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I have been married to my husband for 18 years. He came into my son's life when he was 9 months old. When my second son was born there was a definate riff in my oldest son's realationship with my husband, but I was expecting a little but not like it is.
My boys childhood was normal, well I cant say normal, my husband babied our youngest his whole life and treated my oldest like the "step child". We all through the years learned to listen to him and make him happy.
Our oldest moved out when he was 19 because the strain between my husband and my son was becoming a problem with our marriage and our family life. Everything was good, we would go visit him and my husband and him were like buddies. They were the way I always dreamed it would be. Then my son got sick. He didnt have insurance so we couldnt find out what was wrong with him because no dr would see him. So our solution was to have him move back in with us so we can put him on our insurance so we can find out what was wrong with him.
He came home and it took one month for the pot to boil over.
One morning my oldest son had a long night the night before of heavy drinking and the effects had not worn off yet, my husband works nights so he had not slept all night and he stopped to have a drink before he came home to sleep. As soon as my husband saw my son drunk he lost it. I asked/yelled for them to separate and calm down and they did. I left, when it was calm to go to the store and I didnt get a half a mile away before I got a call from my son telling me "dad is beating up G_ _ _!!!" so I turned around and by the time I got there, there was my husband with a fat lip and ripped cloths and my son with blood coming out of his ear. Both yelling about I have no idea. The police showed up and my husband had my son put in jail. I cant get him out until Monday!
I feel like I had a death in the family and I guess I kind of did. Now my son wants my husband to go to jail and wants to press charges against him and my husband wants to press charges against my son.
My question is, What the hell am I suppose to do!!!!! If I talk to my husband my son is mad thinks I should not ever talk to him again. My husband thinks I should not talk to my son ever again. I think I should just run away far far away.
I would really appriciate some advice because I dont know the first step I should take!?!?!?!?
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
It sounds to me like you have an aggressive or abusive husband, if you all 'learned to make him happy.' Have you ever heard of the term 'walking on eggshells'?
Your son is an adult. If he wants to press charges, let him. If your husband wants to press charges, let him. It is NOT your job to intervene. If you will stop being everyone's crutch, they will learn to handle these issues as they should.
If you can afford it, take your other son and go to a hotel for a couple days. Let them work it out.
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
My guess is your husband does what he wants and you stand by him, so as not to upset him. Therefore, when he called the police, you said nothing. Close?
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma
Why was your son arrested and your husband left alone?
What caused the cops to make that particular call?
You've really told us noting about what's going on other than they had a physical fight.
What caused it? Posted via Mobile Device
For the last five years my husband has thought my son was lazy, and depends on other people, family or friends to get him a job, etc. I agree he is lazy but he moved out and had to move back in due to medical reason's and insurance. We origanally about three years ago told him he had to go out on his own or start paying rent, he moved and got sick and I cant let him be sick and my husband and I have pretty good insurance. As soon as he moved in my husband had a problem. He sat him down gave him rules that my son followed but it wasnt enough, it didnt matter what he did my husband would find something wrong??? I've asked him and he says he doesnt know why he is feeling such anger towards him.
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera
My guess is your husband does what he wants and you stand by him, so as not to upset him. Therefore, when he called the police, you said nothing. Close?
You are right I didnt say anything. I was told both of them were going to jail. I didnt know my husband didnt go until they came and picked up my son.
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
Frankly, it sounds like you need to stop catering to your husband.
I know that situation well, I grew up in it, except all 3 of us were good for nothing, and his one kid was gods gift to humanity. It got to a point where my step dad was trying to fight my little brothers. My mom never let it get to a point where he actually fought them. She left.
I'm certain you love your husband, but seriously, put your foot down on how it needs to be. Get him in counseling, whatever, but do you and your sons a favor and don't let his behavior continue, I personally think it's continued far too long as it is.
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadj
For the last five years my husband has thought my son was lazy, and depends on other people, family or friends to get him a job, etc. I agree he is lazy but he moved out and had to move back in due to medical reason's and insurance. We origanally about three years ago told him he had to go out on his own or start paying rent, he moved and got sick and I cant let him be sick and my husband and I have pretty good insurance. As soon as he moved in my husband had a problem. He sat him down gave him rules that my son followed but it wasnt enough, it didnt matter what he did my husband would find something wrong??? I've asked him and he says he doesnt know why he is feeling such anger towards him.
Then your H is a bully and needs help... You also need to stick up for your son in this situation. If your H doesn't know why he has such anger for your son, he needs to figure it out NOW. I personally would not stand by and watch what is happening now.
I would also stand by my son when he presses charges against your H. If you know that your H has a problem with your son and nothing has been done to address that previously, you are just as responsible for the treatment your son is getting from your H.
I see it like this, and I know it's different, if you had a toddler and your H had such anger towards your toddler, and your toddler could do nothing right in your H's eyes and you knew this --- whose fault is it if your H abuses your toddler? Your H is abusing your son now.
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
A friend of mine has a boarder in her home. The young man is 22 and suffers from ADHD as well as mental illness. He is not well enough to live independently; he has to be reminded to bathe and cook for himself. The government pays this man disability benefits.
He is not living with his mother, because the stepfather does not like him. She chose to kick out her vulnerable and sick son to please the stepdad. It is quite obvious who is more important in the mother's eyes. So sad.
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
I am curious, what kind of medical condition does your son have? Is is something that being out heavily drinking could affect?
I understand how frustrating it must be for you to have this happen, but YOU have to step outside of the situation and let your husband and your ADULT son work this out. Do not pick sides as hard as it may be (easier said than done). They both sound like they have issues to resolve.
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son??
tacoma, be real. This situation is one in which the new husband has issues. If my son was stealing, I'd call the police on him, so he could learn not to steal again. If he was hitting, I'd have him committed for help. But if my new husband was the kind of person who would LET my son go to jail, you can bet I'd pick my son over that man.
8Likes
What happens when your husband hates your son?? 
Re: What happens when your husband hates your son?? 
