[Hope1964]

*climbing up on my soap box*

I see that excuse SO many times here, from spouses who don't want to break up their family and they think that 'staying together for the kids' is better than breaking up. In the (VERY RARE) odd case this MAY be true. But the vast majority of the time, it sounds ludicrous to me.

Think about it. Your kids KNOW there's tension. They KNOW you're fighting. They are NOT happy with things the way they are. They are seeing their parents unhappy, maybe seeing their mom being yelled at or their dad falling down drunk a lot, or cheating. They live in the house - there's no way they can avoid sensing all this, no matter how hard you try to hide it.

Why do you think they'd be better off growing up in that environment, rather than one in which their parents live apart but are happy?

Or are you just using this as an excuse because it's the easier thing to do?

I left my kids' father when my youngest was 4 months old. I know what life as a single parent is like. I know it breaks the (older) kids hearts. But you know what? THEY GET OVER IT. And when they're grown, they just might come and thank you for leaving the no good so and so and giving them a much better environment to grow up in. Kids are smart people.

There, I'm done now.

[Almostrecovered]

I agree with you, cue chapparal for the opposing side

[CandieGirl]

My mother divorced my father when I was 4. Even my grandmother divorced...twice! I'd never stay with a man for the kids. Never.

[Deejo]

Originally Posted by Hope1964

*climbing up on my soap box*

I see that excuse SO many times here, from spouses who don't want to break up their family and they think that 'staying together for the kids' is better than breaking up. In the (VERY RARE) odd case this MAY be true. But the vast majority of the time, it sounds ludicrous to me.

Think about it. Your kids KNOW there's tension. They KNOW you're fighting. They are NOT happy with things the way they are. They are seeing their parents unhappy, maybe seeing their mom being yelled at or their dad falling down drunk a lot, or cheating. They live in the house - there's no way they can avoid sensing all this, no matter how hard you try to hide it.

Why do you think they'd be better off growing up in that environment, rather than one in which their parents live apart but are happy?

Or are you just using this as an excuse because it's the easier thing to do?

I left my kids' father when my youngest was 4 months old. I know what life as a single parent is like. I know it breaks the (older) kids hearts. But you know what? THEY GET OVER IT. And when they're grown, they just might come and thank you for leaving the no good so and so and giving them a much better environment to grow up in. Kids are smart people.

There, I'm done now.

Now imagine that your husband gets custody of your kids ... Not you. At best you get to see them 50% of the time or perhaps much less. I would expect that changes ones perspective.


I don't believe that anyone should stay with an abusive partner. But I do believe many people that choose 'stay for the kids' also hope, or intend to work at improving the marriage.

[SadSamIAm]

I have stayed because of the kids and because I have been hoping for a better relationship. My kids may have been better off if I left years ago. Not sure about that one.

I am at the end of my rope and thinking all the time about leaving.

My daughter will be graduating in 3.5 months. I am currently thinking of leaving during the summer.

The kids know that things aren't great. They know they haven't been great for a while. But they see the odd good time. They will still be devastated when the marriage is actually over.

[Stryker]

Originally Posted by Deejo

Now imagine that your husband gets custody of your kids ... Not you. At best you get to see them 50% of the time or perhaps much less. I would expect that changes ones perspective.


I don't believe that anyone should stay with an abusive partner. But I do believe many people that choose 'stay for the kids' also hope, or intend to work at improving the marriage.

Good POV.

[that_girl]

My mom and stepdad (only dad I knew) divorced when I was 12.

I do not remember it. I was not bothered that they divorced. My mom put me in therapy and I just laughed. I was fine.

I actually liked it BETTER when they were apart. I got two homes, two each of the holidays and no more fighting/bad vibes.

[Stryker]

Originally Posted by that_girl

My mom and stepdad (only dad I knew) divorced when I was 12.

I do not remember it. I was not bothered that they divorced. My mom put me in therapy and I just laughed. I was fine.

I actually liked it BETTER when they were apart. I got two homes, two each of the holidays and no more fighting/bad vibes.

---A Melancholic Post with Inherent Losses than the Apparent Gaiety...

[Hope1964]

Originally Posted by Deejo

Now imagine that your husband gets custody of your kids ... Not you. At best you get to see them 50% of the time or perhaps much less. I would expect that changes ones perspective.

But would the KIDS be happier dividing their time between parents living apart? That should be the question. Not what the parents want.

[tacoma]

I see your point Hope and agree with it to an extent but...

I`ve never met a kid whose parents split while the kid was at a young age who didn`t suffer from it for an extended period of time.

I know many who never got over it and it`s reflected in their life choices years down the road.

There is an argument to be made for staying together for the kids.

I don`t think kids notice as much as many here say they do, my daughter generally hasn`t a clue if my and my wife are getting along and I don`t particularly think she cares.

In my experience kids don`t care about much until it has a direct effect on them personally.

I figure if I could split with my wife and have a cordial co-parenting situation I could do the same while we still lived together.

Of course every situation is different.

[mr.miketastic]

Kids also do notice sometimes, that the effort you put out to stay, not fight and work your butt off to support them in whatever way they need. This sets a good example that they can point to and say "My dad put up with a lot to be in my life and he was always there for me" I want that...

[that_girl]

Originally Posted by Stryker

---A Melancholic Post with Inherent Losses than the Apparent Gaiety...

Eh?

lol. You do not know me, nor how I felt. I was only sad that I had to move away from my house...but...life goes on.

Not everyone cries about these things or thinks it is a bad thing. It was WAY better than hearing my mom screaming all the time. Eesh.

[that_girl]

Originally Posted by mr.miketastic

Kids also do notice sometimes, that the effort you put out to stay, not fight and work your butt off to support them in whatever way they need. This sets a good example that they can point to and say "My dad put up with a lot to be in my life and he was always there for me" I want that...

My stepdad was always there for me, even after divorce. My mom moved only 5 miles away. I never lacked a dad until his new wife walked all over him and decided I was no longer family.

THAT was a problem, but my parents' divorce was not.

He's dead now, but he was a good dad.

Some kids may think dad is a big 'ol pushover (or mom) because they stayed and endured abuse when they could have left to have been happy.

I didn't want my duaghter to grow up in the home i had with her father. Omg. I wanted her to know her mother as a happy woman. Not a woman who was beaten down and sad.

[Stryker]

Originally Posted by that_girl

Eh?

lol. You do not know me, nor how I felt. I was only sad that I had to move away from my house...but...life goes on.

Not everyone cries about these things or thinks it is a bad thing. It was WAY better than hearing my mom screaming all the time. Eesh.

---Well as you say,........hmm States of The Families...

[that_girl]

Originally Posted by Stryker

---Well as you say,........hmm States of The Families...

Yea, as I say is right. O_o I know who I am.

lolll Ok then! NEXT!