[superstressed]

I would love some feedback on our family's problem. So I will start at the beginning. My husband and I have been together on and off for 15 years, married for 8. We have a 13 year old daughter, a 8 year old son from his previous relationship, and a 6 year old daughter. We got back together when my step son was almost a year old. His mother had left and both of us wanted to make our relationship work. So I became Mommy. I have been the only mother he has ever known. His bio mom has been in and out of the picture and seems fine with not really forming any bond with him. I became the children’s primary care taker for years. Then when bio mom came back in the picture when my son was 5 everything changed.

My husband started feeling guilty for everything. But only with my son. He has severe ADHD and was always getting into trouble. I was always the one dealing with problems talking to the teachers, disgruntled parents, and making amends. He was at a private school, so I started to volunteer for EVERYTHING, so I could have some pull when it came to his bad behavior and not kicking him out. But for everything he did bad my husband had an excuse, someone teased him, the teacher doesn’t like him, he had a bad day, he was at his mom's this week, and the list went on and on. When I punished him (taking a favorite toy, no tv) it would last only until my husband got home. This has been going on for years. He is now 8 and he been kicked out of that school. He has been just as bad at the local public school Even getting suspended for assaulting a teacher (not to terrible , throwing a ball in her face in anger). But punishment doesn’t happen. My son comes home shrugs his shoulders and his dad gives him and excuse for why he did it! I am at my ropes end.

I feel like I can’t do this anymore. I love my husband, and he is good to me, but HATE the father he is to our son. He is good with our youngest but treats our oldest like she is his problem step child. She is his, and a good kid, grades, behavior and has been accepted to an accelerated high school. But when our son is in trouble he picks on her and finds something wrong to punish her. My problem is not my son, I know kids are going to find an easy loop hole and take it, but I don't want to raise a child who has no feeling for other people or respect for others. I recently had my tubes tied. And speaking to my best friend when she asked didn't I want another child, I blurted out yes but never with my husband. We were both shocked I had said it. But it’s how I feel and I am so angry and hurt. Has anyone been through something like this?