, wow, I am very sorry for you and your wife. It's good to know that what happened did not affect your relationship in a negative way. For many couples, it does... At least in my experience. There can be a gradual buildup of resentment.
well, it certainly affected us... but, it was just one of the many factors that influenced our relationship. my wife struggled, and still does struggle, with feeling like a failure as a woman because she cant seem to carry to term anymore. if she dwells on those thoughts too much, she starts to see resentment where there really is none. I have never felt bad about it personally, except for seeing the pain it causes her.
my wife and I are planning on adopting out of the foster system, but we are currently working on integrating another family into our home until they can get back on their feet. that will likely take several years. so far, they are doing great, but it will take a little time to get things settled. in the mean time, we are still going ahead with the adoption process, but we wont be looking to place anyone in our home until we have the dynamics between our two families hashed out.
from what I see, its usually the individuals who ruin their own relationships due to stresses like fertility issues. for instance, my wife treating me coldly when she thinks that i resent her when i really don't. or someone fooling themselves into believing that its the woman's fault, continuing to tell themselves that to justify their bad feelings about the subject.
my wife and i have had all kinds of stressors in our marriage. multiple deployments, pregnancy in the first year, sexless first few years, infidelity, crazy In-Law issues, financial problems, financial infidelity, etc. the ONLY ones that really impacted our relationship were the ones that were chosen as an action. infidelity, lying about money, etc.
so, if i chose to resent my wife for not being able to have more children, it would be my choice to blame her that would be the reason our relationship suffered.
is it really the fertility issues that cause the strife in the relationship? from where i stand, its not. that's just the excuse used to manifest an internal problem into an external one.