disrespectful step daughter.
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Old 05-31-2009, 04:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default disrespectful step daughter.

hello all, new to the forum. i have a problem with my g/f / fiancee's daughter. when we originally meet, her daughter, according to g/f, worshipped me. i feel i have done more for this kid then both of her parents, financially emotionally and in general just trying to mold her as she grew up. she was 11 yrs old when i came into the picture. she is now 18. the problem now and has been for the last few years is that this kid doesn't even acknowledge me when i'm in the house or when i do something for her. not a hello or a thank-you, ever. she will only speak to me if i say hello first but thats it. she will come home in the evening and say hi to her mom who is sitting right next to me but act like i'm not even there. her mom and i have had a bad relationship pretty much from the start and her mom has literally no friends or family that she is close with. when things were bad in the beginnig she would confide all of our problems to her 11 year old daughter. now her mother says that i need to patch things up between her daughter and i but i feel i didn't wreck this and her mother needs to fix it since she is the one who has turned her daughter against me. there is soooo much more to this but this is it in a nutshell
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Old 05-31-2009, 05:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: disrespectful step daughter.

I have an evil step daughter who is a young adult, I think she is the victim of PAS ( parental alientation syndrome) by her mother... directed at her father.
I can't stand the girl, she is loud, bossy, smart alec with a huge sense of entitlement. I can only hope she grows up but I realize she is already far less emotionally in years than where she should be. Going to have to be some drama in her life to turn her around.
We have already accepted she may never be a part of our lives as she is as disrespectful, loud and immature as it gets. Her expectations are not even realisitc.

You may want to look into PAS. Maybe yours has it too
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Old 05-31-2009, 05:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: disrespectful step daughter.

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Originally Posted by preso View Post
I have an evil step daughter who is a young adult, I think she is the victim of PAS ( parental alientation syndrome) by her mother... directed at her father.
I can't stand the girl, she is loud, bossy, smart alec with a huge sense of entitlement. I can only hope she grows up but I realize she is already far less emotionally in years than where she should be. Going to have to be some drama in her life to turn her around.
We have already accepted she may never be a part of our lives as she is as disrespectful, loud and immature as it gets. Her expectations are not even realisitc.

You may want to look into PAS. Maybe yours has it too
she is a victim of that 10,000% (pas) i know for a fact and have witnessed it. her daughter has had virtually no relationship with her father. in fact one of the things my gf used to brag about was that her daughter when she turned 13 was going to go to court to tell her father she didn't want to have to see him if she so chooses. i grew up with a stepmother who turned my older sister against my mom so i know it from both ends. it makes me sick to see it but thats another story like i mentioned. so how do i deal with this now?
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Old 06-20-2009, 01:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: disrespectful step daughter.

Your step daughter sounds just like my daughter towards her step dad. Only he has raised my kids since they were 2 (son) and 4 (daughter). Only she wants nothing to do with him even though he has raised her like his own child and since she has started talking to her biological dad 5 years ago, her attitude has changed. She has been in a lot of trouble the last 2 years and my husband has given up on trying to have a relationship w/ her and she is now with her dad for the summer. I have put her in counseling and that seems to have helped her with coping skills but like her counselor said, the change has to come from you and her and if she does not want to try, there is not much you can do to improve the relationship, not meaning that you still shouldn't. I know this isn't a definite answer but just wanted to let you know you are not the only one going through this. As a mom I feel terrible about the whole lack of relationship on both sides.
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Old 06-22-2009, 08:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: disrespectful step daughter.

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Originally Posted by tntr70 View Post
she is a victim of that 10,000% (pas) i know for a fact and have witnessed it. her daughter has had virtually no relationship with her father. in fact one of the things my gf used to brag about was that her daughter when she turned 13 was going to go to court to tell her father she didn't want to have to see him if she so chooses. i grew up with a stepmother who turned my older sister against my mom so i know it from both ends. it makes me sick to see it but thats another story like i mentioned. so how do i deal with this now?
You need to do a web search on PAS...
if her father was not in her life, she cannot have it.

