Decision to have children- HELP !!! - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »The Family & Parenting Forums » Decision to have children- HELP !!!

The Family & Parenting Forums Family dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.

Like Tree1Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-13-2012, 03:01 PM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
anotherguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,550
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Note EVEN a close contest. Disposables and that magic diaper pail thingy that keeps the stinko down to a minimum. Oh - they went up in price again? I'll take the 50 pack please. Thankyouverymuch.

I think you are in serious danger of getting just a bit ahead of yourself.

Excited much!??!
anotherguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-13-2012, 06:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 66
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

yes pls send
readyforbaby76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2012, 06:58 PM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 66
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by anotherguy View Post
Note EVEN a close contest. Disposables and that magic diaper pail thingy that keeps the stinko down to a minimum. Oh - they went up in price again? I'll take the 50 pack please. Thankyouverymuch.

I think you are in serious danger of getting just a bit ahead of yourself.

Excited much!??!
YES im excited, and i have NO ONE to talk to. Hubby doesn't want me talking to any of our friends about this, because our big personal decision and we need to make it with eachother first. SOO i can't talk to anyone, and if i bring it up to him again he may kill me, so here i am, researching all kids of crapola all day long and no one to vomit all my information too! so yes im way ahead of myself, im prepping. LMAO!!!!
really glad i found this site so i can at least talk to some one about this.
readyforbaby76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 11:30 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 66
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

UPDATE:

well good news!!!, yesterday morning i asked hubby if we could pick a day in the next few weeks to talk about baby stuff, his response was that i need to give him a few days without mentioning anything and thats its bothering him that I keep bringing it up.
Sooooo i said ok. we then left the house to go do errands, after errands we stopped at chili's to get lunch. While at lunch he asked what it was about "having a baby" did i want to talk about - so we started talking
i told him what ive read about amniocentesis and some other things.
he then mentioned that he was surprised i have not done a cost analysis yet for what it would cost us to have a newborn, my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000??
so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.
Then when we got home, i created my own sheet from lists on the bump.com and other baby sites and priced out stuff. THEN he and i went through my sheet and his and priced everything together and went through all the items!! IT WAS AWESOME!
so we talked through car seats, and crib, and what kind of baby bjorn i would want, etc., etc, im talking everything, he even looked at diaper bags and said he would want one a little more neutral so it wasn't a chick bag, in case he was going out with the baby.
IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY I COULD CRY! it just means that i really really think he is going to get there. yay yay yay!

pretty cool huh?
readyforbaby76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 12:58 PM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 9,332
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by readyforbaby76 View Post

I am still scared of having kids and i want to ask, how hard is it?
is raising an infant really aweful? what about teens, what about toddlers, how do you teach them to be good, respectable people, have you ever regretted having children?
OMG so many questions. I hope you guys dont think im crazy. I just am still scared at this new decision and hubby doesn't want me to talk about it with ANYONE we know (until he decides either way if he wants them or not).

So how has your parenting experience been like? i know a loaded question!! do the positives outweigh the negatives?????

Any feedback would be really great please!!
These are not stupid questions. 1st of all, regardless of what you have grown up with and experienced, it is MOST important that :

1. You have a happy marraige - a happy MOm & dad makes for a happy family

2. you & husband are ON THE SAME PAGE before you have kids

3. Agreeing on HOW to discpline will be a blessing as the years progress - mom & dad again needs to be on the same page, or kids will take advantage of this.

4. Deciding who will watch kids (childcare) if you both continue working. Sometimes it is counterproductive if the wife does not earn alot.

5. Good Health insurance sure helps.



Me & my husband had 6 (ages toddler to college age), I consider having my children to be one of the greatest things I have ever done.... after marrying their dad. The good FAR outweighs the bad...(he would agree)

They bring so much JOY to our lives, I can not imagine how boring it would be without them in our house. Even with all of my kids, I think I will be sad when "the empty nest " syndrome finally comes. ON top of this, we allow them endless friends in & out of our house , spending nights (last night I had 4 extra 14 yr olds here, cooked about 50 pancakes this morning )

OUr house is always full, lively and can be loud at times ...but somehow I love this and can handle it very well, I never get headaches , I can be a little rough with them at times , I have the "tough love " approach to parenting, 5 of them are boys, this seems to work very very well...for our family.

Our kids are very well behaved... I think the secret to this is .... always be very "approachable" with them, open communication in all things- nothing should be off limits....We should not expect perfection from our kids, but HONESTY at every turn. And let them suffer consequences when they willingly disobey, do not bail them out of things. Our children come to us about everything & everything. Too many teens do not feel this way about their parents, I hear it from my kids friends even .

Some parents are overly strict to the point of the kids hiding , resorting to lying to have a little fun, and others are too lenient, no boundaries at all.....BOTH extremes are BAD for parenting.

The home MUST be a comforting place to fall, no matter what they face in school, sometimes kids get bullied , they want what other friends have, peer pressure compels them to go with a bad crowd, we need to instill within them, with our own example of living, that is not the answer... be who they are, stand up for what they believe.



And it doesn't so much matter what WE were raised with --it is more about a vision for our own future...

.... I did NOT have such a happy upbringing, my Mother left me at about age 10 & I was raised by a nasty step mother who was not a good example in my teens. I never even held a baby until I had my 1st, I knew very little about kids-I didn't even have siblings to fight with. When you have that nurse put that baby in your arms, I know for me, it was all instinct --plus I learned everything from reading . I knew more than most moms who were experienced.

My mentors & inspiration was feeling a part of my best friends larger family growing up & many stories of my Grandmother . We all need some good examples !

I personally enjoyed the Baby years and the teen years the most.... Toddler and elementary years, I find I have less patience with them. My husband helps them with their homework. Babies, in my opionion are a breeze, I was a parent who insisted on them all using binkys -- quieted mine down all the time. I took advantage of baby swings, babies love the motion, but I never had any with colic, I don't feel that would be easy at all, it helps learning how to be a good multitasker, so you can get everything else down at home & keep up with baby so when dad hits the door, you are on top of things.


And ....Don't forget DAD!! as this is the #1 problem New Mom's make.... Also be aware, if you choose to Breast feed....it is going to mess with your sex drive !! Dad will not like this at all. I never breast fed any of mine, they were all healthy & sound. Will breastfeeding interfere with my sex drive? | BabyCenter


Quote:
my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000??
so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.
I am probably Type A myself, nothing wrong with that, I research everything near to death, I didn't even allow my kids to get the oral polio back when it was common because of my detailed research, I specifically asked their pedetrician for the "injectable Polio" (I knew the risks were lower) before they made it the "norm" in all vaccinations. I WANT to be up on everything, I do not like surprises , because I was ignornat on some fact that could have saved us. . He sounds like he will make a fine Dad in this respect.

I had to laugh at the cost though, because 1st of all, I don't feel there is anything wrong with buying used baby everything, If I calculated my costs for 6 kids and all of this stuff it would be well below his figure of $10,000 . Garage sales, friends, Consignment shops , Ebay, plenty of fine deals to be had. Baby stuff is the easier things to find in the best condition!

Congratulations on your hubby coming around !!


Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 01-15-2012 at 01:03 PM.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 01:10 PM   #21 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 66
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
These are not stupid questions. 1st of all, regardless of what you have grown up with and experienced, it is MOST important that :

1. You have a happy marraige - a happy MOm & dad makes for a happy family

2. you & husband are ON THE SAME PAGE before you have kids

3. Agreeing on HOW to discpline will be a blessing as the years progress - mom & dad again needs to be on the same page, or kids will take advantage of this.

4. Deciding who will watch kids (childcare) if you both continue working. Sometimes it is counterproductive if the wife does not earn alot.

5. Good Health insurance sure helps.



Me & my husband had 6 (ages toddler to college age), I consider having my children to be one of the greatest things I have ever done.... after marrying their dad. The good FAR outweighs the bad...(he would agree)

They bring so much JOY to our lives, I can not imagine how boring it would be without them in our house. Even with all of my kids, I think I will be sad when "the empty nest " syndrome finally comes. ON top of this, we allow them endless friends in & out of our house , spending nights (last night I had 4 extra 14 yr olds here, cooked about 50 pancakes this morning )

OUr house is always full, lively and can be loud at times ...but somehow I love this and can handle it very well, I never get headaches , I can be a little rough with them at times , I have the "tough love " approach to parenting, 5 of them are boys, this seems to work very very well...for our family.

Our kids are very well behaved... I think the secret to this is .... always be very "approachable" with them, open communication in all things- nothing should be off limits....We should not expect perfection from our kids, but HONESTY at every turn. And let them suffer consequences when they willingly disobey, do not bail them out of things. Our children come to us about everything & everything. Too many teens do not feel this way about their parents, I hear it from my kids friends even .

Some parents are overly strict to the point of the kids hiding , resorting to lying to have a little fun, and others are too lenient, no boundaries at all.....BOTH extremes are BAD for parenting.

The home MUST be a comforting place to fall, no matter what they face in school, sometimes kids get bullied , they want what other friends have, peer pressure compels them to go with a bad crowd, we need to instill within them, with our own example of living, that is not the answer... be who they are, stand up for what they believe.



