[Skate Daddy 9]

This weekend a neighbor told my older brother that my oldest son was the neighborhood drug dealer. My son is no angel but I don’t think he is selling drugs, other than the obvious of talking to my son about the accusation does anyone have a suggestion of what you would do to verify such a strong accusation if it was your kid? Thanks in advance.

[2nd_t!me iz_best]

Originally Posted by Unhappy2011

No advice.

I hate neighborhood gossips.

I hate neighborhood drug dealers

[F-102]

I've told my daughter that I trust her and won't invade her space-as long as she gives me no reason to be suspicious. She knows very well that if I have even the slightest inkling of harmful or illegal behavior, I will tear her room (and the rest of the house) apart like a demolition team looking for answers.

Ten-to-one, this is just a big mouthed/little brained gossip at work, but you'll want to confirm it yourself. Remember Reagan's words:

"Trust-but verify."

[livelaughlovenow]

If it were my kid I would start paying vey close attention. Usually a gossip tells other people not people direct to the situation, because it is gossip. There may be some truth to it, although hard to admit, your son would not tell you the truth. I would look up the signs of it, think hard on any behavior changes, weird me people coming to the house, check cell records...etc. you can also buy a drug test kit at the local pharmacy and get answers right away. This is something I personally in todays world would not take lightly.
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[Gemwas]

I agree with all of the above, but I would tread carefully. It could be totally untrue. There are loads of ways you could get to the truth but have u just asked him?..Likely you wont get a straight answer but you may get other information that explains this accusation.

[Cherry]

Originally Posted by Skate Daddy 9

This weekend a neighbor told my older brother that my oldest son was the neighborhood drug dealer. My son is no angel but I don’t think he is selling drugs, other than the obvious of talking to my son about the accusation does anyone have a suggestion of what you would do to verify such a strong accusation if it was your kid? Thanks in advance.

Can you talk directly with that neighbor first, before you talk to your son, find out where he got his information? I would tread lightly of course, if your neighbor comes back with some solid proof.

If it's verified, I would have a stern talking to with your son and let him know what others are saying. Drug dealing carries some pretty stiff penalties that can cost your son his future. I would find the laws of your state related to drug dealing and print them out and go over them with your son. Ask him if he wants to spend his life growing up in prison or answering to a probation officer for x number of years.

How old is your son? If he's over 18 and you can confirm he is dealing, I would kick him out of my house. That kind of activity can fall back on you if your son is "doing it" out of your home. If he's under 18, I'd impose some strict rules, take away his phone, curfews, etc. Basically keep him under lock and key, because again, that can come back on you, even harder if your child is under 18.

I'm just thinking what I would do.

P.S. My H spent two years in prison for dealing crack cocaine. His brother spent 2 years in prison for having residue of cocaine in a baggy in his car. Another side, the previous owners of our home lost the home to the state when renters manufactured meth inside the home and grew pot in the shed.

[Skate Daddy 9]

Thanks for the advice. Last night I approached the neighbor and it turns out my brother has exaggerated what he said. So my son is probably not a drug dealer but now my brother is pissed at me for approaching the neighbor, I spent the entire evening receiving belittling text about how stupid I am for going to the source and how I had no right to “shoot the messenger”.

[Skate Daddy 9]

Originally Posted by Unhappy2011

Sounds like your brother is a manipulative douche. No offense.

He is a manipulative douche and has been my whole life so no love lost.

[lifeisbetterthanalternat]

The neighbor may have backed down not thinking you would approach him. I may not be comfortable telling YOU about YOUR SON.

There has to be some reason for this. As others have stated Love is blind.

I would investigate like others have stated. Better safe than sorry. I used pot alot when i was young. My parents were clueless for the most part. i think it inhibited my maturity and personal development immensly. Pot is as benign as an occasional glass of wine but to the drunk or the pothead they are problematic. You didn't bust your butt raising your kid all those years to have drugs potentially set him back.

Don't be blind. It is concievable he is at the very least a user.

[F-102]

Good news about your son, but NEVER let your guard down. My D is only 12, but she knows that when it comes to things such as this, I will CLOSELY monitor. Don't take this the wrong way, but as anyone who reads mystery novels or watches crime shows on TV can tell you, it's ALWAYS the one you least suspect.

[specwar]

Originally Posted by Skate Daddy 9

This weekend a neighbor told my older brother that my oldest son was the neighborhood drug dealer. My son is no angel but I don’t think he is selling drugs, other than the obvious of talking to my son about the accusation does anyone have a suggestion of what you would do to verify such a strong accusation if it was your kid? Thanks in advance.

It is my house and that suspician alone would be enough for me to search his entire room. I wouldn't do it in a malicious manner I would just do it. And let him know that he represents your family to the community and you don't want the people he hangs around or his actions hurting your good name. It also wouldn't hurt to tell him that you are doing it out of concern for him.

This action was easier for me because I had always been on the lookout for this type of activity because it is so prevalent in the community. I never apologize for having my kids best interest at heart. At the point they don't like it they will either move out or put up with it.

There are a Looooooooooooooot of parents out there with blinders on. Don't be one of those parents. My child has done some incredibly stupid things even though I was diligent.

There is no perfect formula but at the end of the day when he looks back on the event he will remember that you were looking out for his best interest. Unless of course he is a dirtbag in which case he will probably end up in prison. If he has or is going to go bad you don't want him harming the rest of the family so you need to be informed either way.

[Skate Daddy 9]

The son in question is almost 19 and will be moving out shortly to go to a four year school up north but when he was 13 he was caught smoking pot and so we have been on high alert with him for the past four years. We search his room every six months or so, search his car, wait up for him to come home at night to see if he smells like drugs or alcohol. We know his friends and keep close tabs on them as well. I was never under any fantasy that it could not happen in my house. Thank you for all your comments.