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My response... No I would never choose my kid's life partner, bfs, ect. In my opinion.. all I can do is teach them good values and morals but ultimately.. I would let them make their own mistakes and learn lessons about love through their own experiences.
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"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Especially if they are 18... they are out of the nest then and on their own... I will wish them good luck though and be there for them when they need me.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
No way, not a chance. When I first chose to marry my husband, my mom was very upset. She tried to get my best friend at the time, who happened to be male, to say he wanted me to stay, because he wanted to go out with me. She was THAT desperate! He told me about it, and I confronted her. I told her that she can't do that, she can't choose who I marry, etc. He's not perfect, but he is perfect for me.
Now, I can honestly say, I wouldn't think of picking my children's boyfriends/girlfriends. I will guide them, of course. But the choice, ultimately, is theirs.
of course we could pick better partners for our kids than they can . we have the benefit of experience , analytical thinking , and no boy using every bit of charm , flattery , cuteness , and lies in his arsenal . we also do not have teen hormones .
our parents could have made better choices for us as well .
we all have to live our own lives , and make our own choices , and our own mistakes . your daughter included . you do not have to accept her wrong choices or decisions , but as a parent it is your job to tell her when you think she is making a mistake , doing wrong , or taking the hard road , and how to fix these problems . then it is your job to let her make her mistakes , do the wrong things , and take that hard road . then be there for her after .
If you asked this question on a South Asian message board, the responses would be vastly different.
My mother has tried to pick partners for me and one of my brothers. She chose these morons based on the fact that they had the same cultural background. My brother actually dated the chosen woman and they had a one-sided, emotionally abusive relationship for about three years. I refused to date the man she chose for me because I did not want to be a stepmother and he just wanted to find someone to help him with immigration. No thanks!
This thread reminds me of a story my dad tells - when he was a kid, his dad would make comments that it "would be okay if you grew up and married Jenny." Jenny was his second cousin. Weird.
I know that there are cultures that do not value romantic love. I sometimes think we value it TOO much here. But I couldn't begin to try and contemplate what would make my daughter happy for the rest of her life.
As a parent, do you think you could make a better choice of life partener than they could?
My 18 yo daughter has this idea that if we chose her a boyfriend, he would be old, fat & ugly. Nothing could be further from the truth. At the moment this daughter is going out with a school drop out, unemployed, 20 year old loser with no ambition. Great choice! (We don't tell her anymore how we feel about him because it makes her defensive of the boy).
Or.. would you let your parents choose someone for you to date? My mother actually introduced my husband & I when I was my daughter's age because I told her I was lonely. We clicked from the start
No, I wouldn't chose my son's girlfriends/wives. I can't possibly put myself into their minds or hearts or bodies, and chose a partner who I know they will love and stay with.
It's one thing to give your opinion - and if you can do this in a non-judgemental manner i.e. NOT saying "he's a loser with no ambition" then by all means do so. You could do this by helping your daughter to picture her future i.e. if she's going to college, is she going in your town, or is she going out of town, and either way, what role does she see her bf having in her life, and in her future career, and what is his career plan? There is nothing wrong with saying any of this, and it would be remiss to not talk to her in these terms. But for choosing? No. That doesn't work imo.
The reason why parents are more qualified to choose is due to experience and past mistakes. Only youngsters need to have those experiences too. Or they'll never grow up.
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Re: Choosing kid's partener 
