The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
So I guess in this case I'm just looking for opinions on what I'm doing is 'wrong' or what.
I was close friends with 'Ann' starting in about 7th grade. She and my brother started dating some time after that and were together for high school, college, and several years after college. She and I were very close and when my sister died and I was away at college, she 'took care of me' so to speak. We pretty much shared everything in those years. She dumped my brother after 9 years together (they never married) and within a few months married someone else. They now have two kids.
My brother moved on and met and married an absolutely wonderful woman and they are deliriously happy together. My brother has no interest Ann's life or anything.
I didn't talk to Ann for several years after they broke up, even though it had nothing to do with me. However, we're both on FB (my brother and his wife aren't) and I live on the other side of the world from all of them. Sometimes I talk to Ann on FB (never on the phone or anything else) and I take an interest in her life. We were close friends for so many years that I think it would be strange if I didn't.
My brother knows that I am in contact with her and he hasn't said anything to me about it either way (neither 'you have my blessing,' nor 'cut it out'). But since my brother isn't on FB and doesn't use email or EVER answer his phone, and lives on the other side of the world, I talk to him maybe once/year. There's nothing wrong with our relationship, there's just not much in the way of communication. Bringing up something like this on the extremely rare occasions that we talk would be beyond bizarre.
So... am I wrong to continue to have a 'friendship' with Ann? She ended their relationship under not nice terms and could have handled the whole thing much better. My brother was pretty miserable for a little while (until he met my amazing sister in law). But now bro + SIL are living in pure marital bliss, whereas Ann has an absent H, a toddler, and a kid with major special needs, and sometimes she needs a person to vent to, and after so many years of friendship, sometimes I'm the one she vents to.
Sweetie, I see nothing wrong with this at all... Especially if your brother hasn't said anything, or wouldn't say anything. It's probably a big help to her to have a lovely friend like you to vent to when she needs it. Sounds like she's going through a lot in her life. Even if things between she and your brother ended up kind of messy, (and after the length of time they spent together, I don't see how it wouldn't be), she is still a human being in need of compassion. Hopefully the experience has made her a stronger, better person!
Btw my brothers and I are the same way about communicating... It rarely happens on the phone... Maybe a few times a year - and it's awkward... But you know, birthdays and stuff. Sometimes it's just easier to type some well thought out well-wishes or everyday communications online, (all of my siblings are on FB so I love that! )
Don't ditch 'Ann' unless there is a good reason to. I don't think you should feel conflicted about it at all! *hugs* Posted via Mobile Device
Oh gosh I'm sorry folks!! I didn't think to mention my sex haha. I'm a woman. We were best girlfriends, took a break for my bro's breakup, and now we're friendly but not 'besties.' Oops!!!! (And I am married, if that matters, but I've never met her H/kids, she's never met my H.)
That's an interesting question, and not an angle I had ever considered. I have no idea. Her H is on FB and I comment on her stuff and she comments on mine, so it should be pretty obvious that we talk to each other. We never, ever talk about him, I know almost nothing about him. I suspect that she is disappointed in their relationship (based on some things she has said/posted) because he is often not around and she has to shoulder the entire responsibility of the kids including the special needs stuff which is major. I think she might feel awkward talking to me about it, almost embarrassed that she picked him over my brother (even though she knows that he's married now). But if her H feels weird about her staying in contact with her ex's sister... that I have NO idea.
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That's an interesting question, and not an angle I had ever considered. I have no idea. Her H is on FB and I comment on her stuff and she comments on mine, so it should be pretty obvious that we talk to each other. We never, ever talk about him, I know almost nothing about him. I suspect that she is disappointed in their relationship (based on some things she has said/posted) because he is often not around and she has to shoulder the entire responsibility of the kids including the special needs stuff which is major. I think she might feel awkward talking to me about it, almost embarrassed that she picked him over my brother (even though she knows that he's married now). But if her H feels weird about her staying in contact with her ex's sister... that I have NO idea.
my whole first post doesnt count, i will play indian giver on that one.
that was based on you being male, so maybe in your next life.
her being female and you being female, i really dont see a problem based on your brother being an ex.
just make sure you DO NOT tell any of his personal business.
th th th thats all folks
we must all be mentally handicapped in some way. I automatically felt you were a male and that you were getting emotionally attached to ANN. lol. I guess we all have issues on here.
I see nothing wrong, be afriend but also live your life
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my relationship with my brother's ex 
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