Originally Posted by readyforbaby76 View Post
I am still scared of having kids and i want to ask, how hard is it?
is raising an infant really aweful? what about teens, what about toddlers, how do you teach them to be good, respectable people, have you ever regretted having children?
OMG so many questions. I hope you guys dont think im crazy. I just am still scared at this new decision and hubby doesn't want me to talk about it with ANYONE we know (until he decides either way if he wants them or not).
So how has your parenting experience been like? i know a loaded question!! do the positives outweigh the negatives?????
Any feedback would be really great please!!
These are not stupid questions. 1st of all, regardless of what you have grown up with and experienced, it is MOST important that : 1. You have a happy marraige - a happy MOm & dad makes for a happy family
2. you & husband are ON THE SAME PAGE before you have kids
3. Agreeing on HOW to discpline will be a blessing as the years progress - mom & dad again needs to be on the same page, or kids will take advantage of this.
4. Deciding who will watch kids (childcare) if you both continue working. Sometimes it is counterproductive if the wife does not earn alot.
5. Good Health insurance sure helps.
Me & my husband had 6 (ages toddler to college age), I consider having my children to be one of the greatest things I have ever done.... after marrying their dad. The good FAR outweighs the bad...(he would agree)
They bring so much JOY to our lives, I can not imagine how boring it would be without them in our house. Even with all of my kids, I think I will be sad when "the empty nest " syndrome finally comes. ON top of this, we allow them endless friends in & out of our house , spending nights (last night I had 4 extra 14 yr olds here, cooked about 50 pancakes this morning )
OUr house is always full, lively and can be loud at times ...but somehow I love this and can handle it very well, I never get headaches , I can be a little rough with them at times , I have the "tough love " approach to parenting, 5 of them are boys, this seems to work very very well...for our family.
Our kids are very well behaved... I think the secret to this is .... always be very "approachable" with them, open communication in all things- nothing should be off limits....We should not expect perfection from our kids, but HONESTY at every turn. And let them suffer consequences when they willingly disobey, do not bail them out of things. Our children come to us about everything & everything. Too many teens do not feel this way about their parents, I hear it from my kids friends even .
Some parents are overly strict to the point of the kids hiding , resorting to lying to have a little fun, and others are too lenient, no boundaries at all.....BOTH extremes are BAD for parenting.
The home MUST be a comforting place to fall, no matter what they face in school, sometimes kids get bullied , they want what other friends have, peer pressure compels them to go with a bad crowd, we need to instill within them, with our own example of living, that is not the answer... be who they are, stand up for what they believe.
And it doesn't so much matter what WE were raised with --it is more about a vision for our own future...
.... I did NOT have such a happy upbringing, my Mother left me at about age 10 & I was raised by a nasty step mother who was not a good example in my teens. I never even held a baby until I had my 1st, I knew very little about kids-I didn't even have siblings to fight with. When you have that nurse put that baby in your arms, I know for me, it was all instinct --plus I learned everything from reading . I knew more than most moms who were experienced.
My mentors & inspiration was feeling a part of my best friends larger family growing up & many stories of my Grandmother . We all need some good examples !
I personally enjoyed the Baby years and the teen years the most.... Toddler and elementary years, I find I have less patience with them. My husband helps them with their homework. Babies, in my opionion are a breeze, I was a parent who insisted on them all using binkys -- quieted mine down all the time. I took advantage of baby swings, babies love the motion, but I never had any with colic, I don't feel that would be easy at all, it helps learning how to be a good multitasker, so you can get everything else down at home & keep up with baby so when dad hits the door, you are on top of things.
And ....Don't forget DAD!! as this is the #1 problem New Mom's make.... Also be aware, if you choose to Breast feed....it is going to mess with your sex drive !! Dad will not like this at all. I never breast fed any of mine, they were all healthy & sound. Will breastfeeding interfere with my sex drive? | BabyCenter
my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000??
so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.
I am probably Type A myself, nothing wrong with that, I research everything near to death, I didn't even allow my kids to get the oral polio back when it was common because of my detailed research, I specifically asked their pedetrician for the "injectable Polio" (I knew the risks were lower) before they made it the "norm" in all vaccinations. I WANT to be up on everything, I do not like surprises , because I was ignornat on some fact that could have saved us. . He sounds like he will make a fine Dad in this respect.
I had to laugh at the cost though, because 1st of all, I don't feel there is anything wrong with buying used baby everything, If I calculated my costs for 6 kids and all of this stuff it would be well below his figure of $10,000 . Garage sales, friends, Consignment shops , Ebay, plenty of fine deals to be had. Baby stuff is the easier things to find in the best condition!
Congratulations on your hubby coming around !!