[BrittyBea36]

Hi. This is my 1st post so I hope it's in the right place! If not, a mod can feel free to move it to the right place! I have A LOT to say so I apologize for the length but I REALLY have to talk to someone about this.

A little background: I am a 27-year-old married mother of 2 very crazy but awesome kids! My husband and I have been married for 9 years (June 1, 2003) and our kids are ages 7 (girl) and 4 1/2 (boy). We lived on our own for all of 6 months when we 1st got married. We were idiots and lost the house and have been living with my in-laws ever since. Yes....we have been living with my in-laws for 8 1/2 years of our marriage. Crazy? Yes. But we honestly had no other option.

Ok. Here I go. My MIL used to be the most AWESOME person. She had good morals, values, intentions...she was just awesome. When we had our daughter in '05, she was seriously the best grandmother imaginable. She would watch our daughter so that we could go on date nights, vacations, runs to the grocery store, etc. She would love on her every chance she got. She seemed happy that the hubby and I were living with them. She never went out of her way to make us feel unwelcome. Then back around, oh I say...2009, she started acting completely different. She started drinking again and trying to "act young". By this I mean going to heavy metal and rock concerts, flirting with men (she's married), and also becoming OBSESSED with a friend of my husband's that lives in the neighborhood. She became obsessed to the point of thinking that just because he drove by the house that he was looking for her.....he has to drive by our home to get to his!!

Skipping down the timeline...: My husband went through Firefighter training and EMT training and decided that he wanted to be an RN. He quit firefighting and went back to school and got accepted into RN his 1st time around. During this time in school, she started to act different toward us. My husband even had a "setback" in school and had to drop out a semester. She seemed EXTREMELY happy that he had lost a semester. She was overly giddy about it! My MIL likes to start drama. As much as humanly possible!! She even started a HUGE fight one night about 7 months ago about how she felt that the hubby and I were acting like we were better than her bc we were in "Collllllllllege" Yes...that is how she said it. Like an 8-year-old! Anywho...my husband graduated from RN school back in December and has an awesome job in an ER. He loves nursing and I am so proud of him. He went from being a druggie (right before I met him), to getting his GED, and is now an RN! How could I NOT be proud! He is also the 1st in his family to ever graduate college!!

We are having a house built in a neighborhood closer to his work and his mother in actually jealous of us. It's like she wants us to fail. She gets extremely happy if something bad happens to us but is a ***** when our life gets better. Like tonight, my husband showed her pictures of the progress of our home (we close in 30 days) and she got PISSED off!!

I would be extremely happy if my children's lives were going in the right direction. She acts like we are the devil!! She is just soooo jealous of everything that happens to us. We pay rent, utilities, everything! So it's not like we're skimping. We recently got a new car...she actually fussed about the color of the car. Are you kidding me? We got a blue car and she said we were "trying to be flashy". We don't have a house of our own right now so we are having to buy furniture for our home that's being built and she's mad that we are buying new furniture and not keeping our current furniture. What furniture!!??! Her words were "not everybody that moves to a new home buys new furniture" Seriously? If we had our own furniture then we wouldn't be buying new stuff!! Ugh....I am just so sick of it! What I have written here doesn't even come close to all the crap she has said and put us through the past 3 years!!

She is sooo negative and all she does is try to start arguments. She won't even watch one of our kids if the other is really sick and needs to see a dr. I asked her to watch my son bc my daughter had pink eye and needed to see a dr. Within 5 minutes of us leaving the house, she called my husband AT WORK and asked him to come home bc she didn't want to watch my son!!!

My husband has already "written her off". She is not the mother she used to be. She hasn't even gotten him a birthday card in 2 years. She doesn't even say happy birthday, happy father's day, happy anniversary....NOTHING.

The end of the next 30 days CANNOT come fast enough!!

Ha! Thanks for listening!

[PBear]

Sounds like your MIL is one of those people that needs other people to need them, so she can take care of them. So as you become less reliant on you, she's lashing out, and doing the best she can to keep you where she wants you. Cook up co-dependent relationships.

My advice... Grin and bear it for the next 30 days. Stop telling her when things are happening accord to plan. And keep in mind that once you move out, you likely won't have her around to depend on for babysitting and stuff anyway, so get used to supporting yourself anyway. And ignore her toxic behavior in her marriage; that's for her husband to deal with.

