Dad has no time for kids

Cogo123 · 01-29-2012, 08:57 PM

Married 20yrs, two kids 18 and 10.
My husband has an addiction to online gaming and spends all his free time playing online games.
He spends no time with us except grocery shopping as a family on Saturday.
He told my 10 yr old he never spent time with his dad so that's why he doesn't spend time with him.
My son confronted his grandparents to ask if that was true. It turns out he was lying. His dad spent time with him fishing and they played a few games together. My son approached him about it this evening and he told him it was so few times he doesn't remember. Then he told my son what is said in this house stays in this house. What would you do in this situation 3?
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mattmf01 · 01-29-2012, 09:33 PM

Thats a tough one. I would see if the family could get involved in a "not so noticible way". See if grampa would confront this young mans dad and do the father son talk with dad. Could work out.

Cogo123 · 01-29-2012, 09:34 PM

My 18 yr old is used to him. When I talk to his dad about it he tells me his son is a ***** for crying when he cries to me about his dad not spending time with him.
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SprucHub · 01-29-2012, 09:58 PM

First, I would congratulate the 10yr old for having the b***s to confront his father (a dad is someone who raises his children, not just sires and contributes to the household income). Sounds like more of a man that your H. The "logic" of my dad didn't spend time with me so . . . is really crappy. Even if true, it does not excuse his behavior. What kind of man doesn't want to spend time with his sons, throw a football, teach them chess, watch sports or play video games? A selfish one no doubt. Has it only been recently - once his addiction started - or has it been all 18 years? Unfortunately, it falls on you to make your H see. Your children are grown/growing feeling rejected by their father. In some cases, they'll be looking for the acceptance their whole life. You can also explain, that when he is old and dying, they aren't going to want to hear it. If he thinks your son is being weak, you should retort that your son doesn't have a role model.

Cogo123 · 01-29-2012, 10:08 PM

In my opinion he doesn't deserve kids. Makes me wonder if he would be a better dad if I left him!
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FourtyPlus · 01-31-2012, 12:43 PM

Seems like you have 3 kids in your house instead of 2 kids and a husband. What is your husband doing about his gaming addiction? Seems like the addiction gets in the way of him being the parent he should be.

Cogo123 · 01-31-2012, 01:10 PM

You are so right about having 3 kids! Lol.
He doesn't think he has a problem. His reasoning is he doesn't play as much as he did because his hours at worked changed and he is too tired to play by the time he gets home. He plays ALL weekend. Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. Breaking for meals.
He plays occassionally before work and once in a while after work.

Its up to me to give him an ultimatum but I hate treating him like a child.
In my mind I shouldn't have to go there with an adult.
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FourtyPlus · 01-31-2012, 01:56 PM

Give him an ultimatum, if he acts like a child, he's being treated like one. If he doesn't like that, then it's time to grow up, right?

Cogo123 · 01-31-2012, 03:25 PM

Very true.I know this will turn my world upside down but that may be what I need to do
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abandonedcompletely · 02-02-2012, 05:23 PM

Cogo, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I've been there myself.

My husband was not involved with our kids one bit. They're grown now, but they've all went to him to discuss his emotional detachment towards them. He apologized, but it never changed.

I wish I would have left years ago, when I was healthier. I'm so worried about the emotional damage that was done to the kids, and what they will have to go through to overcome it.

If you need to offer an ultimatum, it's worth it. Either way it will benefit you and your children. Your husband will either step up or will not. If not, you can leave and start your life anew.

Either way, it will be better for you and your children.

My youngest is now 22, and knows his father will never really be a father, which makes my heart so heavy. I have apologized to all the children for their father's behavior and I let them know that his emotional distance, has nothing to do with them and everything to do with him. They know this to be true intellectually but emotionally, that's a different matter

I thought I could be both mother and father to the kids and somehow spare them, but it just doesn't work like that. All I could was try to lessen their hurt.

How I wish I would have handled things differently and saw everything for how it really was as opposed to what I wished it was.

I wish you and your children luck.

Cogo123 · 02-02-2012, 07:17 PM

What did your hubby do in place of spending time with his kids?
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abandonedcompletely · 02-02-2012, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cogo123

What did your hubby do in place of spending time with his kids?
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He'd watch tv, mostly sports...that was about it.

It's sad but true...he's emotionally detached from everyone.