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[FONT="Arial"]Im 22 and live with my mum in England.Her bf lives here as well. He is 60 and is hindu. He is full of himself and think he owns the place. He drives me mad
He comes from large family. He is the oldest son in his family, so that makes him the patriarch. So you can imagine he expects him to be obeyed without question. This is where we but heads.
HE EXPECTS THE SAME TREATMENT FROM THAT HE GETS FROM THE FAMILY. He expects me to be his servant. If we are eating dinner he gets served first, I go to shop for him,serve his family tea when they come, clean his room, do his washing and work for free at his estate agency. Im what he calls spoileddefiantbrat.
I know most would I live with them say Im lucky to live with them. My mum is my roommate we are joint tenants. He is not.
HE HAD NO PART IN RAISING ME. I WORK, I PAY THE BILLS, DO THE GROCERIES. MY OWN WASHING AND CLEAN UP MY MESSES.
HE IS LAZY AND PAYS NOTHING TOWARDS THE BILLS.
WEVE ARGUED ABOUT THIS LOADS OF TIMES. HES GIVEN ME BLACK EYES. SLAPPED ME ROUND THE MOUTH. THROWN AWAY VIDEO GAMES, BROKE MY TOYS THAT IM SELLING ON AMAZON. THROWN AWAY CLOTHES. HES MADE MY LIFE HELL AND IVE TOLD MY MUM TO STOP HIM. SHES SAYS DONT WIND HIM UP. IVE TOLD HER YOU WILL STOP HIM OR I WILL MAKE HIS LIFE HELL.
Save your money for an apartment, get on section 8 or something and MOVE OUT!! You don't need to be going through abuse like that nor should your mother... you could also try contacting the police? I don't care what country he is from and I'm not sure of englands laws but I'm pretty sure they don't condone abuse towards spouses and the spouses children...
Ok, Ive left some important info. My mum is in early 50s. Im an only child. I work in Tescos for nearly 40hrs aweek. The house is my name as well. My mum couldnt afford it without me. Im not going into social housing. He is a property developer. Well his family does the developing for him. Im too comfortable where I am. His cousin on the maternal side is in the local police and his kids in the local ones. Theyve been up to the house to see him and gloat about the quality of HIS HOUSE. (NO WAY, MINE) I constantly remind him. Say it to when I walked past my mums room, when he has guests over, on the phone. I tell it to my mum. Im driving them mad with it.
After reading the forum. My posts are actually calm. Might have something to do with the owl fart is hospital with DVT again.
Get a video recorder and keep it running somewhere whenever you're in the same room together. If he's abusive, play it back to your mom; if she still won't do anything, take it to the police who AREN'T his family.
My mum knows what he does. Shes seen the bruises. So when they bring him back home he will not be comfortable for long. TV is his room, living room and kitchen will all be going to charity shop. As will the kitchen table, computer chair and the suite. Ill be enlisting my step cousins in this as they he annoys more than they do me. I dont have a car. If they try to bring in replacements for everything then the door will be locked and stay locked. Im prepared for the fall out for when his entire family start moaning. They convinced him to move in here because he drives them mad.
He is a poweful man. Meaning his family in the force are buddies with people high up the chain of command. young family have parents and friends of their parents in force as well, council. Some of them are solicitors. Theyll argue hes too weak to do it. Im 6'3 and stronger than him. Hes 60, fat, bossy, 5'7, stronger than he looks but it will be twisted round to make him look Im the aggressor.
So Ill do everything Ive done. I need to fb the stepcousins who arent cops and get their help to get rid of my stuff. When he moves back, I will take upon myself to be his butler. Itll be hard but when hes in bed recovering from his precious leg. Hell be left alone with me. I will control what he wants, where hes goes, when he sleeps and what he does. He will do as he is told coz Im the spoiledefiantbrat.
You're 22. A 60 year old man hits you and you take it? Knock the dog piss out of him the next time this geezer punches you. If that's the way he communicates, you owe him a little feedback so he knows his message was received correctly. Test just how strong his denture cream is. Surely even in England people have the right to defend themselves. I'd take a misdemeanor assault charge before I'd consent to be someone's punching bag.
That house you're attached to is your coffin. You have no life. You are worse than dead. So, it's yours. It would still be yours if you move out. Let them deal with the cleaning and shopping and cooking. You can room with a friend or get a room somewhere.
It sounds like you will outlast him.
So whatever, you want to have a life when he does go.
If you just have a room somewhere your life will be so much happier. You can be right and try to hold your ground but he is enjoying it because abusers enjoy what they are doing. He has been playing this game probably 40 years longer than you have been alive. He is good at it. Escape = life. Stay = living dead.
Can't you go to university or something?
You sound capable. Capable people generally are the types that abusers target. Because capable people pride themselves on their ability to maintain standards and to be right and to do do do do do to prove themselves. The only thing you are proving is that you are getting exhausted and he is living pretty darn well. You will manage to catch up and he will change the game. Getting sick suits him I am sure, nobody could stress out someone who has DVT, because it would be negligent homicide. He knows this. He is probably neglecting his health because it gives him more control. I know the type, was involved with one. Oh, eventually he will die, for sure, and if you are there, you can be sure you will be blamed for it. So get out and stay away from him before you end up with a heap of legal problems and his family suing you for negligence.
Nope. Im a nice man. Well I like to think I am. Evilness isnt what I want
You have the sensible advice. Your right I should start looking for somewhere else to live Im willing to go for it. I have to wait until October before the tenancy need signing again. Ive lived here for years, 2 years as tenant. I can go to university dont wanna go here because of the fees.
Control is one thing he wont have as much of and he go mad without it. :smthumbup. My stepcousins when he went to visit conveniently avoided him whenever he came. My mum can do all the looking after him. It will drive listening to him moan. So that will probaly make her dump him on his family or terminate the relationship and come to her senses.
I agree with everyone else who says you should move.
Secondly, you can file charges. Remember, arrests and prosecutions are based on EVIDENCE. So if the police come and everyone is arguing, perhaps they will do nothing. However, if he hits you, have multiple photographs done (keep the negatives in a separate place) then file a complaint.
In New York, an aide to the governor hit his girlfriend. She documented what happened, and when he tried to use his political contacts, he lost his job, and the governor got in trouble. The secret is compiling strong evidence, since domestic violence complaints are sometimes exaggerated or even falsified.