C
Posted via Mobile Device

[BrittyBea36]

Originally Posted by PBear

Sounds like your MIL is one of those people that needs other people to need them, so she can take care of them. So as you become less reliant on you, she's lashing out, and doing the best she can to keep you where she wants you. Cook up co-dependent relationships.

My advice... Grin and bear it for the next 30 days. Stop telling her when things are happening accord to plan. And keep in mind that once you move out, you likely won't have her around to depend on for babysitting and stuff anyway, so get used to supporting yourself anyway. And ignore her toxic behavior in her marriage; that's for her husband to deal with.

C
Posted via Mobile Device

Thank you so much! That's pretty much what my husband thinks too. But what she doesn't realize is that she is pushing us further away and making us not to even want our kids around her! She really is a "troubled" woman. 2 1/2 years ago she tried to commit suicide and ever since we haven't felt comfortable with her watching the kids. So we've only asked her to watch them if it's an emergency! Don't get me wrong. We take suicide very seriously but she did it because she got caught by my FIL on the way she felt about my husband's friend and it was causing problems in their marriage. She also lied her butt off about some comments that my husband NEVER said.

But you know, she may think that we need her to take care of us but whenever we try to rely on her for something she acts like we are a burden and that we are "using" her. I don't get her at all! She even started an argument last night over Chinese food. Yes...Chinese food. We had bought some takeout and got a free entree for spending a certain amount. We didn't want the extra entree so we took it (and the extra order of rice) upstairs to their fridge, thinking that someone would want it. Yeah.....she complained that "it wasn't enough for 3 people to eat (her, FIL, and SIL) and they were trying to figure out how to split it between 3 people...in a VERY smart ass tone! Ugh...30 days, 30 days, 30 days!!!

[FirstYearDown]

My MIL is very jealous as well. She gets angry and rude whenever her sons give gifts to their wives or act very loving to us. My MIL is horrible to my SIL; very critical and unfriendly. I try to remember that my MIL did not receive the love and attention she wanted from my FIL. The poor old lady didn't have much and it kills her to see her DIL's get what she desperately wanted. I know it is hard, but we can try to have compassion for these women who are obviously green with jealousy.

On the flip side, my husband's mother can be very thoughtful and supportive. Not a birthday goes by without her sending me a card with a little bit of cash. It isn't about the money, it's about the acknowledgement. My MIL also threw a party for my husband and I after we eloped, even though our decision upset her greatly. I will never forget the kindness of that gesture.

I love my husband and it makes him happy that my MIL likes me a lot. I think we get along because I realize that I am dealing with a traditional matriarch. Even though it kills me, I keep my mouth shut when my MIL makes nasty comments and I don't argue with her. It is the way I was raised to deal with those who are old enough to be my parents-with deferential politeness. I have a mouth on me and if I told my MIL what I was thinking sometimes, it would cause a huge rift which would greatly upset my husband. So I tolerate my MIL because I have so much love for my hubby.

Despite their flaws, our MIL's raised good men for us. I completely understand how you just want to throttle yours-I have b!tch slapped my MIL in my dreams for some of the crap she has given her son's wives. When you try to feel bad for someone who is so hateful, it gets easier. Find someone in your life that you can giggle about her with and feel proud that you are being more mature than your MIL. *hugs*

[specwar]

Your overanalyzing this.

She has been in your business for years. You are like children to her. She is going to miss you when you move into your new home. She is stressed about the changes that are coming. And she will be lonely without people to (keep track of). Lots of moms do this. Many do not know how to voice their anxiety over it so it comes out as nosy jelousy and not being able to say a kind word about anything. Once your are out it will level off and she will relax a little once she sees that you are still going to be in touch.

Is it rational for her to be mad or jelous about a new car? No, so unless she is mentally unstable it is about something else.

It may also be that she doesn't think your family has clearly defined goals which is what landed you in their house in the first place. The only thing that will fix that is time.

[Mrs.K]

It sounds like she NEEDS you guys to need her and she is really going to miss you when you go. Yeah, I know. It is a funny way of showing it!

I hope she calms a bit after you guys move!