The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
We are taking a road trip to see my in laws next month. My husband and I have decided to stay with his brother.
The first time we visited, we stayed at my MIL's house. I will never stay there again as long as she is alive. I did NOT feel comfortable because my MIL complained about everything. She got very angry when my husband and I took a nap together, after a 16 hour drive. My MIL called me fat in front of a bunch of people and proceeded to nag me every time she saw me eat. I want to enjoy my time with my BIL, his wife and our niece.
So my husband told my MIL that we are staying with his brother. For some reason, my MIL is pretending we did not tell her that and she is babbling about preparing the extra bedroom for us. I don't know if this is a controlling tactic or my MIL really did not understand that we were staying with her other son. My SIL thinks we should just stay with my MIL and visit them during the day-I was warned that staying with them would cause a rift.
My husband says he will tell his mother once again where we are staying. I don't want to cause a fight...do you think we should just stay with my MIL and be uncomfortable or do what we originally planned?
If she gets upset, I think you and her should sit down for a cuppa, and just say calmly, here are the things that upset me the last time I stayed here. I'm sure you meant well, but I would prefer to stay elsewhere.
I agree that I have the right to my feelings. My MIL is a very unbalanced and hateful person-calm and rational discussions don't work with her. The last time she insulted me, my husband tried to talk to his mother about her comments. Her response was "I WISH I NEVER HAD KIDS!"
I agree that I have the right to my feelings. My MIL is a very unbalanced and hateful person-calm and rational discussions don't work with her. The last time she insulted me, my husband tried to talk to his mother about her comments. Her response was "I WISH I NEVER HAD KIDS!"
Sounds like this could be made into some sort of sitcom...
I feel sorry for her. I realize she has had some major losses in her life. She is alone, lonely, and bitter.
Years ago, she got out of hand with me. My husband told her she was out of line and we left. Just recently she came to our house, but then I realized the worst thing to do is to avoid her. I decided to stand my ground. My husband assured me that if she got out of line he'd ask her to leave. I will not get into a war with her. If i can put differences aside for my husband, she can do the same for her son. If she can't, it's her loss.
So, IMO you belong at your husbands side and it's his duty to stand up for you.
I appreciate the way my husband handles any disagreements with his mother. He is always respectful when he has to ask his mother to be respectful to me. My BIL is not so diplomatic, but he and his wife also receive a lot more angry tirades and put downs from my MIL because they live very close to her. I only have to deal with my MIL in person once a year or less. Because of the distance, too much interaction is packed into five or six days.
We will stay with my BIL. I don't need the constant negativity and it will be great to wake up to my niece and SIL. I feel sad for my MIL because she lacks the awareness to see how her actions push loved ones away.
Dear Lord. My SIL has begged us to stay with my MIL. Poor woman does not want to be blamed and screamed at for our choice to stay with her instead of my MIL. I am saddened by the way my SIL feels like she has to tip-toe around my MIL's volatile moods. My SIL reminded me that we can return to our province, but she has to live with my MIL's presence all the time.
To MIL's house we go. My husband has agreed to make sure that we always have something to do each day, so that we won't have to spend too much time with my MIL. I know that we will be at my BIL's place a lot since we want to spend time with our little niece and they have told us to come over as much as possible.
Sometimes my MIL is incredibly kind and thoughtful...that's why when she is mean or critical, it is like a slap in the face because it is so unexpected. I think the woman really needs counseling and perhaps medication.
I would just have your husband tell MIL straight up "Thank you so much for the kind offer but we are going to stay with SIL. We can't wait to see you. Love you. Bye."
If you stay with your mil she won. She knows you said you were staying with sil before but she doesn't care. If she gets away with thus, think ifs what else she plans on getting away with while you're there. Can you afford a hotel? Or at least have some money gut ond if it's to much to bear at mil's house.
I want to stay in a hotel, but my husband feels that his mother would be very offended if we did so. We are spending a week in the house of undiagnosed mental illness. I am drawing upon my compassion and I am very conscious of the fact that my MIL only sees her son once a year at most, because of the distance. I also know that my amiable FIL would like his favorite son to spend a trip with them.
Critical in-laws are best far away. The only problem is that when there are visits, too much contact is squeezed into a few days. I love Jellybeans suggestion; I just know that my MIL is not a rational person.
Maybe I sound like a horrible DIL and I realize that I should be grateful that my MIL raised her son to be a nice man. I just don't appreciate undeserved insults and rants about my SIL who is a good friend of mine. I only tolerate my MIL's nonsense because she is my husband's mother.
9Likes
Huh??? 
I don't know if this is a controlling tactic or my MIL really did not understand that we were staying with her other son. My SIL thinks we should just stay with my MIL and visit them during the day-I was warned that staying with them would cause a rift. 
Re: Huh??? 
My husband has agreed to make sure that we always have something to do each day, so that we won't have to spend too much time with my MIL. I know that we will be at my BIL's place a lot since we want to spend time with our little niece and they have told us to come over as much as possible.
