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The Family & Parenting Forums Family dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.

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Old 01-19-2012, 12:50 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Talk to you doctor.

I think no matter what you do, you should get some info on the transition from depo or pill to getting pregnant - that way you can both plan and set your expectations. If you have that info before your next shot then at least you will know what you are doing. If you find that it can be harder to conceive after depo then you have a valid reason to jump to something like the pill if it provides an easier transition when you plan to get off BC totally. I dont know what the science says - it may make little difference. Find out from the doc (or even pharmacist actually) and dont listen to too many anecdotes and horror stories.
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Old 01-19-2012, 12:56 PM   #47 (permalink)
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see:

http://labeling.pfizer.com/ShowLabeling.aspx?id=522

"Return to ovulation and fertility is likely to be delayed after stopping Depo-Provera CI. In a large US study of women who discontinued use of Depo-Provera CI to become pregnant, data are available for 61% of them. Of the 188 women who discontinued the study to become pregnant, 114 became pregnant. Based on Life-Table analysis of these data, it is expected that 68% of women who do become pregnant may conceive within 12 months, 83% may conceive within 15 months, and 93% may conceive within 18 months from the last injection. The median time to conception for those who do conceive is 10 months following the last injection with a range of 4 to 31 months, and is unrelated to the duration of use. No data are available for 39% of the patients who discontinued Depo-Provera CI to become pregnant and who were lost to follow-up or changed their mind."
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Old 01-19-2012, 01:10 PM   #48 (permalink)
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when I first "broke the news' to hubby about wanting to start a family, I booked a "preconception appt" with obgyn that perscribes my depo. he was even going to come with me as he and I both had a lot of questions but had a work mtg last minute.
SO i just went, he made me bring his list of questions too.
I discussed all of this with her. Basically she said the sooner i stop depo and start trying the better, she said "dont drag your heels"
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Old 01-19-2012, 01:59 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Ha!!

"Dont drag your heels."

Too funny. She should have just said "Whats taking you so long, get moving! Hurry up! Tick-Tick-TICK!"

What I read is conception most frequently happening in 12-18 months after depo. The tricky part is that.. you know... it could take 3 months maybe. or 2 years. It also says it is 'unrelated to duration of use'. (See Phizer link above)

Note however that it is normal anyway for women over 35 to take 1-2 years to get preggers, and that isnt all that different. It may just take a little time. Maybe. Place your bets.

Trying to Conceive after age 35 : American Pregnancy Association

Its not bad news. Believe me, 'trying' to get prego is fun.

Last edited by anotherguy; 01-19-2012 at 02:03 PM.
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Old 01-20-2012, 07:38 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Yup, I have read it all and still am researching. Im hoping it doesn't take us too long. But im going to stick with my plan, not mention a thing about baby stuff until im due for depo, then remind him im due and that im not getting it and see if he's "comfortable" with me going off BC completely. Hopefully he is and then we can start trying. I made it last night without saying anything! LOL
one night down, 35 more to go! lmao!! wish me luck
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:07 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

The good thing is that you are older and more mature then lets say having a baby at 25. You know a lot of time, money, effort, and sacrifice is needed for a baby and so does your husband, that is why I think he is "dragging his feet" a little.

He has to sacrifice a lot of the things he enjoys in order to have a baby and even though I think he wants to have a baby with you, I think he always doesnt wanna give up everything that he enjoys either (everything may be exaggerating a bit but you know what I mean).

Best of luck to the both of you though, Hope everything works out.
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:36 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

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Originally Posted by anotherguy View Post
Yeah - you are losing me here if you are planning to stop birth control on your own. Thats crazy.

I think summer would be a perfect time. Valentines is only 26 days away. Honest - you JUST brought it up right? You think 6 months is far to long to wait? What that would do is give him plenty (PLENTY) of time to bring it up himself. (Wouldnt that be great if he did?) If it doesnt happen by the summer, then you would be perfectly reasonable raise the issue to start pushing for a decision I think.

