International partner and homesickness - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-01-2012, 11:56 AM Thread Starter
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International partner and homesickness

Hi all.

My wife and I are an international couple and now married for almost 4 years.
Despite our being now experts at coping with differences and issues typical of international couples, I hardly manage my wife's homesickness.

Actually, I don't think that, in her case, it has something to do with very we live. I'm afraid that she's been 'built' to live in one place and one place only. And, trust me, there's no way to tell before the marriage since we cohabited for quite a while.

I don't really fancy throwing money to airlines every time she misses home of her family (we visit her family once a month on average). Anyway...I guess it's me the one that needs to relocate then.

Has any of you ever been stuck in a similar situation?

I appreciate your experiences.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-02-2012, 08:26 AM
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Re: International partner and homesickness

I don't know your full story but you can try moving into a new neighbourhood and find ways to make friends, what your wife needs is friends like her whom she could talk to on a daily basis and look forward to some social activity.

I moved to new country after marriage leaving behind my family and friends, I have felt home sick until I found friends, I made friends from different cultures from around the world as I live in a multicultural society, today I wouldn't change anything and this is my home.

"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-04-2012, 06:19 AM
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Re: International partner and homesickness

You don't include many details so its hard to know the whole story.

I don't believe people are only meant to live in one spot, I think we can live anywhere. I also think it even easier now with modern day devices, we can stay connected to anyone almost anywhere. Email, skype, webcams, etc.

I agree that making friends and getting active in the local community will do a lot in dealing with homesickness. Hobbies help as well.

If language is a problem, then she should enroll in language courses.

My husband and I don't have a lot of money so I only get to visit my family every other year. I think being able to visit home so often is being used as a crutch instead of vesting in the current location.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-14-2012, 05:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: International partner and homesickness

Hi guys and thanks for trying to help me out!

Well, theoretically you are right, everyone is not mean to live just in one place.

Admittedly, friends, social activities, sports and language courses help a lot.

Let's put it this way, probably some of us are less meant to move than other. As much as they like travelling and seeing new places, they could never find another place for them to live other than their own country or city. I don't have scientific evidence but I'm sure for some of us this is the case.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with it but it does affect an international relationship in the long term.

Luckily, I like moving myself or at least remain in new places for much longer. So, a combination of my attitude and my wife's effort to 'resist' longer in my country will do just fine!

Happy Valentine's Day!
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 09:08 AM
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Re: International partner and homesickness

Hi, I'm from the US and moved to Spain for my husband. I have been here for over 10 years. I miss my family terribly... and on top of it, he has everything and everyone here, as we are living where he was born and raised. Sometimes I just wish he would make more gestures to acknowledge how much I left behind and gave up for him. I did it willingly at the time, but it's not easy.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-25-2012, 12:32 PM
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Re: International partner and homesickness

Usually, the husband moves to where the wife was from. It seems to work better that way for most people. Not always, but I rarely see the guy missing his home base as much as the wife does.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-26-2012, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: International partner and homesickness

I think there is no golden rule that applies to everyone. Each couple is different. In my case, for instance, it's been her who has moved to my place, but there's no assurance that in the near future we won't be relocating to her place.

Anyway, it is paramount to appreciate and show our partners how much we appreciate the fact that they had to move. Losing touch (even if only momentarily) with their families and friends, their routine and stuff is tough.

The thing is that in international relationships and relationships in general things change. I know, for instance, that in little time I will move.

And I will, happily!
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