I dont know how you deal with it but what we ended up doing was
getting her out of our lives because she was not the kid who ignored us but the kid who came to attack us verbally with threats of violence to do her bidding, to buy and give her things her mother told her she deserved and we owed her.
It is unfortunate it came to that but we will see again in a year if she has grown up any.. woke up... but we do not expect much as her biologicail mother for many years told her it was not only OK, but acceptable that she place unrealisitc demands upon us, be moody and difficult, have fits when she wasn't given her way, call us names and her mother rewarded her for this behavior. It went on for years at which time the girl turned of age and her demands only got bigger and more unrealisitc, for instance the last time she casme over uninvited, in an angry fit of rage she told us, that our house ( it is actually my house from long before I met her father) was hers too and she could come over with as many friends as she liked to party any time she wanted.. and she said her father would take her out to eat and movies/ entertainment with her boyfriend and friends and I was not invited.
Her father said he had enough and through her out, told her not to come back until she learns some respect.
That was months ago and she has learned nothing.
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Old 12-22-2009, 11:22 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: disrespectful step daughter.

My Stepdaughter.

I think I have a very sad story to describe here but I need some advice…and I don’t know that is me if I’m doing the correct thing or if I’m way wrong…but I just want the best for my kids…I will describe what is going on for the last 10 years and you guys let me know what is wrong…:

My wife and I are together for over 13 years and she has 2 daughters one of 29 and the other one 19 we got married 10 years ago and we have 2 kids my son of 9 and my daughter of 7…since the beginning everything from the side of the daughters was only hate they always blame me for take her mom away from them…and make my live so miserable any way many years pass and now the second daughter finish high school and went to college and my wife wants to keep her room as is and no one allow to get in even thought my 2 kids share the same room…I talk to my wife that since her daughter doesn’t live in the house we should give her room to my little one and she refuses and the reason why is because every weekend for the last 6 months her daughter only come home for the weekend and as soon as she come home she is going out and she sleeps out of the house in a relatives houses …? Why I told my wife that her room is not a closet that she must stay at the house an used or else…I will take that room for my daughter but she always refuse…neither the less she was always mean with my kids and not even say hi to them or anything…and to me she always insult me and say gross words even in front of my kids when she was under edge she call me the police because she blame on me that I took a calculator from her room and even my wife get in her side…nothing else to said but just the next morning after that day she found the calculator under her bed and come to me to say sorry after all the big show…right away I call the police and I make the police take her words to put it in the police report…? Do you believe that?

Years ago I use to have business with South America and all the things that I bought come to the house and she was stealing from me one day I say something to her and she got crazy and start getting everything and throwing everything all over the house when I saw all this I just walk away and I called my wife and told her what it was going on…when she arrive home the house was spotless like nothing happened that makes me look like a big liar …?

Another opportunity she was insulting me in front of my kids and I couldn’t take it no more and I took it from her arm and I send it outside until her mom’s come from work…guess what…she went to the hospital to the emergency room and said that I broke her arm…a big and very well plan to get me in jail…but thanks god the doctors knew that she was lying…because she didn’t have anything…and even she bring me police to the door of my house and they were ready to take me in…and even with my kids…feel so embrace because I work so hard to have my house in a nice neighborhood and all my fellow ask me what is going on or just look at me as the bad guy of the movie.
This morning and just to finish she pass in front of all of us not even good morning to no one and went to the basement and her way back I said how hard is to said good morning…and she right away star raising her voice…and I said no more…that’s it because I told her when she turn 18 that no more shows or raising voice in the house I told her show is over now no more police or shows because you were under edge …well she star with the famous word I Hate you and all this in front of my kids when we having breakfast how nice ehhh…of course my wife always defend her against everything saying that I provoke that…and that was enough I said this morning she is got to go…pack her things otherwise I’ll do it…I won’t take it no more I won’t take her insults or offensives words the worse of the worse that in front of my kids.

She get into her room and start screaming that I’m leaving and my wife begging her to stay a whole new show…I took my camera just in case and I record the whole thing.
Personally it was very strong experience for my kids and personally to myself I wasn’t raise in that kind of environment and I can’t take such an aggression.

After that I took my kids to school and of course they were crying also I told them to calm down before we get to school…that nothing will happen.

I know this is just few days before Christmas and I know that my wife for now on will make my live very miserable but guess what I have my kids and the rest believe me I don’t personally care…many times I told my wife to get divorce because her daughter but things happen and we still together.

Now you guys decide and help me how to approach all this conflict that to me looks very complicated.

Email me fabzionj@gmail.com
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