What should I do when my parents ask an insulting question about my fiance's family? - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »The Family & Parenting Forums » What should I do when my parents ask an insulting question about my fiance's family?

The Family & Parenting Forums Family dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.

Like Tree7Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-01-2012, 09:25 PM   #16 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In an igloo.
Posts: 2,013
Default Re: What should I do when my parents ask an insulting question about my fiance's fami

You have already posted about your mother and her inability to let go. She says nasty things to make you feel guilty about living your own life. I won't say that you shouldn't let it bother you, because it is natural to be upset when mothers are insulting.

Capricorn, I have a strong feeling that you already know what you need to do. You readily admit that you need to be much more assertive, so there is no need to constantly seek validation for your feelings or standing up to your mother. This problem is not new.

Why did you have to ask your parents for help? That is what moving companies or friends are for. Do not invite negative people into your private business! It just gives them ammo. My mother groans about knowing very little about my life, but we like it that way. I know she likes to gossip and put me down, so I hardly share anything.

My parents tried to stifle me and keep me a little girl in their home forever. I was viewed as rebellious and picked on by other family members, because I dared to make my own choices and lived on my own. I had to stop caring about their approval in order to learn about myself. You need to do the same. I can certainly appreciate growing up in a toxic family, but you are behaving as if you are still a scared child and not a woman. You no longer need to be afraid of your parents!

I will paraphrase what I said to you in the last thread about your mom: Be civil, but never friendly. Do not tell her anything about your life and coldly let your mom know that your husband comes first: "Nothing you say will change how I feel about my husband and his family. If you cannot be positive, you don't need to be around us." Not standing up to your mother and then complaining about it to others solves nothing. Only you can help yourself, babes.
FirstYearDown is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-02-2012, 08:09 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 22,773
Default Re: What should I do when my parents ask an insulting question about my fiance's fami

Quote:
Originally Posted by capricorngirl_99 View Post

I need to be more assertive with them for sure. I grew up in an environment where you do not dare question the parents or authority, even when the parents are in the wrong. If I ever tried to, I got spanked for it. But I need to be not so afraid of my parents and stand up to them. I am tired of their holier than thou attitude towards people. I am tired of them making my life a living hell, as well as my fiance's.
I'd rather grow up in a messy house where I knew I was loved, than in a house where I had to toe the line or not get love.

You will definitely have to TEACH your parents - since you are an adult, after all - how to treat you and your fiance. Any time they say such things, smile, take their hand, and say 'I love you, but I can't let you disrepect my fiance or his family. If you continue, I'll end up not wanting to be around you.' Then change the subject.
turnera is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2012, 08:10 AM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 22,773
Default Re: What should I do when my parents ask an insulting question about my fiance's fami

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
Simply tell your parents your loyalties lie with your husband and that he will hear every snide comment they make.

They'll shut up
Posted via Mobile Device
Perfect.
turnera is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Parents disapprove of fiancé skidude200 The Family & Parenting Forums 8 11-26-2012 09:23 AM
family or parents? joeschmo General Relationship Discussion 23 05-10-2012 01:34 AM
Family v. Fiance carolina2011 The Family & Parenting Forums 6 12-20-2011 02:28 PM
What do I do when my parents badmouth my fiance? starsandrocketsgrl12 The Family & Parenting Forums 28 01-16-2011 11:30 AM
Moving in with Fiance and Family... Xontha The Family & Parenting Forums 1 11-21-2009 01:30 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:42 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage