[asylumspadez]

Nora - She isnt her normal self (as I explained in a previous post). I guess the way to put it is that she is more timid towards me I guess. She seems afraid that if she says or does something wrong that she will lose me. She knows that I am done tolerating the behavior she has shown recently and that I wont put up with it any more. However despite this, I dont think the realness of the situation has sunk in it. I feel she still sees it as I got my baby and nothing more. Hopefully this will change when she gets further into her pregnancy and realize that its not as great as it seems to be in her fantasy world.

The two weeks we spent apart were the two weeks I did a majority of the thinking and really mapped out what I wanna do. As I said before, I am going to be there for her and my child but the whole relationship rests on how she changes and nothing else. If she continues acting this way then our relationship will last much long. Hopefully IC will help her.

that girl - The savings are a huge help though. Instead of going into our pockets and pretty much going broke, We have all that money to buy all the things we need and then some. FYI (just to avoid confusion) - I make 30 grand a year, My gf makes about 15.

[FirstYearDown]

The three of you can live off of $45,000, depending on where you live.

That_Girl is the only parent I know who feels that children are not expensive.

[applelemon]

Originally Posted by that_girl

I had my daughter at 23. No savings but did just fine. That was 12 years ago and we're doing great.

You won't need all that 20,000 for the kid. Kids really aren't that expensive until they get older. lol. Learn the tricks and where to shop.

Urm... Inflation
or perhaps you had help?
No mother that I know of can survive on 20,000. Sure, it won't be spent all on the child but there are bills, rent (or mortgage), food, health costs, clothes, the list goes on. My friend (husband works as well) makes about 36,000 a year and they were on government assistance since their first child last year.

[asylumspadez]

Its been a few days since my last post so I thought Id give you all a minor update. Things have been average as of late. We talk a lot more at night (not just about the baby but numerous things). We have a greatly increased sex life as well. Our sex life has always been good but in the past few days, We just cant control ourselves. Its like the smallest things set us off and we find ourselves in various places (bathrooms, cars) and we go at it like animals. I dont know why its like this now but I love it lol.

Besides that, We talked a lot more about therapists and she wants to go to one sooner rather than later. We are gonna start looking for one in the next few days so fingers crossed. Ill post something new (besides occassional replys) in the next few days).

[asylumspadez]

Little update for you all:
She started IC yesterday. It went rather well (acording to her) but I am going to wait a few weeks in order to see how effective it really is. She is going to IC 3 days a week for 2 hour sessions. I hope it does her some good because her problems are definently the biggest ones in our relationship.

She said her counselor wants to get me in her sessions (couples counseling sort of thing) so she can talk with me and see how I feel about things and what I think needs to be done in order to fix our relationship (and so on so forth). I plan on going but I want my gf to do solo for a month or so, Mainly because I want the counselor to focus on her more then me.

Besides this, Its been pretty boring. All the random baby stuff going on, Its still a bit crazy around here but we make it work. The sex life is still going on like crazy though and it hasnt let up one bit

Angel5112:
No one said it would be impossible, Its just very difficult. I am sure you had to sacrifice a lot of things in order to make ends meet, Which is the whole point of this arguement.

My friend's dad raised 4 kids (my friend and his 3 siblings) by himself. He made about 14,000 a year working full time in order to support them. He worked **** job after **** job, At times he even had to work 6 days a week just to make ends meet. He got goverment assitance (food stamps mostly) but most of the time he was on his own. That proves how much of a sacrifice and a struggle it is raising a child on low income.

That isnt my case though. I make a pretty decent income and with the money I have on the side, It makes the situation a lot easier.

[KirkSpock]

EDIT: Whoops,m I didn't realize the last post from OP was over 2 months ago. I didn't mean to respond to a "dead thread". My apologies :-)
END OF EDIT

Asylum, I don't mean to "kick you when you are down", but I feel there are a few fallacies in your posts that I should point out:

1. This notion that you wont get married because, while she may be having your child, that doesn't mean she will "have you". This is an untrue statement and was untrue the minute she became pregnant. She has you completely, both emotionally (the rest of your life) and financially (at least the next 18 years, probably more). The only thing she doesn't have is you physically....which you just posted has changed as well. I'm not saying this is good, bad, or otherwise....just know that she ALREADY has you in many ways, so don't fool yourself into thinking holding marriage over her head will mean anything to her (at this point). She fooled you good and the minute her deception was successful, she had you, hook line and sinker, regardless of the state contract that binds you in marriage.

2. You post about using BC AND condoms, and checking the condoms before use as a deterrent against this happening again. I'm not trying to be a smarta$$, but come on now...how realistic is that? You posted just a few posts later how you cant keep away from each other (in the bedroom). Can you honestly say that, especially as time goes on and you become more and more relaxed, that you will check the condom each and every time passion takes over? HIGHLY DOUBTFUL.

3. Because you gave her a free pass (She violates you, and in return you have to apologize for her violating you, she gets a new apartment, etc.), with the stern "But this better not happen again....OR ELSE" warning, you can rest assured that it wont happen again.....in this manner. Instead of fessing up to getting off the BC, she'll simply lie to you and tell you the condom must have broken, the pill just must not have been effective, the timing was off for her placebo pills....etc. See, when people are let off scot free after doing terrible things to others, they learn two things: 1, that they can do it again with, most likely, the same results (ie: no consequences) and 2. that if they do indeed engage in these actions again, they need to modify it slightly so they aren't caught or, at the very least, aren't held responsible.

With that said, I am completely baffled on what advice to offer as you are truly in one of the worst positions to be in: young, tricked, and trying to make the best out of a horrific violation (and trust me, you were violated). But I think understanding the points I made above may help you make better decisions in the future, if nothing else.

I can only offer my own perspective and how I might handle something like this. If my significant other lied to my face like that and stole my sperm (think about that for a minute), there could never be any trust ever again. I would feel raped: and from a certain point of view, I think this can indeed be called rape. It's ONE THING if the condom breaks or you fall into the .1% of the effectiveness of the BC: these things do happen and are indeed accidents.....but neither of those situations occurred. You were forcibly tricked, by this woman who "looooooovvveessssss" you, into a life altering experience by her theft of your sperm. Imagine the societal outrage against you, as a man, if you drugged your wife and had sex with her with the intent of impregnating her despite her wishes that she not have children. People would be after your head: you would be labeled scum, rapist, freak, terrible person, etc. I wonder if you can make the correlation between the example just provided and your own situation, and if you realize that the man I just described probably would make a terrible father, let alone a human being.............take from that what you will.