And it doesn't so much matter what WE were raised with --it is more about a vision for our own future...

.... I did NOT have such a happy upbringing, my Mother left me at about age 10 & I was raised by a nasty step mother who was not a good example in my teens. I never even held a baby until I had my 1st, I knew very little about kids-I didn't even have siblings to fight with. When you have that nurse put that baby in your arms, I know for me, it was all instinct --plus I learned everything from reading . I knew more than most moms who were experienced.

My mentors & inspiration was feeling a part of my best friends larger family growing up & many stories of my Grandmother . We all need some good examples !

I personally enjoyed the Baby years and the teen years the most.... Toddler and elementary years, I find I have less patience with them. My husband helps them with their homework. Babies, in my opionion are a breeze, I was a parent who insisted on them all using binkys -- quieted mine down all the time. I took advantage of baby swings, babies love the motion, but I never had any with colic, I don't feel that would be easy at all, it helps learning how to be a good multitasker, so you can get everything else down at home & keep up with baby so when dad hits the door, you are on top of things.


And ....Don't forget DAD!! as this is the #1 problem New Mom's make.... Also be aware, if you choose to Breast feed....it is going to mess with your sex drive !! Dad will not like this at all. I never breast fed any of mine, they were all healthy & sound. Will breastfeeding interfere with my sex drive? | BabyCenter




I am probably Type A myself, nothing wrong with that, I research everything near to death, I didn't even allow my kids to get the oral polio back when it was common because of my detailed research, I specifically asked their pedetrician for the "injectable Polio" (I knew the risks were lower) before they made it the "norm" in all vaccinations. I WANT to be up on everything, I do not like surprises , because I was ignornat on some fact that could have saved us. . He sounds like he will make a fine Dad in this respect.

I had to laugh at the cost though, because 1st of all, I don't feel there is anything wrong with buying used baby everything, If I calculated my costs for 6 kids and all of this stuff it would be well below his figure of $10,000 . Garage sales, friends, Consignment shops , Ebay, plenty of fine deals to be had. Baby stuff is the easier things to find in the best condition!

Congratulations on your hubby coming around !!

quick question, how did you afford formula? we are thinking breastfeeding to save on costs, i just searched formula incase we can't breastfeed and it looks like $12/day. OMG is that right?
readyforbaby76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 01:14 PM   #22 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 9,332
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by readyforbaby76 View Post
2) my age 35, and down sydrome possibility, then getting an amniocentesis
I was worried about this also, I had my last one at age 40, but I opted for the level 3 sonogram -combined with blood test What is a level 3 ultrasound and why are they needed after age 35

...When my odds came back as good as a 20 yrs old to having a down syndrome baby , I stopped there. skipped the Amnio.


Quote:
4) cost, he told me he was at walmart and looked at the formula and it was over $30 for a can, he said how are we going to afford that???
Don't know about your income, but even if you don't qualify for WIC, they give alot of coupons for formula to new mothers, you can also find in bargain shopper guides Mom's selling un opened forumula cans, (Powder is cheapest -if they still make it )

Wic guidelines here Income Eligibility Guidelines
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 02:06 PM   #23 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 66
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

we would not be able to get WIC. I'm reseaching formula costs.........
readyforbaby76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 02:42 PM   #24 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canadian - eh
Posts: 2,027
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by readyforbaby76 View Post
UPDATE:

well good news!!!, yesterday morning i asked hubby if we could pick a day in the next few weeks to talk about baby stuff, his response was that i need to give him a few days without mentioning anything and thats its bothering him that I keep bringing it up.
Sooooo i said ok. we then left the house to go do errands, after errands we stopped at chili's to get lunch. While at lunch he asked what it was about "having a baby" did i want to talk about - so we started talking
i told him what ive read about amniocentesis and some other things.
he then mentioned that he was surprised i have not done a cost analysis yet for what it would cost us to have a newborn, my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000??
so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.
Then when we got home, i created my own sheet from lists on the bump.com and other baby sites and priced out stuff. THEN he and i went through my sheet and his and priced everything together and went through all the items!! IT WAS AWESOME!
so we talked through car seats, and crib, and what kind of baby bjorn i would want, etc., etc, im talking everything, he even looked at diaper bags and said he would want one a little more neutral so it wasn't a chick bag, in case he was going out with the baby.
IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY I COULD CRY! it just means that i really really think he is going to get there. yay yay yay!

