You have already posted about your mother and her inability to let go. She says nasty things to make you feel guilty about living your own life. I won't say that you shouldn't let it bother you, because it is natural to be upset when mothers are insulting.
Capricorn, I have a strong feeling that you already know what you need to do
. You readily admit that you need to be much more assertive, so there is no need to constantly seek validation for your feelings or standing up to your mother. This problem is not new.
Why did you have to ask your parents for help? That is what moving companies or friends are for. Do not invite negative people into your private business! It just gives them ammo. My mother groans about knowing very little about my life, but we like it that way. I know she likes to gossip and put me down, so I hardly share anything.
My parents tried to stifle me and keep me a little girl in their home forever. I was viewed as rebellious and picked on by other family members, because I dared to make my own choices and lived on my own. I had to stop caring about their approval in order to learn about myself. You need to do the same. I can certainly appreciate growing up in a toxic family, but you are behaving as if you are still a scared child and not a woman. You no longer need to be afraid of your parents!
I will paraphrase what I said to you in the last thread about your mom: Be civil, but never friendly. Do not tell her anything about your life and coldly let your mom know that your husband comes first: "Nothing you say will change how I feel about my husband and his family. If you cannot be positive, you don't need to be around us." Not standing up to your mother and then complaining about it to others solves nothing. Only you can help yourself, babes.