The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
It all started when he was little. I would go to my parents house and they had a sh1t load of bugs swarming around the light right next to the front door. He would see my reaction to the bugs and became afraid. My reactions was to squeal (a little) and run inside. It was a variety of different bugs flying around head level and I just didn't want them on me. I'm not afraid of bugs.
Add to that that bugs occasionally freak me out, my son responded to all of this with a fear of his own of spiders. My father tells me that I am afraid of bugs. sigh. I am not. I don't like bugs in my space when not invited. Period. Bugs crawl anywhere they please if you let them so they sometimes make me uncomfortable. I can and have held bugs before. I've gone into my backyard as a kid looking for grubs like on The Lion King. I've held bugs recently to show my son there is nothing to be afraid of. AND AND I've had a pet tarantula before. I used to let my tarantula (Mexican Red Knee) walk all over my hands and arms.
If there's a frick'n bug to be afraid of it's one that can shoot fiery hairs from it's butt (like Tarantulas). Yeesh!!
Anywho now I am not sure how to handle my son's fear of spiders. In the past we handled fears of his by not allowing him to run from it but face it, little by little. After time he would conquer his fears. But this isn't working for spiders. He has about 1 spider related nightmare a week minimum and I'd really like to nip this in the butt if possible. Anyone have any ideas?
Assuming he's pretty young, I wouldn't worry about it. Kids seem to go through stages of being scared of one thing or another, and get over it when they're ready to.
But I don't see it as being that big of a deal even if he's not that young. I'm nearly fifty, and snakes still give me the willies.
It all started when he was little. I would go to my parents house and they had a sh1t load of bugs swarming around the light right next to the front door. He would see my reaction to the bugs and became afraid. My reactions was to squeal (a little) and run inside. It was a variety of different bugs flying around head level and I just didn't want them on me. I'm not afraid of bugs.
Add to that that bugs occasionally freak me out, my son responded to all of this with a fear of his own of spiders. My father tells me that I am afraid of bugs. sigh. I am not. I don't like bugs in my space when not invited. Period. Bugs crawl anywhere they please if you let them so they sometimes make me uncomfortable. I can and have held bugs before. I've gone into my backyard as a kid looking for grubs like on The Lion King. I've held bugs recently to show my son there is nothing to be afraid of. AND AND I've had a pet tarantula before. I used to let my tarantula (Mexican Red Knee) walk all over my hands and arms.
If there's a frick'n bug to be afraid of it's one that can shoot fiery hairs from it's butt (like Tarantulas). Yeesh!!
Anywho now I am not sure how to handle my son's fear of spiders. In the past we handled fears of his by not allowing him to run from it but face it, little by little. After time he would conquer his fears. But this isn't working for spiders. He has about 1 spider related nightmare a week minimum and I'd really like to nip this in the butt if possible. Anyone have any ideas?
One thing you could do is stop squealing around bugs yourself since he seems to follow your lead.. lol. No need to pressure him to face or confront his fears without first facing and confronting your own... "Uncomfortableness" around bugs.. lol. I mean.. he obviously followed your lead with being squeamish around certain bugs soooo perhaps he will follow your lead to get out of that habit.. or he may just get out of it on his own. Heck.. even if he doesn't.. it's no big deal. My SO is afraid of spiders AND snakes... yet I think both are cute and gorgeous. Whatever happens.. it'll just be part of his character.. and there isn't anything to be worried about with that.. lol. To bad my son isn't afraid of bugs... one day he brought a giant roach up to me and said.. "SEE!!!" The dang thing was alive and squirming in his hand!! Of course.. I screamed and told him to drop the icky thing... he looked at me like i was crazy at first .. then threw it on the ground and STEPPED ON IT BARE FOOTED!!
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
To bad my son isn't afraid of bugs... one day he brought a giant roach up to me and said.. "SEE!!!" The dang thing was alive and squirming in his hand!! Of course.. I screamed and told him to drop the icky thing... he looked at me like i was crazy at first .. then threw it on the ground and STEPPED ON IT BARE FOOTED!!
Oh, that made me laugh!!
But I think you're right about kids often taking cues from their parents. They react differently to "look, how cool, a spider!" than "ew, a spider, run!"
I just vacuumed and noticed that I have about three spiders living in corners in my house right now, all near the back door and French doors near the deck. I get them every summer and chose to leave them be since that's where the bugs and mosquitoes are likely to come into the house. As long as I don't have to see them much, I'm ok with them doing their thing. Maybe you could find a web and show him how pretty it is and how the spider mostly just sits there waiting for bugs and repairing its web.
Hmmm... we girls never liked spiders when we were growing up. It wasn't a fear, we just would squish them if we saw them. Daddy long legs, excluded tho. I hate spiders now. I am not paralyzed in fear of them, but if they invade my space, they die. The last few months we have had a slew of wolf spiders in the house. I told my husband that if they keep coming, they can have the house, I'm moving! LOL
However, my SISTER... she is deathly afraid of them. If even the tiniest spider is on her desk, she freezes. Someone else has to come in to kill it for her. AND, if it crawls away... she panics.
We had the same upbringing, the same exposure... it's just something inside HER that has elicited that response to those 8 legged freaks. No, neither of us saw that movie, but we DID see Arachnophobia when we were kids. Both (well, all three of us) hate spiders, but she got it worst of all.
I would say don't show your fear, or PERCEIVED fear, around him. Try to teach a healthy respect for spiders and SOME insects. Good luck!
