Hi Im new here and I was hoping to get some help, I dont know what to do.
My wife an dI have been married for almost a year. We come from two different types of families. My family has always been really close always done things together and have always been there for each other. Shes an only child, she was disowned by her parents at an early age, she has been married 2 times, shes lost 3 children (passed away) and has been on her own most her life.
It all started last year before Thanksgiving. My mother was always making remarks about my wife not working and saying she needed to go out and find a job. Which I know is none of my mothers business but she kept at it. At first I thought my mom was just playing around but she kept at it and my wife got fed up with it and told me I needed to say something and I did and the comments from my mom stopped.
Thanksgiving came around and my wife posts on my sisters wall on Facebook asking and telling her what she was going to take to her house. Well my brothers wife jumps in and make a very rude statement about it, and it upsets my wife. Well my wife and I slaved in the kitchen for almost 4 hours preparing side dishes to take over. A few weeks after Thanksgiving we're all gathered talking about Christmas and what we're going to do for Christmas dinner. My brother tells my wife that my sister told him that my wife had made to much food and she didnt want her to bring so much. Well that upset my wife and she took it personally, and I never said anything. which I know is my fault for not sticking up for her.
Another instance that upset my wife was during the planning of our wedding, We were planning a destination wedding and made plans for where we were going to stay and what we would be doing. My wife even went as far as trying to find a place for my family to stay. I told my family and they were ok with it, the day comes closer and all of a sudden it seems like its an inconvenience to them. that it would be hard for them to go on such sort notice, because of baseball games and other scheduling conflicts, even though we planned this 2-3 months in advance. That upset my wife and it hurt me too, so we decided to just have our wedding just us two alone and have a reception a week later where everyone could attend. The wedding was great but while getting things ready for the reception my brother and sister tell me that my nieces and nephews have baseball and basketball games that day. This upset me and my wife because the children were part of the wedding party at the reception. The kids made it to the reception but had to leave an hour later because my brother and SIL made it clear that my niece was not going to miss her basketball game. I admit, it hurt but once again I never said anything.
Around May sometime my nephew messages my wife about something she posted on FB, on how it was very disrespectful. I talked to my nephew and told him that my wife was a grown woman and she could do whatever she wanted, they talked about it and let each other know how they felt. A few weeks later my BIL messages my wife and tells her that some of the things she was posting and saying were very disrespectful and offensive and it bothered him because his daughter had looked up to her as a role model. It really offended my wife because she knows many things that they have done and said in front of my niece that were just as bad as her FB post.
Theres been a lot of other instances where my wife has been hurt or offended by my family and I feel in a way its my fault for not standing up for her like I should. I love my wife but I just dont know how to deal with all this. I love my family and I know they were wrong, but im not just one to cut them off because we've always been so close. My wife no longer wants to attend anything they do together and no longer wants any of them to contact her. It hurts me but I know I should stand by my wife. Shes about ready to give up and leave and I dont want that.
I dont want my marriage to fail, Ill take any advice anyone can give me.