[Lew]

This is a sad situation. I am 37 my wife is 41. We love each other very much. From the begining my wife felt as she was not accepted by my family. I kept my ears open along the way but did not feel her side was correct. I tried to explain my parent's and sister's point of view in every situation as a matter of keeping everyone happy.


Over time my wife grew resentful for me not standing up for her, many long arguments. Last Xmas my mother made plans w/o talking to my wife and she sent a nasty em to my mother. Everything exploded. I went to see my family an hour away during the holidays to make things better, big mistake. My wife was not happy and repeated the" you put your family first" mantra.


After the holidays the calls from my folks stopped, even though I left things on good terms. After a month they started calling me " caller id unavaialbe" and not leaving a message. Increasingly I got more a more upset. I decided not to return their calls w/o a messsage.


Hindsite 20/20 I realize they pulled off some nasty stunts at the wedding which made my wife very upset, which I never called them on because I wanted everyone to be happy.


I have changed phones because of work. There are no emails to me or calls to my wife since the xmas debacle. Here's the sad part. I am really starting to hate my parents and sister more and more each day. I have always been the black sheep of the family and I know it, accept it as well. Now I feel like my wife is paying the price. I am on her side 100% in everything. She is a good person, responsible, loves pets, gardens, and is a published author.


I am in torment becuase even if I can make things better with my folks I feel I will never respect or what to be part of their lives, as they have shunned my life/wife. Please any input is much needed, Thank you in advance.

[marina72]

Well, you said it all yourself. Your folks did some mean things to your wife, and in the beginning you didn't acknowledge these things, for fear of causing a rift. And then you ended up with a wife who felt neglected and like you weren't going to honer her and back her up, and protect her from being hurt emotionally by your own family. Then when your wife finally has had enough, and lets your Mom know how she feels, which is something you had thus far refused to do, so she took matters into her own hands, your parents get mad and refuse to speak to you, and then start pranking your phone, like middle schoolers.

And you clearly have seen what this has done to your wife, and have started trying to make good on it, which is Great! You're on the right track there. Your wife doesn't sound unreasonable, your parents do however. Who does that anyway? They need to grow up, and treat your wife and you, with some respect. And if they can't, and they can't understand that your wife will Always come first, and that's how it should be, and if they do something that is out of line to upset her, that you'll come to her defense, then you don't need them in your life anyway.

Having said that, I'm not saying you should never speak to them again, but if they are going to make your life this miserable and refuse to treat your wife with respect, then what can you do?
If they have shunned your wife, then they have shunned you. Your wife comes first. That's as it should be. And if they can't accept her, or at least be civil to her, then you might have to have limited contact with them.