Originally Posted by Ready2work
I never thought about it but you may be right about being easier to deal with if we have a bond. My biggest fault has been keeping quiet for so long. I didn't feel like it was my place to stand up to his family if he wouldn't.
It`s not your place.
It`s his responsibility.
I have a tendency to dispose of people once they hurt me so this is a big step for me, even trying to have some type of relationship with them.
I have the same tendency, anyone who goes out of their way to cause me harm is cut out of my life.
I will and have made exceptions for my wife and yes, it`s difficult but for the most part well worth it.
My biggest issue, I think, is getting over the hurt, even if it goes unacknowledged.
Again, if they are sincere in their wishes to bring you into the family this can be dealt with at a later date when you know them better and can approach it at a good time in a good way.
He acknowledges he doesn't know how to stand up to their crying and when I put pressure on him to do so he avoids them altogether so he doesn't have to deal with it.
This is a distinct lack of courage and is a serious problem.
You cannot deal with this on your own because of the family situation.
He NEEDS to have your back.
Oddly enough I`m willing to bet if he just once stood up to them and drew a firm boundary that this crap would stop and they`d get their act together if for no other reason than fear of losing him.
You need to discuss this with him and let him know you need his strength in this matter to support you.
You also need to always be on the high road with them during this attempt at reconciliation because if it does go off the rails and they get nasty you need to have your hands clean.
You cannot give them any issue to point at and say "See what she did?" "How can she treat your family like that and you not care?"
You need to be the one standing on the moral high ground with no dirt on your hands if this comes down to your husband being in the middle in a position where he has to take a side.
It`s very likely if they act up he will be in just such a position.
You need to give him no excuse for being weak by doing something/anything that could even remotely justify their crap.
I said before you can tell them what you think of the way they treat you if you give it a sincere shot and they disrespect you but no name calling, no yelling, no over the top dramatics.
Calm cool and collect and to the point then get the hell out.
Give them no ammo and push your husband towards a place of courage so he will stand with you.
He really needs to man-up for you in this situation.