07-16-2012, 05:10 AM
Join Date: Jun 2012
| | Re: Am I wrong to say I can't cope with my sister in law
No you're not a bad person. One of the worse things about our biological workings is that we can't help ourselves in deciding who we fall in love with.
In this case you seem to be totally ok with your wife except for this problem, that is not in her herself, but is connected to her sister.
No matter what many therapists like to tell us (while they go about doing the opposite in their private lives) when you marry someone you get a package. You get the wife and her family. It is extremely hard to cut the family out of it. It's apparently much easier to have a man cut ties with his nuts family than get a woman to do the same (not going into the reasons why that is right now).
You have talked to your wife and the answer must have been something along the lines of "how can you ask me to let go of my sister just like that?". It is to be expected.
But if you are in a situation that it may be a deal breaker for you, there is a need to tell your wife that. If you can't live with this she has some hard choices to do too.
In your case, the situation actually gets complicated by the lack of kids. If kids were in the picture she would have to choose between you and the kids and her loony sister. Right now its between you and the sister and it will strain your mutual love to the point that she may choose her sister.
It boils down to how strong do you think her love for you is. And another thing you must consider, is, that if she in fact thinks that helping her sister is more important than your marriage, you are always going to be 2nd. Can you live with that?
On a side note. You are demonstrating some signs of being a "Nice Guy", worrying about being a bad person and all. Did you sign somewhere that you were a missionary or some sort of saintly figure that has to take on the problems of a woman that you're not with just because she happens to be your wife's sister?
The reason why this Eva person does all these things is that she knows she will get attention from her sister. To be extremely rough here... If your wife cuts ties with her sister what's the worse it can happen? She tries suicide, maybe this time she does it right? So freaking what? Is this woman a positive influence on anyone's life? She screwed up her kids, makes her sister's life much harder and strains your marriage.
And this is the worse case scenario. I bet she won't kill herself properly. These people never do unfortunately. They are the worse case scenario of attention wh@!§€.