pretty cool huh?
Very cool - had last 2 babies at 39 and 42 and all is well! Opt for triple screen before amnio - it can give you peace of mind without risk.
Posted via Mobile Device
golfergirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 03:05 PM   #25 (permalink)
Member
 
ScaredandUnsure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Somewhere in the world
Posts: 738
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by readyforbaby76 View Post
UPDATE:

well good news!!!, yesterday morning i asked hubby if we could pick a day in the next few weeks to talk about baby stuff, his response was that i need to give him a few days without mentioning anything and thats its bothering him that I keep bringing it up.
Sooooo i said ok. we then left the house to go do errands, after errands we stopped at chili's to get lunch. While at lunch he asked what it was about "having a baby" did i want to talk about - so we started talking
i told him what ive read about amniocentesis and some other things.
he then mentioned that he was surprised i have not done a cost analysis yet for what it would cost us to have a newborn, my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000??
so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.
Then when we got home, i created my own sheet from lists on the bump.com and other baby sites and priced out stuff. THEN he and i went through my sheet and his and priced everything together and went through all the items!! IT WAS AWESOME!
so we talked through car seats, and crib, and what kind of baby bjorn i would want, etc., etc, im talking everything, he even looked at diaper bags and said he would want one a little more neutral so it wasn't a chick bag, in case he was going out with the baby.
IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY I COULD CRY! it just means that i really really think he is going to get there. yay yay yay!

pretty cool huh?
Yay! That is great
Also, as much fun as it is buying wee little baby things, they grow out of it soooo fast, so you could always go to the gently used baby stores. I shopped like that with my last one and it was so much cheaper Obviously car seat and cribs are one thing, but clothing is another. It doesn't have to be very expensive.

Again, if you need any advice or just someone to talk to PM me. I'm glad to help
ScaredandUnsure is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 03:10 PM   #26 (permalink)
Member
 
Cherry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 2,166
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Do some research on twins at your age too :-). I got pregnant at 35, we have 3 year old twins. Something to do with hyperovulation.... They're fun, but you must have an extra strong marriage to handle double the stress :-)
Posted via Mobile Device
Cherry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 03:24 PM   #27 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 66
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

thanks all! twins??!
readyforbaby76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 05:25 PM   #28 (permalink)
Member
 
Cherry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 2,166
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

LOL, yes ma'am. Everyone I know who's had twins have been in their mid 30's. They do present a whole other set of challenges... BUT if you want two children, you're done... You only have to endure pregnancy once. I'd Google search it and just see what you can find out on your age and pregnancy. Besides 30 is the new 20!!
Posted via Mobile Device
Cherry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 05:26 PM   #29 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 9,332
Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScaredandUnsure View Post
Obviously car seat and cribs are one thing, but clothing is another. It doesn't have to be very expensive.
I bought the whole beautiful woodern crib for our 1st one....hardly used the thing at all . I would recommend one ofo these wonderful versatile Pack & plays... with a built in bassinet -you can place these things right beside your bed - so the baby is right there breathing next to you- and not in your bed ... peace of mind, can pack them up, take them places, who needs a crib !

Nice example here - great reviews >> Amazon.com: Graco Pack 'N Play Playard with Bassinet, Kensly: Baby
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 05:36 PM   #30 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canadian - eh
Posts: 2,027
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
I bought the whole beautiful woodern crib for our 1st one....hardly used the thing at all . I would recommend one ofo these wonderful versatile Pack & plays... with a built in bassinet -you can place these things right beside your bed - so the baby is right there breathing next to you- and not in your bed ... peace of mind, can pack them up, take them places, who needs a crib !

Nice example here - great reviews >> Amazon.com: Graco Pack 'N Play Playard with Bassinet, Kensly: Baby
I too bought and hardly used the bassinet. Our bedroom is big enough we set the crib up in with us first few months. Don't let the Down's Syndrome thing freak you out, the doctor explained the thing to me and it's a numbers thing. He's been delivering babies for 30 years and delivered 2 DS babies - one to a woman in late teens and the other to woman in her 20's.
I loved my angel care baby monitor. $110 and if baby stops breathing it alarms. Very cheap peace of mind.
Posted via Mobile Device
golfergirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Help with decision please AF1966 General Relationship Discussion 7 07-20-2012 02:19 PM
having children seemed to make D decision easier Jayb Going Through Divorce or Separation 12 03-14-2012 09:19 AM
Help in decision to try again.... sandy2499 Reconciliation 3 01-09-2012 07:02 AM
Right decision? Loveimage General Relationship Discussion 12 10-12-2011 09:10 AM
If you were me, what was your decision? SWII General Relationship Discussion 9 06-06-2010 02:18 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:18 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage