[EALR]

SRRRYYY in advance for how long this is!!

My husband and I have been together for almost five years been married for about 8 months and have a two year old together. And though we have had issues with his family and mine. I have my family under control and we see me parents all the time. However his family is nutz.

The week before our wedding my SIL decided to host a party at my place. I was ok with that she was supplying the booze so I figured why not. They ended up taking my hubby to a strip club. Leaving me and my SIL alone. She started telling me how she was jealous. We had a baby first (I had her at 17 she could have won that race!!) We were getting married first and she was older so it should have been her. I shrugged it off. She was just drunk right?

So the wedding arrives and we go to get our hair done. I asked only one thing of my bridemaids wear your hair up. SIL was of course a bridesmaid so she lied to the stylist and said she wasnt in our party and tried to get her hair done the EXACT same way as me. Well my mom thank god told her to put it up nicely and she obliged. I thought that would be the end of it. I was soooo wrong!!

We arrived at my mothers house and were waiting around the table for my mother to run and grab my amazing MIL so she could help put my dress on. SIL says she wants to talk to me. She drags me alone into the hallway and asks me if I would like some and she holds up this little pink can. I was confused and asked her what is was for. She smiled and point to her genitals and said its for your and I quote "Girl parts so you smell as pretty as your trying to look." she said this with a huge grin on her face. I was speechless....never in my entire existence had anyone ever said here want some girl part spray...not only is it rude but its NAAASSSSTTTTYYYY!!! So I said no I don't need any and walked back into the room with the women and ask straight faced if I needed to use girl part spray. I mean if shes offering this on my wedding day then I must reek right? The girls all laughed and asked me if I was nuts and then if I was ok. I said yes went upstairs and cried for about two minutes (I was soo mad at her, because she was jealous she was trying to ruin it for me!) touched up my makeup put on my dress and got married the ceremony was beautiful!! However though I asked the SIL not to bring her baby she did and the poor little thing screamed through the whole ceremony. Throughout my whole ceremony video you can't hear our vows or the minister all you can hear is the baby screaming at the tops of her lungs!

Then SIL ended my reception early cuz she was TIRED and she drove us home. I had left to get changed for five minutes and she had packed up everything without even asking me! She was rude the whole way home made the little tiny crack in my windshield stretch from one end to the other with her outrageous driving (I couldn't drive as I had been drinking).

The next morning my hubby tried to control the situation he called her bf and told him that we needed a few days because of the way she acted explain everything (he did this because he knows how his sister is and figured he could keep her under control until I calmed down). He tweaked. And that is putting it nicely. Since I didn't have an witnesses I was lying and my hubby said it was a douche not a spray (because he knows so much about girl part spray right?) and that I was a lying **** and that he should make sure he's on the right side. Hubby hung up and SIL started sending his messages. Blood is thicker then marriage, we need to talk without HER, I told her she didnt smell three times I drove you everywhere and never once complained blah blah blah. She even called their grandparents and whined at them and they called and I finally lost it. She had tried her best to ruin our day and we were the ones in trouble??? WTH is this preschool?? He then told her to get lost.

He didn't need to hear her side as my family had told him enough (to this day things she did that day are still coming up) she has left us alone kind of but his grandparents won't talk to him, his father ignores him and the rest of his family except for his mother refuses to talk to him. We moved and told his grandparents the number but I guess they lost it twice and blamed him. SIL still to this day will tell anyone who will listen that it is completely normal to offer a feminine spray to people and that she was trying to save my hubby from having to deal with my scent when he took of my garter.

I want to know if we are doing the right thing. She lies, and calls her grandma to tattle on us when things don't go her way it feels like I am in public school getting scolded by the principle for not letting the bully kick my butt. I am at my wits end. I have even thought that marrying my hubby was the wrong thing because his family has disowned him because I will not take abuse from SIL!!! HELP!! How do I deal with this situation! It is keeping me up at night because even though I didn't do anything to her I feel like its my fault!! Please any advice at all would be great!!

[firefairy]

My SIL and I went through some tough times to. After 11 years we are just finally starting to see eye to eye and get a long.
You need to except her for who she is. She is crazy. Maybe a little jealous.. maybe downright rude... but that is who she is. You need to agree to disagree. You will not always see eye to eye with her.
The biggest problem is that the problem with you and your SIL is tearing your husband away from his family. He may be ok with this now, but i'm sure it is eating at him slowly. Having our families in our lives and a part of our childrens lives is important.
All families have drama, fighting, and crazy people! It is what it is! But as crazy as they are, they are your inlaws.
The spray thing.. it is a little odd... no one will ever know her true intention by asking you if you wanted some. Maybe she was trying to be nice because she likes using the stuff or maybe she was trying to hurt your feelings. Maybe you took it the wrong way. I'm sure if she wasn't giving you other issues you would've been able to just laugh it off but because she was being indifferent a few days before you took it offensively.
Everyone is different. Everyone has quirks. Everyone has flaws! You don't need to be BFF with your SIL but you should try to not let the things she does get to you... learn how to just ignore that crazy things she does, so that you can have a casual relationship with her for the sake of your family.
That is just my opinion!!

[lamaga]

All very annoying, yes, but you are giving this woman way too much power over you.

She's crazy and you don't like her. That's it. And that's fine. That's a good reaction to Crazy.

So quit dwelling over the spray and the rest of it. Be civil when you have to, laugh in her face when she says stupid things. As far as her damaging your relationship with H's family, that's H's problem to deal with.

You are giving this woman space in your head rent-free. Dismiss her. She is not worthy of your time.

(If you need to hear it again, though, the feminine spray thing was indeed just bizarre, and very inappropriate.)