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My BIL is 40 and his daughter (the cutie in my avatar) will be two soon. He wishes that he had his kids earlier because my BIL feels that he lacks patience with his child.
SA, I would leave a sexless marriage in a heartbeat.
I must say that I am a very proud auntie. I have two blood nieces, one by marriage and one by a close friendship. Buying cute kids clothes and fun toys is a passion of mine. I also love playing with my lil girls and singing silly songs with them.
I am to the point where I love and adore lil babies and kids..........as long as they're someone else's children and I get to go home to a quiet house later on.
I only have one kid, and sometimes, people condemn you as selfish just the same as if you had none. I've had to put up with:
"So, when are you going to have another baby?"
"Won't she be lonely?"
"She's gonna hate you for it later."
"Why don't you want more."
"God wants you to have more."
"Isn't that selfish?"
"Oh, you'll change your mind."
"You must really hate kids then."
Too bad that assault with a blunt object is illegal.
When I worked at the airport, these young women I worked with would always ask me the same inane questions and reply with the same snide comments when they found out that we only wanted one child. (I also noticed that these women (girls, really) had NO kids.
One day, a couple with two boys, ages 4 and 5, came up to check in. These little hellions had to be on cocaine or something, because all thru the check-in, they were hitting each other, running in and out of line, chasing each other, pushing each other down, screaming like banshees and generally being little Damiens. (I wish I videotaped it, to show to these 14-year old girls who desperately want a baby-they'd change their minds in a second!) And of course, the two brainless parents did NOTHING to stop them. I caught a glimpse inside the carry-on, and it was full of M&Ms, Snickers bars, cookies, etc.
No wonder those two acted like that- they had enough sugar in their systems to support the economy of Hawaii!
As they went away, I looked at that girl, and told her: "And you have the nerve to wonder why I only want ONE kid?"
What I hate is when a family has two boys or two girls and people say: "So are you going to start trying for a girl (or boy)?" Like two children of the same sex is not good enough.
My BIL's wife is often harassed by my MIL. She even went to my SIL's mother and said "She should have another one on the way!" What the hell? Maybe they don't want another child!
I am to the point where I love and adore lil babies and kids..........as long as they're someone else's children and I get to go home to a quiet house later on.
It is a blessing to feel this way... I have a friend who would describe her feelings the same.... she loves my kids so much she gets mad at me cause I don't ask her to come over & sit them , which is kinda sweet.
But me... I was very very different.... I didn't want anyone elses, I wanted my own to take home...... I was very very JEALOUS. I have been more jealous over Motherhood (those who had large familes) than any other form of jealousy on this earth.
I wished I didn't go through that.... it sure would have made my life easier for 6 yrs, but It was there....I had to do something with it... so I pursued ... all the tests, the prodding, a surgery even... I probably would have been willing to sell my soul to the Devil...
And there is nothing wrong with that, TG. Keep being happy with your two lovely girls-you do not need to try for a boy just because some idiots might think so.
It's great that you maintain a healthy sex life when you have kids. Many couples could learn from you. I never believed that you didn't have fun in bed with your husband.
I guess another reason I will not have children is I really enjoy my/our life the way it is. When a couple does not have the responsibility of children, they can focus only on each other and themselves as individuals. It is much easier to carve out couple time without children to take care of. Selfish isn't a bad word.
There are couples that are simply too selfish and should not have children however you do not sound like that couple. That is not a bad thing. In fact it is best that children not be brought up in that kind of home.
You and your spouse could still be a big brother and big sister to a child who came from a messed up family. That organization is excellent in my area and fills a serious need in the community to help children see that all families are not like the ones they originally came from. Provide them will serious mentoring and builds positive memories for them and for you.
My BIL is 40 and his daughter (the cutie in my avatar) will be two soon. He wishes that he had his kids earlier because my BIL feels that he lacks patience with his child.
SA, I would leave a sexless marriage in a heartbeat.
I must say that I am a very proud auntie. I have two blood nieces, one by marriage and one by a close friendship. Buying cute kids clothes and fun toys is a passion of mine. I also love playing with my lil girls and singing silly songs with them.
Whenever I ask couples in their 40's who already have kids who are in their early teens or older, if they would wanna do the whole baby thing all over again at this stage in their lives, and their answer is usually............."HELL NO". So that makes us feel better because we are in our 40's and have no kids and decided we're no longer going to pursue having them, and other couples agree that the desire to have kids changes a lot the older you get so we're not alone in how we feel and what we've decided.
We only have one child. We've been trying for a second for a year with no luck. Just like couples with no children get asked, we are constantly asked if we're having anymore, when's the next one coming along. It's great how as said above, people think having one child is selfish, not hard work at all etc. Everyone feels this air of freedom to comment about women and their children, families, breastfeeding etc. It's actually something very private and no woman should feel pressured to answer anything they're not comfortable with.
Personally I love having a child, and strongly disagree that our life has suffered or held us back. It was our choice and the right one for us. Pregnancy and child birth were full on yes, but it was what we wanted so it was a happy occasion for us. I don't judge people who don't have children by choice, and I don't expect anybody to judge me.
Is it selfish to not want to have children? It's a personal choice. If you don't want kids, don't have them because it would just be one more unwanted child in the world. I didn't understand fulfilment until I had my daughter. But people have children for different reasons, and I think unless you plan to love them and care for them, don't have them. Don't have them to keep a marriage together. Don't have them because you're lonely. And if you don't have the desire to have children, then don't have them. Because chances are it doesn't always work out in the end. Sometimes, but bringing innocent children into the world isn't a risk anyone should take.
Just for the record my wife and I do love kids and would never shun the responsibilities involved if we had one or not show them the love that they need & deserve, but at this point we have just decided to move on with life and concentrate on our marriage because it's not in the best of shape right now.
As for my impatient BIL, I know he and his wife did not want children until she became pregnant. I would never dream of pressuring them to have more like my MIL does. The size of their family is none of my concern.
I concur that no child should have to be raised by someone who does not want them. They become disturbed adults.
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Re: Anything wrong with NOT having kids? 
Like two children of the same sex is not good enough.
What the hell? Maybe they don't want another child!
