[happilymarriedbutnot]

I have been with my husband for 11 years, but only married for 4. He has 3(2 are already emanicpated) children with his ex wife. In the past we would always meet for dinner for the kids' birthdays and spend part of the holidays with his ex. My husband always told me that it was easier for the kids. However, we went through a court battle and have started to do things seperately. Now that this is over, my husband's ex wants to go back to the way things used to be. I have a very big problem with that. She has told me I was a good person one minute and then told me I was fake and not nice simply because she was mad that we were with the kids on one of their birthdays without her. I really don't know what to do. I love my husband and my step children, who are close with me. Easter is Sunday and she wants us all to go out again. My husband doesn't want to, but doesn't care because it's "easier on the kids." I don't want things to go back that way becuase I don't want to be around someone who has treated both me and my husband poorly. However, I am afraid that once he tells her no, she will blame me and then the kids will be upset with me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Do I just shut my mouth and go along with things?

[Sorrowsx]

If in the past this is how your family celebrated holidays your kids may expect it. However, it is the adults who must act like adults and be respectful. If she is willing to be respectful then try it again. If not, then no more. Because it is a bad situation for everyone, including the kids. It is worse for the kids to see the adults treating eachother disrespectfully than for there to be seperate holiday celebrations.

[that_girl]

The children are grown. Don't they "get" this? They spend some time with Mom and then some time with you guys.

I have an ex and we have a kid. Never share holidays and our kid is fine.

[happilymarriedbutnot]

We haven't done this "all go out together" thing in 2 years and the kids have been fine. The oldest and youngest seem to like it better, but the middle child seems to agree with the ex. We would respect her, but if she didn't agree with what we were doing, her respect for us, disappeared and then bad mouthed us. This is why I have a hard time even thinking about going back to the way things were.

I don't think the kids fully uderstand what a divorse is because of the way that things used to be. I want the best for the kids, but how is it the best for them, if they are in a room full of tension?

My parents never divorced so I guess I don't even fully understand what it's like to be a kid with divorced parents, but I have never heard of anyone doing things the way my husband and his ex do.