Dealing With Angry Ex-wife...re: kids
Background: H was married for 24 years. unhappy for the last 15. Left his wife, she was blindsided. She is very, very bitter.
He and I got together two years after their divorce, I played no role in their divorce.
He has teenagers -- gets them 2 weekends a month. I have embraced them -- I have no parenting role, nor should I, but I always accompany him to their concerts, games, etc -- he wants me there, and I like supporting the kids. She usually does not attend these functions, but when she does, and sees me, she goes ballistic.
And she takes it out on the kids. At home.
I don't know what to do -- if I stop going with him, he feels unsupported, and honestly, I like to go -- I like my stepkids. But when I go, the kids get a blistering earful at home about my presence. And one time, after their birthday, when I sent some homemade birthday cake home with them, she threw a fit and, well, it was ugly.
She and I have never met in person, btw. I cannot control what she does, and I am trying hard to understand how difficult this must be for her. No judgment there, but I do fault her for pulling the kids into it.
Any advice, either from divorced moms who've had to deal with the new wife, or from someone in the same boat? I understand that she's bitter, I do. But I wish she would leave the kids out of it.