I'm going to try and make a long story not quite so long
In October my (now fiancee) then boyfriend and his 14 year old son moved into my house. I'm 27, he's a very young 41.
His son was FANTASTIC at first - quiet, nerdy kid that has a good heart and spends most of his time playing some computer game (world of warcraft or something). One night his dad was working late in late November, and the SS had a TOTAL meltdown. Him and his dad are neither great at chores - of any kind. And after putting up schedules and reminding him EVERY day just to clean his cat's litter I asked him over dinner what it would take to help him remember... he does NOT take anything he perceives as critism at all and he just came unglued. I told him he could go in his room, or the living room, or wherever inside the house to cool down. He said he wanted to leave the house, (I live in Canada - it was -20oC's outside) and I said absolutely not. He tried to push me out of the way and tried hitting / scratching me to get by, banshee WAILING and screaming all kinds of things in the mean time. I have never in my life seen a kid just come unhinged like that... or anyone for that matter...
Eventually he stormed out our other door and broke part of it along the way as part of his temper tantrum. (And yes, I firmly believe that it was him throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old would).
I of course went out driving and looking for him for over half an hour, whereby his Dad had come home in the mean time and let me know that SS had been there pretty much the whole time, hanging out playing his game...
So from this, A) he got absolutely no punnishment or repercussion... B) it came apparent the kid has no coping skills and the emotional maturity far too young for his age.
Fast forward a couple weeks,and my fiancee gets SS to do some emotional coping exercises for teenagers, etc etc. Step Son (I know now) TOTALLY just smoke showed him and played the victim / poor me stance.
My fiancee finally had a pseudo melt-down not knowing how to deal with the tension in the house... He just wanted things back to normal so bad he basically sat his son and I in a room and (in front of his son) said that I *WILL* forget it happened and never mention it again... what? He also kept saying that his son had a problem and that it wasn't his fault and telling his son over and over not to blame himself for it, blah blah... In the mean time his son gets angry and starts yelling that yes indeed - he only did the exercises because his dad told him too and put down what he thought he was supposed too - not actually what he thought or felt.
While he was on the game with his friends he was saying "oh yeah, we got in a big fight but I just went all " sniff sniff, cry cry, it's all my fault".. OHHHH I was mad - and he totally and completely bamboozled his dad.
After that day where he basically talked down to me infront of his son, his son has not listened to a word I've said or taken anything I've said seriously... I can say something 10 times - it doesn't matter until his Dad says something once. When his Dad is home, he goes to bed on time... when his dad is out of town for work for the night - he stays up until I tell him to go to bed, and then doddles and p!sses around until I finally tell him *enough* and bed NOW.
SS's teachers have been calling and one of them asked Fiancee if they could make an appointment with the school counsellor because SS doesn't handle any kind of criticism and when he isn't good at something (particularly gym) he sits in the corner and refuses to do anything (in my mind pouting).
He finally went to the first counseling appointment... didn't tell his dad till a few days after and just said "I don't like talking about myself.. I thought it was stupid" blah blah.
He *JUST* started being able to put frozen chicken fingers on a pan and baking them... otherwise he would not cook or do anything to feed himself.
I am just frustrated and at a loss. He really, honestly is a good kid, and I don't have to deal with a lot of 'normal' teenage problems - like drugs or alcohol or that sort of thing, and for that I am very thankful for, but I really don't know how to constructively go forward.... He doesn't leave his room, he won't talk to anyone at school, he loathes sports or anything outdoors or athletic... I am at a loss. He had a really bad cough around early November so I took him to a clinic - the doctor gave him an inhaler to use temporarily because he had a bad cold... the doctor said that after listening to his chest adn everything he definitely did not have ashma or pnemonia... So driving home he goes "I wish I just had ashma.. then I wouldn't have to go outside or do anythign".
WHAT?! Are you FREAKIN' kidding me?
Personality wise.. he definitely does not like cleaning, super picky eater, and definitely isn't a fan of anything other than playing his computer game....
He is a sweet kid, and he has a great sense of humor. I'm just not sure where to go from here that is constructive for him and for the family in general.
His Dad and I are set to get married in September and I really do want SS to be happy, and consequently be in a comfortable, functional home life - I think that's important, especially for teenagers....
Thanks for reading
The Lost Girl