[endlessgrief]

Originally Posted by 827Aug

I'm so sorry to hear about your tormented life. That's really awful. Although I had two very loving parents and a decent childhood, I've more than made up for it over the past six years. My six year saga reads much like life long story (different area, of course). I just couldn't imagine living with so many frickin' idiots around me for so long. And here I thought six years felt like an eternity! No real advice, but I hope things change for the better for you real soon.

Thank you for reaching out, it means a lot. By the way, the dog on your avatar is gorgeous! Is that an Australian Shepherd? If it weren't for my four exotic parrots and my dog, I would go nuts.

[endlessgrief]

very astute specwar! Everyone has a right to be who they are. In my family we had to be who dad wanted us to be,down to what we found funny or scary. Total mind control. All the screaming, arguments, pleading, and calm conversations have gotten me nowhere with my family (it's the Kool-aide, I tell ya) so I am just trying to move on.

My therapist put it like this: For all of my life, my family danced in a specific formation. Everyone had their own dance steps that were given to them by my father. As my therapy progressed and I started to dance differently, they all went on the attack trying to get me to go back to dancing the way I was trained to dance. Yet still, I continue to change my dance steps and it drives them all nuts. I will never stop dancing to my own tune. I am not doing this to hurt them, I am doing this to save ME.

[FirstYearDown]

I have heard that same analogy, albeit from a book about borderline mothers and not my therapist.

I danced alone for many years, teaching myself the best steps.

My husband taught me some more steps and now we dance together.