Parenting Differences - What you think
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Parenting Differences - What you think

I know all of us have different parenting ways, I was just criticize by not only my Mom but some other relatives too, because of the way we (my h and I) have race our kids and just wanted an unbiased opinion. Sorry for the long post but I need to vent and explain.

I had been raced in a family where my parents were not the most communicative or supportive of my brothers and I; me been the only girl, had the worst of it. So, when I grew up and married, I made myself a promise and made my husband promise too, that we would be supportive of the kids and let them be themselves.

We have 2 beautiful girls (15 & 10), that are pretty good and mature for the ages. I really have no problem with them; yes I should be a little more strict with the house chores and other stuff (I never said I was perfect), but in general I have a good relationship with both of them, they talk to me, they share stories with me, they have the confidence to know that they can come to me and say anything without me been angry or critic of the problem, I advice them and guide them but let them learn from their mistakes. I am not blind and/or naive, I know they are stuff they won’t even tell me, especially my D15, but that is what teenagers do, and I hope that when something serious happens she will know I am here for her.

Well, my D15 has a boyfriend that she has been going out with for a couple of years. The kid is very good, his parents are as strict as me, probably more, he is very respectful, and treats her good. My husband and I have no problems with the relationship; they are both in 10th grade and have too much of their lives to life to worry about it. He has the respect and confidence to know he can come to us and ask permission to take her somewhere and we like that. Example, last summer, he asked her to go to the beach with his family, I told her yes, but that she had to ask her Dad, which she did. A few days later, I was driving the kids to the movies (had the car full of them) and mentioned him that her Dad would not let her go until he asked him, the boyfriend actually, pull his cell phone out of the pocket, look for Dad’s # (which he had as a contact), and called him, (in front of all the other kids), and ask him if my daughter could go to the beach with him and his family for the day. I mean he gain a lot of my own respect back, when a 15 year old would do something like that without even blinking.

My Parents, have a problem because he is dark skin, (we are Hispanics, and he is Hispanic too and they are believers that you should progress your race), also that she is too young, she is a girl, etc. The rest of the family is upset because they say she is too young and we should cut the relationship, that they have not let their daughters have any boyfriend until they are older, because too many things can happen, she can get pregnant, and that I broke some sort of family tradition by do it this.. I mean, we are the parents and we are OK with it, why should everybody else care?

When I was that age, I rebel against my parents rules, gave them hell and hide everything I did, (good or bad), from them. They gave me no choice since everything was “Girls do not do that, you cannot do this, I prohibit you to see him or to go this party or that”, and I saw where that took me. I could not talk to my parents let along ask for advice and/or be confident that my problems would not be criticizes or my hopes be broken.

As it stands right now, my house is “Party Central” and “Meeting Central”, and I love it (even when the family thinks I am crazy), the older kids come to me for advice or just to vent about some problem or other, and they feel free to talk about anything around me (even to gossip about each other). They know the rules of our house and when they break them they come and accept their errors and apologize. Even the little ones know what the rules in my house are and follow them.

Are we so wrong and our way of racing the kids? Should we continue what we are doing, give the kids there freedom and set rules and boundaries to help them along the way? Or should we accept that the olders know best and follow their advices?

Sorry for the lenght and any comment would be appreciate it.

Thanks,
Stressmom
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Parenting Differences - What you think

Sounds to me like you're doing a lot of the right things! The fact that your kids and their friends WANT to hang out at your house means that they trust you (or maybe you have good snacks! ) and it means that you are able to keep an eye on their lives to a greater extent. It sounds like you've made the rules clear and the kids follow them and are okay with them.

I don't think that "elders know best" in all cases. If what you're doing is working for you and your daughters, then I would stick with that, let your parents know that you appreciate their input, and leave it at that.
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Old 03-03-2009, 11:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Parenting Differences - What you think



It sounds like you are doing a great job!
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:13 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Parenting Differences - What you think

first of all it's "raising" kids, sorry but it was killing me.

Anyway, I think you are doing it right, don't worry about what others think.

Our kid are 11,9, and 6 and we are the hang out for the "younger" kids in the neighborhood. The Older kids hang out at my Neighbors house who has teens, and they treat them with respect and understand the kids. I know the teenagers can ask them or me anything and we will give them a straight honest answer.

Stick to your guns, you are doing it the rigth way.
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