My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?
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Old 08-02-2012, 02:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
crs
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Unhappy My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

I am completely and totally ok with the kiddos, I married them when I married him.. We have only been together for 2 1/2 years total. The mother and my husband have been apart since the twins (one girl, one boy) were 2 and he has had every other weekend visits since then. Occasionally over the years she pulls stunts where she would hold them from him and cause him drama when trying to pick them up. After we got married she with held the kids again and I feel like he gave up. After 10 years of putting up with her insanity he just has decided to leave it be. He doesn't care anymore and won't talk about it without pushing from me. I am a loyal and dedicated wife and I stand beside him in everything even if I do not agree, but this is causing his family (whom all live within a 3 mile radius of us and I moved here from all my family and friends 3 hours away) to give me the cold shoulder as though this is my fault, but it is not at all! I encourage him, without demanding or causing us to have arguments over it. I just do not get it and none of his family has the backbone to really confront him about it in fear of making him mad or pushing him away. I need some serious advice bc I think I am growing an ulcer! Thanks
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Old 08-02-2012, 02:41 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

If the mother is giving you guys a headache, why dont you deal with it legally?
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Old 08-02-2012, 02:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

Well when I moved here I had to give up my job and financially we haven't been able to. Recently I found a job in my field and we will be able to afford it in a few months...my problem is that he just does not seem interested at all. It is killing me because as a woman I feel he should want to... but he is just disconnected.
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Old 08-02-2012, 02:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

We have not seen or spoken to the children in 9 months, although I have suggested writing letters, calling, just showing up, etc. He just doesn't want to do it? I do not want to destroy our marriage over this but I am so lost and confused as to how he could just not care anymore...and his family feels it is me causing this or at the least I am not trying but in reality it is the opposite!
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Old 08-02-2012, 03:17 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

I also want to add that his son does have some behavior problems, probably due to not having a full time father, but we were dealing with them as best we could before the whole "hubby disconnection"...not sure if this contributed him washing his hands of it?
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Old 08-02-2012, 06:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

It is a tough situation. Its his responsibility to take care of his children, however you are being blamed for it. Maybe you need to tell him that, you will be under fire on this so he should pay more attention to his kids not only for his kids but also for you as well.
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Old 08-02-2012, 02:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

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If the mother is giving you guys a headache, why dont you deal with it legally?
Because courts don't give a damn about the father's visitation rights?
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Old 08-02-2012, 05:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

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It is a tough situation. Its his responsibility to take care of his children, however you are being blamed for it. Maybe you need to tell him that, you will be under fire on this so he should pay more attention to his kids not only for his kids but also for you as well.
I confronted it all today with the family... My statement to them from the start was that they needed to talk to him about everything, that I was not going to talk about it with them as I did not feel comfortable speaking for him. In their eyes I was condoning his actions and they did not know I have been gently pushing him to try to reconnect with his children. They have apologized and I completely forgive them. As far as convincing him to reconnect I do not know what to do without pushing him away from me. He does pay a good sum of child support each month, but I am not OK with that being his only contribution. Thanks so much
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Old 08-02-2012, 06:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

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Because courts don't give a damn about the father's visitation rights?
Costa, my husband is almost giving up his rights...I think now I have convinced him we need a lawyer and we will go to court just to get the visitation reset.
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Old 08-03-2012, 01:43 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

Well they are his kids and he has a right to decide what kind of a relationship he wants with them. Obviously this might affect what you think of him but you cant push him to do something he doesnt want. Good thing you talked to his family though.
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Old 08-03-2012, 08:17 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Well they are his kids and he has a right to decide what kind of a relationship he wants with them. Obviously this might affect what you think of him but you cant push him to do something he doesnt want. Good thing you talked to his family though.
thanks! You are right, but one quality we both loved about each other and a reason I married him after only a year is because we have (had) the same core values and morals. This man turned down an all expense paid trip to vegas BC it was his weekend with the kids and he knew she wouldn't swap weekends with her and he just couldn't disappoint them. This was last summer!!! I think that's what everyone doesn't understand...he just got fed up with the mother and washed his hands so to speak. And, he loves vegas. We spent our honeymoon there 4 months later. However, we are on a trip and the hours in the car I got to talk and we will be hiring a lawyer next month =) I am proud of him, his family thinks a lawyer will take too long and we need to just show up and call the cops...which I know he will not do because he doesn't want the kids exposed to that, but he will neglect them for a year?? Lol, sorry. I am very appreciative of your advice, I have never, ever used a forum before and somehow it gave me the confidence to start changing my situation!
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Old 08-04-2012, 02:12 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have been married 9 months and he doesn't want to see his kids?

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Costa, my husband is almost giving up his rights...I think now I have convinced him we need a lawyer and we will go to court just to get the visitation reset.
From what i gather that will be hard. Enforcing visitation rights is very tricky. Child support gets people in jail, salaries get apprehended etc. But visitation... I have heard of people that go years without seeing their kids because nobody seems to be interested in defending those rights.
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