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My 9 year old went into his mom's desk in a hidden spot (she must have told him it was there) and took an envelope of emergency money containing $1000.00 into his room. She may have had another envelope of $1000.00 that has gone missing.
(why my ex- is keeping that kind of cash in the house is beyond me, but that's another topic)
What's the most disturbing about this is when we confronted him, he is just deny, deny, deny. . .when caught red handed, he just denies and lies. That, as you can imagine, is what's producing towering rage.
Options?
I am considering having him visit a jail through a "scared straight" program because he just doesn't want to fess up and tell him this is where liars go and where they end up, along with thieves but they say the Dept. of Justice says this program is a failure by most parts.
I know it's easy to blame the divorce; the problem with that though is let's just say none of us is surprised it happened with THIS kid. He pulled this crap before and is just totally different than the older son, who is laid back, listens, doesn't get in trouble for the most part.
I am not opposed to a belt whipping either. I got them when I was a kid and I am not scarred, don't hate my parents, etc. and can say I deserved every belt whipping I got.
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
I would do a lot of listening to him, at this point. Some kids/people don't know how to process their feelings. Perhaps he can go to a play therapist (counseling for kids)...that may give him an outlet to vent and express himself.
I am afraid a good a..whipping wouldn't help. It's a good sum of money and he knows it. Where could it have gone? I am curious how a 9 year old spends 1k.
Take some of his items and sell them to recoup the money. i.e. if he has a gaming system, or a laptop, or anything else he values. If he doesn't like the idea, tell him to return the money.
What's the most disturbing about this is when we confronted him, he is just deny, deny, deny. . .when caught red handed, he just denies and lies. That, as you can imagine, is what's producing towering rage.
Options?
I am considering having him visit a jail through a "scared straight" program because he just doesn't want to fess up and tell him this is where liars go and where they end up, along with thieves but they say the Dept. of Justice says this program is a failure by most parts.
Scared straight program sounds like a pretty harsh response... I assume that your 9 year old has already established a pattern of lying and stealing? Where does he put the money after he takes it? is he stashing it somewhere? I can't imagine he'd be spending it...
Just tell him that his mother needs that money, she put it there not to keep it from him but to save it for if they ever need money and don't have any other supply - remind him he is only stealing from himself. meanwhile, if you know your kids are stealing don't leave wads of cash lying around to steal.
I doubt he knows what the real concept of what $1K is, he knows money is used to buy toys and candy and 1K is "a lot" but I seriously doubt he truly understood the concept of larceny in this situation (like a teen would for instance)
and...
at that age, they are more focused on avoiding punishment than understanding morality
I would frame your conversation to be more kid friendly as to why stealing is wrong and why lying to his parents is wrong, present how it is harmful not in terms of how he will get punished but how he would feel if things were stolen from him and why the truth is the most important way to establish trust and how he needs trust to be bale to do more of what he wants to do
I know it's easy to blame the divorce; the problem with that though is let's just say none of us is surprised it happened with THIS kid. He pulled this crap before and is just totally different than the older son, who is laid back, listens, doesn't get in trouble for the most part.
I am not opposed to a belt whipping either. I got them when I was a kid and I am not scarred, don't hate my parents, etc. and can say I deserved every belt whipping I got.
THIS kid? How often does he hear you comparing him to the "favored child?" They don't even have to hear you -- they can sense it. My opinion is that he has been given the message that he's the "bad" kid so he might as well ACT that way.
Talk to him. Don't yell. Don't get all crazy and make yourself look out of control. Let him know you are disappointed in him because you thought he knew right from wrong and you expect such awesome things from him! So what's up, boy!? STEALING!? Wow....smh....I never thought you were a thief.
Things like that. Make him SEE your disappointment. Make him know he blew your trust. BUT...let him talk. LISTEN. it's deeper than the money. For sure.
What does a belt whipping do? It just teaches him to take a beating and shut up about how he feels because dad doesn't give a crap anyway. He's 9...not 16. Or explain that the punishment for this is a whoopin...so that's what he's going to have. DO NOT DO IT WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY. And don't use anything but your hand, if that's how you plan to take care of this.
But...in my experience with this age, when they do sometihng like that, they want you to LISTEN to them. He denies because he knows you'll get crazy and won't LISTEN.
He's your boy. He's not his brother. Raise him to be the type of man that is honest because he understands why that's important...not someone who lies to get out of trouble.
I stole once when I was a kid. maybe around 5 or 6?
I so thought the girl I stole from deserved it because of how she'd acted towards me and how mean she was to me. No one had stood up for me, I was singled out.
later that night my mom got a phone call, and confronted me. She did it in a calm relaxed way, and explained to me why stealing was wrong, why it wasn't the best way to get back at the girl, and made me bring her things back to her the next day and apologize.
We've always had a rule in our house with mom. (step dad was a different story) If we were honest with her about it and didn't lie or hide it, the "punishment" would be less severe.
I didn't lose anything for it, i felt ashamed for disappointing my mom and doing the wrong thing and she expressed that she understood why I did it.
anyways, I agree that this sounds more like acting out because he's the "bad" kid. I also agree that his denial is a direct reaction to attempting to avoid your rage. Because frankly it doesn't matter how many times you say thinks like "if you'd just admit it I wouldn't be so mad" the fact is you ARE mad and that's just going to make him squirm and then hold it against you later.
I think a scared straight program is unnecessary at this point, I think you need to maybe take a look at why he'd do this, work on that as parents, and in the mean time pick a fitting punishment (like losing his gaming systems as was mentioned) and take note to not leave a grand sitting around in a drawer anymore.
1. By GLOWING and getting awesome grades and being awesome.
2. By acting out negatively.
Usually, the kids who act out negatively are the ones who can't, or feel like they can't GLOW and be awesome. It's much easier for them to do something shocking to get attention.
1Likes
9 year old caught stealing. 
STEALING!? Wow....smh....I never thought you were a thief.
