I would like to understand the tendency for in laws to be critical and/or very nosy.
My MIL openly resents the way her sons treat their wives. She gets very angry when my husband gives me a gift and the same goes for my BIL's wife. She makes snide remarks about my clothing. ("Look at those heels! She has to have new outfit every day!") My weight has been insulted in front of others by the old meanie. Her sons stand up for their wives, so my MIL constantly says she wishes she never had kids.
I try to be respectful because she raised a nice man for me, but it is very hard when my MIL likes to make nasty comments. The latest is that I am "lazy" because I choose to focus on school without having a job. I don't think that lazy people seek higher education and better careers, but perhaps I am wrong.
I get along very well with my BIL's wife. She's a lovely and kind woman-one hell of a mother too!
In my MIL's eyes, my sis-in-law can do nothing right. My MIL has rude words for the way her granddaughter is being raised. This is only because my BIL and his wife do not raise their daughter like my MIL raised her sons. Times have changed! The old woman is openly hostile to my sis-in-law and it sickens me.
It seems like a lot of jealousy. When our husband's bought new cars, my mother-in-law clucked about how she's never had a new vehicle. When my husband and I went to visit, (They live far away. Thank God!) my MIL pouted when people complimented my wedding ring set. She immediately went to put her own set on THAT SHE NEVER WEARS and said: "My sons have to buy their wives big rings! That's the kind of women they are!" So what if our diamonds are larger than hers? Does that mean we forced our husbands to purchase them??
My mother and I have a very distant and civil relationship. Although my mother wants us to be best friends, I don't feel emotionally safe with the woman who raised me with brutality and sexism. One of the reasons we don't get along is my mother's matriarchal attitude type. My mom only likes people who kiss her @ss and do whatever she wants at all times. If anyone dares to question her, she cries disrespect. She asks too many personal questions and tries to run my home with her outdated servile nonsense. My husband cannot stand her because she is just too controlling and given to throwing loud and humiliating tantrums. What makes me laugh is that my mom complains that her adult kids think she's a b!tch-I wonder why?
I rarely visit or call.
I know that TAM members don't live in the minds of the aforementioned MIL's. I was just wondering if anyone could offer insight as to what drives mothers to be ornery busybodies. Perhaps they feel displaced by the new spouses or they feel unneeded?