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This may turn into almost more of a rant. But I am really at a loss so input would be nice.
Recently, My engagement ring and one of my wedding bands were stolen from their hiding spot. I tore everything apart, hoping that it had magically been moved. I spoke with my mom about it, called my separated husband, and told/asked everyone in the house about it. The house was not broken into and there was money taken out of the drawer as well.
This is not the first time money has been taken from various hiding spots in my room, and also not the first time I have brought it up to the household head and the people living in the house. No one ever knows who could have done it, everyone is innocent and nothing is done about it.
A friend of mine lived here for a few months and had her credit card taken from her purse and used for online porn. the name and email were belonging to one of the household members.
This, is where the mess comes in. When Household head (mom) was told what was done and who had done it the immediate reaction was that my friend needed to move out. Then, that it must have been someone else framing said culprit, and then that it was my friend framing said culprit. Turns out, it was indeed the person who was supposedly "framed" and he confessed. Nothing is done about this behavior. Just as nothing was ever done about any cash missing out of my room, or anyone else's missing cash, or missing items. (and xbox, a few ipods etc)
So now back to my rings. I ask for rooms to be gone through, I get met with an argument. I ask for something to be done, some punishment to be given to this kid for the missing money that was admittedly taken, I get an argument, I had caught him going in my room once, nothing was done. I have had the whole thing thrown back in MY face, and told that it was MY fault for leaving things out. Things that I had actually hidden in my own room. I catch slack for trying to purchase a lock for my door, and ultimately am left to either accept the loss of my rings or find my own way to report them stolen.
I have no car, and the police station that handles my area, is a 30 minute or more drive one way. I have to do this myself. I'm offered no assistance, no compassion, and it's treated like I am supposed to just shrug it off and act/feel as if nothing happened.
I finally made it up to the police, and now whoever stole the rings and the money are faced with a felony and prison time. Now, because of me, There is a trooper stopping in and interviewing every member of the house. That type of conviction can ruin someones life, especially at a young age.
And this is my problem. Everything that has gone missing has been ignored, every time "someone" has been caught, it's been ignored. It has been taught now, that this behavior is acceptable. And now it comes to police involvement. I have tried every single direction to speak my concern for this person. To speak my concern for the lack of action being taken. I've yelled, spoke, reasoned with, pleaded with, explained, and it all comes down to I am clearly out of line, it's none of my business and I am not to tell someone how to parent.
I have no idea what on earth to do now. This individual is allowed free roam of the house, allowed to behave however, throw tantrums like a 4 yr old, punch walls, scream, yell, insult, use, and steal. Everyone in the house avoids him, Everyone in the house is affected daily by his moods and outbursts, and everyone is affected by the things going "missing" He's allowed to walk all over everyone, and anyone in the house who stands up to it, or says anything is shut down, scolded, yelled at etc.
it's starting to look more like a co-dependant abusive relationship between mom and son and it makes me sick. It's so unhealthy. And here I am, no car, no where else to live, left to feel like I am going to be the "bad guy" and feel unwelcomed because something was taken from me and I actually did something about it.
I feel like I am walking on egg shells. I feel like I am the enemy in the household, and I hate that everyone has to endure the entire investigation because no one could care enough to leave my ring, and respect my things and what I do manage to do around here for everyone enough to not take from me. Especially when I give if I can to help someone out in the house. I don't understand what on earth is going on, and I am helpless to help the situation. Even when I word it as "I am tired of watching the toll this takes on you, how you're treated, etc" Im told its not my business and to not worry.
I just don't know. The stress is destroying me and I'm sure my husband that I left would rather not have to be my shoulder through all of this and just spend real time with me.
The problem with that comes in with I don't have a car, or get paid enough to support myself on my own with my current bills.
And with what my husband pulled, I have to pay off $600 in bills from our previous residence in order to even have utilities turned on if I did get my own place. So I'm screwed any which way I look at it.
Even if I take on a car payment, thats more cash going out.
I know how you feel. My sister, every month, would be moaning and groaning about how she didn't have enough for her car payment, but she always managed to come up with the money. One day, I go to the bank to get out $400 to buy a new bass guitar, and the teller starts shaking her head, saying I only have $150 in my account (I should have had about $3,500 at the time).
Sure enough, almost every month for the past two years, $200 would magically disappear from my savings. I went to my mother (big mistake) to tell her, she told me that she KNEW it was my sister, that "oh well, you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip", and then she told me never to mention it again to ANYONE, allegedly to "keep dad quiet". I should have gone to my father first.
This happened over 20 years ago, and it STILL hurts. So please-do something about your problem, or you will hate yourself for doing nothing for the rest of your life.
In the mean time go buy a new door knob/handle kit that locks with a key. Lock your room when you are not in it. If your mom objects put back (not physically), tell her that since she chooses to let her son run wild you have to protect ourself and your belongings.
But again, do something to get out of that house. If you cannot find a job... go to school. Get grants and student loans, live on campus for rent an efficiency apartment. If you choose the education rout you will be much more likely to be able to support yourself in the furture. And it does not need to be a college degree... there are community colleges with certificate programs that lead to very good jobs. Get some skills.
Do you ever have the house to yourself? First-(if so), thoroughly go through his room with a fine tooth comb. Look everywhere.
Second-check all the pawn shops or jewelry stores that buy jewelry in the area. Chances are-he's not gonna keep it-he stole it for some fast cash.
Then-if or when you find your items in his possession, or find he's pawned them-throw the little SOB in jail.
Call churches and other organizations in your area. You may be able to find housing based on your income...but get out! Fast!