My son is terrified of bees. When he was about 6-7 yrs old it was the worst ever, because he was in baseball. He would totally freak out while playing, and he missed a lot of catches and was almost hit in the face a couple of times by the flying balls. He still hasn't outgrown the fear and the only thing I can associate it with was when he started his Concerta (for ADHD) he had started hallucinating about them being in his room and crawling all over him while he was in bed. Ever since that one incident, he's never gotten over it.
One thing you could do is stop squealing around bugs yourself since he seems to follow your lead.. lol. No need to pressure him to face or confront his fears without first facing and confronting your own... "Uncomfortableness" around bugs.. lol. I mean.. he obviously followed your lead with being squeamish around certain bugs soooo perhaps he will follow your lead to get out of that habit.. or he may just get out of it on his own. Heck.. even if he doesn't.. it's no big deal. My SO is afraid of spiders AND snakes... yet I think both are cute and gorgeous. Whatever happens.. it'll just be part of his character.. and there isn't anything to be worried about with that.. lol. To bad my son isn't afraid of bugs... one day he brought a giant roach up to me and said.. "SEE!!!" The dang thing was alive and squirming in his hand!! Of course.. I screamed and told him to drop the icky thing... he looked at me like i was crazy at first .. then threw it on the ground and STEPPED ON IT BARE FOOTED!!
Gaia girl I am not afraid of bugs. Your post did make me lol though. I pictured the whole scene of you and your son. lol
But seriously I'm not afraid of bugs but who would want one crawling around in their hair? Or down their shirt? I just try to get away.
Have you ever had a tarantula crawl up your arm or it's foot on your hand? Their feet have little hooks on the bottom that help them latch on to things when they walk. And you can feel the hooks coming out of your skin when they pull their leg up. I'm serious. If I was afraid of bugs I doubt I would ever let a tarantula that close to me.
There were some great suggestions here. I think I'll try to work on my reaction to bugs and try to teach my son more about them. I'm going to find a good book for him on spiders and see what movie I can find that'll be good for him. It's funny though he LOVES spiderman.
I got nothing, I hate spiders, hate them, dont matter how big or small I dont want them around me. I remember going to the movie theater with dread to see "the return of the king". I had read all the books before, but I knew what was coming. When shelob popped frodo and picked him up and started wrapping him up, I almost puked in the theater. lol
Gaia girl I am not afraid of bugs. Your post did make me lol though. I pictured the whole scene of you and your son. lol
But seriously I'm not afraid of bugs but who would want one crawling around in their hair? Or down their shirt? I just try to get away.
Have you ever had a tarantula crawl up your arm or it's foot on your hand? Their feet have little hooks on the bottom that help them latch on to things when they walk. And you can feel the hooks coming out of your skin when they pull their leg up. I'm serious. If I was afraid of bugs I doubt I would ever let a tarantula that close to me.
There were some great suggestions here. I think I'll try to work on my reaction to bugs and try to teach my son more about them. I'm going to find a good book for him on spiders and see what movie I can find that'll be good for him. It's funny though he LOVES spiderman.
You missed where i said "Uncomfortableness" around bugs? lol and yes I've had spiders crawl up and down my arm Love. I for one .. have no problem admitting that there are just CERTAIN bugs out there that give me the heeby jeebies... lol and although spiders aren't one of them... Roaches and ticks are. Hell.. I'm afraid of mice... MICE... but have no problem handling and talking to a snake! How old is your son btw? The charlottes web is a pretty good idea.. and if he's old enough...... I've always found eight legged freaks to be pretty funny lol.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
This reminds me... earlier today my daughter came running into the room screaming... I asked her whats the matter.. she says... "LOOK LOOK LOOK EWWWY!!!!" Sooo I go look and there's a big effing roach by the front door... funny thing is.. it was on it's back like it was dieing... I squished it for her and threw it in the toilet buuut was secretly thinking to myself that I'm glad I sprayed that year round protection poison... lmao
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
My son has generalized anxiety that feeds off of anyone else's anxiety. He's been afraid of spiders, bees, bugs in general, thunderstorms (which I love), and many other things. He's gotten over some of the fears or at least learned how to cope with them better. He's become more desensitized to spiders over the last 3 years (so have I, for that matter!) because there are a ton of them around our house. He still won't deal with one, though. He comes to me for that.
One thing he isn't afraid of is snakes. When he was 3-4 years old, we used to frequent a nature center at a state park. The guy who worked there got so used to us that he started to wait for us to get there so we could hold the snakes while he cleaned out their terrariums. Since his first memories of snakes are positive ones, he never developed any fear of them, although he does have a healthy respect for them.
I wish I'd exposed him to a lot more back then. Exposure as therapy for fears after they've already rooted can be pretty traumatic and difficult for all involved, but if it's handled well, I think it can work.
I wish I'd exposed him to a lot more back then. Exposure as therapy for fears after they've already rooted can be pretty traumatic and difficult for all involved, but if it's handled well, I think it can work.
While I agree that it might be a phase, I think holding them and teaching your son about spiders is a good way to get him out of it. My parents enabled my fear of the dark and I've developed a phobia. A little exposure therapy here and there isn't going to hurt him. If you see his fear progressing, then maybe you could look into exposure therapy with a professional.
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Afraid Of Spiders 
lol though. I pictured the whole scene of you and your son. lol 
