I have a teenage son. Parenting a boy is so much more difficult than a girl. He is more quiet and reserved. Non-Communicative and very defensive. He demands more privacy and is very private.
My D throws everything out there. She shows all of her emotions and thoughts out for us to share, even if we don't want to hear it.
I am very respectful of his privacy. I am very watchful of him and try to figure out what is going on with him because he never says. I have tried different question techniques, none works. Every now and then, I get a trickle of info. I am training myself to go with this and let it be ok. Because I hear @Ynot
, saying not to judge him. I am letting him be and I hope all that I have imparted to him in the last 18 years have left some sort of imprint on him.
We have a policy in our home, we speak with respect to everyone. We don't curse or say bad things to each other. We don't hurt each other. I remembered when my kids were in elementary school, my D said one day, dad is a ****ty dad because he never comes to any school event. I told her the reason her mother is able to attend all of her events is because her dad works long hours to support them and me, so that we can do all things we do. She never complained or bad mouth her dad again.
With my son, I allow him to manage his life. He has his things he does around the house, take out garbage, sort recycles, clean the hallway and he gets about @120 a week. What he does with his money, is on him. He never ask for more. He also, manages his after school stuff because he does not want me involved and I am letting him.
We are in the process of choosing college. He picked his own schools, never asked me where I wanted him to apply to. All he asked for was our tax return and his acct. balance. One day he asked me to do his FAFSA and his CSS, he gave me a list of schools and that was that. I would have liked for him to have applied to different schools but he did not give me the chance to do it.
This past two months we have been visiting his accepted schools and when ever I ask, where would you like to go....he always says, I don't know. Then, a few days ago he came into our bedroom and said, I am staying home to attend college and this is the school I am going to. I asked if he was worried about money because dad got this, he said no. He wanted to stay home. Ok. That was it. He does not require much from me I guess.
I am trying not to butt in and direct him too much. With our daughter it was so different. We were overly involved and she needed our input for everything. He is just different. I have to accept that because if I don't it will change our relationship. He is a sweet loving boy and I am thankful for that. I don't want him to become angry and resentful at me. So, I am giving him his space and room to grow.
He knows what we expect from him, he knows our boundaries and when ever he gets out of hand we just gently remind him. Some times I want to murder him, but I like living outside of jail. This morning on the way to school, he made me laugh when he asked if I will drop him off at college next year. I said, we will see.
I belief kids need boundaries and have an understanding of what is expected of them. Don't give them everything they ask for and don't give them the upper hand in the relationship. They are always going to test the boundaries to see what they can get away with.
At this point, I am just trying to teach my son to be self reliant and make good choices, that he can live with. Thats all I can do.