Hopefully some ladies can jump in here and offer some advice too since I'm only a guy.
Stopping birth control on your own is sneaky and unfair. Why should your husband be forced into fatherhood? Women do these things and then complain that their partners are apathetic parents. Having a child should be a mutual decision.

Leave the poor man alone for a little while. You owe him that much respect as your husband; he has politely asked for more time, so give that to him.

I must agree that Depo is awful. It caused me to gain weight and when I came off it, it took 6 months for my period to return. My cycle was not regular until I went on the Pill.
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:37 PM   #53 (permalink)
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Small Update: I have still not mentioned anything about "baby" and its been since last week, this is big for me. Im excited and hopeful that giving DH this time will help. I truly believe he wants to have a baby but like many of you said, is still struggling with the things he enjoys that will change once the baby is here.

Fingers crossed and updates will follow................thanks all
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:42 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Stopping birth control on your own is sneaky and unfair. Why should your husband be forced into fatherhood? Women do these things and then complain that their partners are apathetic parents. Having a child should be a mutual decision.

Leave the poor man alone for a little while. You owe him that much respect as your husband; he has politely asked for more time, so give that to him.

I must agree that Depo is awful. It caused me to gain weight and when I came off it, it took 6 months for my period to return. My cycle was not regular until I went on the Pill.

I would NEVER EVER stop bc without telling him. We have been discussing me stopping the Depo for months, you must not have read all the posts...................OMG i would NEVER do that to him. I only want this child IF HE DOES TOO....
Like right now, I would be devastated if I became pregnant "right now" because he ISN"T READY YET< and then he would be forced into it. I do not want that.
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:34 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Glad to hear that you understand the importance of choice for your husband.

Would you really be devastated if you became pregnant now?
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:09 PM   #56 (permalink)
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No, I would not really be devastated if I became pregnant now. I would actually be thrilled. BUT, I would also be very concerned about dh, as he isn't "there yet" in regards to having children as I am, and i would be concerned about him being "forced" into the situation before he got there on his own.........

I know my DH will be an amazing supportive dad but ONLY if he "gets there" on his own. If it was sprung on him before he was ready, I would worry about him having resentments down the road, you know?
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Old 01-28-2012, 07:06 AM   #57 (permalink)
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So im busting at the seems over here, so I figured maybe posting here would help me.

Im honoring my dh's request to NOT bring up the baby thing for a while. I have until the end of Feb to NOT bring it up and im dieing. I just want to talk about it with him.

He mentioned the other day that he is having trouble remembering to take all his new supplements.
I guess he researched online what he would need to take to boost his health and get him ready to have a baby. To boost male fertility. We had gone to cvs about a month ago and he bought a bunch of stuff, i asked about it and he said "well if we decide to have a baby, i want to be ready when the time comes" - so that is why he bought all that stuff. That same evening I mentioned (this was when i was talking baby stuff all the time) so anyway, i mentioned i had found FertilAid online and that they have it for men and women and that this would be something I would like to research if we decide to have kids.
we are both over 35 and IF we decide to start a family we are realistic about fertility and that it may not "happen" right away.......
So, now i find out that he not only ordered it, but has been taking it for 3 weeks! He mentions this yesterday as he's telling me he's having a hard time remembering to take all his supplements, now im ****ing screaming inside and trying not to do back hamstrings and remain calm, and he says ya im taking this stuff so "IF" we decide to have kids, i know i will have done what needs to be done to help with male fertility.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
AHHHHH
so, i mean im dieing!??!?! All I want to do is talk more about this but i know i can't.
BUT i mean, there is no way he would be doing all this stuff and then come out in a few weeks and say "well i decided i DONT want kids" right?????

