07-25-2012, 10:48 PM
Join Date: Jun 2012
| | The JEALOUS in-laws
How should I (we) handle jealous in-laws? My husband's parents are super jealous of us/what we have. They've even admitted it a few hundred times.
We live a simple life. We don't make much money. Seriously, we are just barley above the poverty line. However, we are content and happy with what we have. Why? Because I don't feel "poor". We do not live paycheck to paycheck like the majority of people we know. We don't have to worry about money because I'm a big saver. When we first married, my husband had a good bit of debt and I had none. After about 4 years, I had it all paid off, and we've kept it that way. We have no debt other than our mortgage. We have a good year's worth of living expenses in savings, retirement plans, and life insurance. We even have burial plots already! The feeling of having that cushion there makes me feel secure. This doesn't mean we go out and buy stuff all the time OR that we NEVER spend money. If there's something we need/really want, we save for it for a long time and then buy it.
The in-laws are completely obssessed over money. They make more than what we do, yet they never have any. I don't know what they do with it. They make that known way too much. To the point that my husband feels guilty and buys things for them. Gifts are okay, and I'm the kind of person that would give away money if we won the lottery, but its ridiculous how much they hint around of things they "need".
It's starting to cause tension in our marriage. My husband gives them valuable things of ours or money to buy things, more and more frequently. It isn't hurting us financially (yet) but I'm afraid that if it continues it will. He just can't tell his parents "no". It just really bothers me that it doesn't bother them. My husband is torn. He knows he's "feeding a beast" and that I'm not fond of it, yet at the same time, he feels family comes first and you should respect your elders. But shouldn't the elders respect their children?
Whenever we acquire something, it doesn't matter if it's a "new to us" vehicle or a cloth napkin, they find ways to ask WHY we bought it and they always want to know how much it costs. That's just rude. I always use a vague remark like "oh, not too much" or "we got a good deal"....but my husband will just flat-out tell them how much something was. THEN they start the comparisons and critiques....you shouldn't have spent that much, why didn't get get brand abc, why did you go with this pattern. AND THEN they use this info when they need something..."well you had the money to buy such n such".....
When my husband HAS said "no" to something, they turn it on me, saying that I like to control money too much. And that I'm conceded because I "hoard money". He'd rather just give it to them so they shut up and there's no drama. But isn't that the same as a toddler throwing a fit for ice cream and just giving it to him so he'll be quiet? Yes, he's quiet but he's learned that throwing a fit equals getting what you want.