

She's a bitter woman for sure, but her husband is a really decent guy and I think now it is out in the open he'll put her in her place if she steps out of line again.

We won't be rushing back for another visit, but I can at least face her now knowing she knows where we both stand on things, and that she and her family are welcome to visit us when the baby arrives.
You have a maturity beyond your years and a big heart. I think you'll be a fantastic wife and mom.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Young Family

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You have a maturity beyond your years and a big heart. I think you'll be a fantastic wife and mom.
Thank you, that's so kind!

~Kayleigh

Life is either a great adventure or nothing - Helen Keller.
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 12:50 PM
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Re: Young Family

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Thank you again for all the replies, they have really helped.

My husband did go to see them and although he was angry at the time he had calmed down by the time he drove to their house and said he had a long conversation with them. Apparently the aunt was "just concerned" and played it down and even denied the exact wording that I heard!!

She's a bitter woman for sure, but her husband is a really decent guy and I think now it is out in the open he'll put her in her place if she steps out of line again.

We won't be rushing back for another visit, but I can at least face her now knowing she knows where we both stand on things, and that she and her family are welcome to visit us when the baby arrives.
I'm glad that you called them on this, and as expected, they backed down from their stupid and undeserved remarks. Maybe they will learn to give constructive criticism or just shut up.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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