Part of me feels like he's torturing me, like its his own control thing or something/!?!?!

i know that not it and i should be thrilled but i just want to talk about it with him. My BC runs out at the end of Feb so that means we "could" start trying then and im just so excited!!!!

im dieing.....
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Old 01-28-2012, 07:25 AM   #58 (permalink)
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The more I sit here and think about this, the more mad I get. I want to talk to him and I think it sucks that I can't speak about the baby thing ...........

Maybe i should also mention that he JUST booked a trip to go out of the country with some buddies to Octoberfest in germany. He'll be gone for 11 days and im really worried about this. Im afraid something will happen to him while he's gone. I have lost a lot of people in my life and im worried he wont come home, I know its silly but its how i feel.
I pray to god that im pregnant by then so at least if something happens, i'll at least have a part of him still with me. Does that sound really messed up? and I can't say any of this to him, i can't talk it through and its making me mad. I mean of course i can say im worried about the trip and that he wont come home safely but .............. I WANNA TALK ABOUT BABY!!!!!!!!!! LMFAO


someone help!
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Old 01-28-2012, 08:23 AM   #59 (permalink)
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Hi sweety,
I can understand the way you feel as I'm on the same mess actually!!!I'm 36 and I met my current partner on a dating website for older women and younger men toyboywarehouse.com as I could see I was more successful among younger men than older
Btw the problem is that he doesn't want children for the time being but my biological clock is running fast and I'm afraid that when he will feel ready for this it will be too late for me!!
xx
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Old 01-31-2012, 02:29 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Default Re: Decision to have children- HELP !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by readyforbaby76 View Post
So im busting at the seems over here, so I figured maybe posting here would help me.

Im honoring my dh's request to NOT bring up the baby thing for a while. I have until the end of Feb to NOT bring it up and im dieing. I just want to talk about it with him.

He mentioned the other day that he is having trouble remembering to take all his new supplements.
I guess he researched online what he would need to take to boost his health and get him ready to have a baby. To boost male fertility. We had gone to cvs about a month ago and he bought a bunch of stuff, i asked about it and he said "well if we decide to have a baby, i want to be ready when the time comes" - so that is why he bought all that stuff. That same evening I mentioned (this was when i was talking baby stuff all the time) so anyway, i mentioned i had found FertilAid online and that they have it for men and women and that this would be something I would like to research if we decide to have kids.
we are both over 35 and IF we decide to start a family we are realistic about fertility and that it may not "happen" right away.......
So, now i find out that he not only ordered it, but has been taking it for 3 weeks! He mentions this yesterday as he's telling me he's having a hard time remembering to take all his supplements, now im ****ing screaming inside and trying not to do back hamstrings and remain calm, and he says ya im taking this stuff so "IF" we decide to have kids, i know i will have done what needs to be done to help with male fertility.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
AHHHHH
so, i mean im dieing!??!?! All I want to do is talk more about this but i know i can't.
BUT i mean, there is no way he would be doing all this stuff and then come out in a few weeks and say "well i decided i DONT want kids" right?????

Part of me feels like he's torturing me, like its his own control thing or something/!?!?!

i know that not it and i should be thrilled but i just want to talk about it with him. My BC runs out at the end of Feb so that means we "could" start trying then and im just so excited!!!!

im dieing.....
(shrug). Go easy on the suppliments. All you need to do is eat like a human and not live on twinkies. Latest research shows little, if any, justification for the widespread us of suppliments, and chronic use even suggests they can do harm. The mindset of 'it cant hurt' or 'its better than nothing' just doesnt hold water. Your fine. Really.

Mortality in Randomized Trials of Antioxidant Supplements for Primary and Secondary Prevention, February 28, 2007, Bjelakovic et al. 297 (8): 842

Multivitamin use and risk of cancer and card... [Arch Intern Med. 2009] - PubMed - NCBI

Hey, February is just about here, your doing fine. Dont stress out....

Unless of course... you want a girl:
Stress Early in Pregnancy Linked to Fewer Baby Boys - US News and World Report
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